


New friends and Old Frenemies

by murmeltearding



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Bonding, Breaking and Entering, Burning things, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Cold, Cold Weather, Dead People, Developing Friendships, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Explicit Language, F/M, Face Punching, Flirting, Fluff, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hangover, Horseback Riding, Hunting for food, Mass Suicide, Masturbation in Shower, Mention of Killing, Multi, Nudity, Oral Sex, Psychological Torture, Rain, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Sexual Violence, Shooting, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Snow, Stabbing, Stripping, Swimming, Torture, Trauma, Violence, Walkers (Walking Dead), Wet Clothing, Winter, half-dressed-sex, rotting bodies, watching someone shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-10-20 09:19:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17619710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding
Summary: Ren, a travelling treasure hunter of sorts (treasure being hard to find stuff in the post apocalyptic world, like batteries or liquor), meets a silent stranger. He barely talks or even acknowledges her presence, but he seems like an okay guy.The next day, they split up and neither expects to see the other one ever again.Ren is on her way to bring Negan a much expected delivery and is compensated nicely.Once Ren is back on the road, against all odds, she finds Daryl again. They decide to stay together for a while and slowly become friends...





	1. The Stranger in the Wood

“Stupid rain… fucking cold…” I cursed to myself and whoever else bothered to listen.  
I felt like I was wet to my bones. My soaked through jacket hung heavily on my body and did nothing at all any longer to protect me from the cold. Fat drops of water collected on the trees above me and I felt like every other drop fell right into the back of my jacket and ran down my spine.  
My horse Poppyseed’s long brown mane was matted to her head and neck, same as my hair.  
Where was this cursed hut? I knew it must be somewhere close. I had stayed there a couple of times before. It wasn’t anything special, but it would be dry at least… and if I could get a fire going, it would be warm as well. And it had a small porch, where even Poppyseed could find a dry spot.  
With the heavy rain and the clouds blocking the sun it was almost impossible to navigate through the forest though. The ground was muddy and the leaves were slippery, so the going was slow. My shoes were mushy and every step I took made a squelching sound.  
I had dismounted as soon as we had entered the forests and was leading my horse by the reins. We were both getting impatient though. Where was that fucking hut?  
Out of the corner of my eye, to my right, I saw something move. All thoughts of the hut were gone instantly and my brain switched to fight or flight mode instead.  
I froze and stared in the direction. Poppy had noticed something too. Good horse that she was, she stopped when I stopped and went silent, except for a nervous exhale of breath. Under normal circumstances, or what qualified as normal these days, that small noise could become a big problem. With the rain coming down hard though, the noise didn’t really matter.  
My hand edged towards the hatchet on my belt. If it was a Walker, I’d kill it. Humans would be more problematic, but could be fought off as well.  
Holding my breath, I listened for the telltale groan of a Walker or twigs breaking, anything that could tell me the size of whatever it was I had seen.  
And then I saw it. Neither Walker, nor human, but a rabbit, its brown fur camouflaging it almost perfectly against the leafy forest ground. It hadn’t noticed us yet or else it would have fled already.  
Slowly I moved my hand away from my hatchet and towards the crossbow on my back. That bunny would make a nice dinner if I managed to hit it.  
My tummy growled in anticipation as I soundlessly took the crossbow, aimed and fired.  
The rabbit gave a squeak and dashed away.  
Damn.  
I stumbled after it, through the dense undergrowth. I must have hit it, there was what looked like blood on the ground and I couldn’t see my bolt anywhere around.  
Damn, I wished for a flashlight… but batteries were getting harder and harder to acquire and the few I had in my pack were for trading.  
I went down on all fours and looked after the rabbit. Yes, I had definitely hit it. Where had it run? It took me a moment to locate it again, but there it was, hiding under another bush.  
I crawled through the brush on hands and knees, making myself as small as possible to fit through. Thorns and twigs caught on my jacket and my hair, scratching my face. Oww!  
The closer I got to the bunny, the surer I was it was bleeding out. It saw me, its eyes getting wide, but it didn’t run away. It probably didn’t have the energy anymore. I hated that part about hunting.  
I moved as far as I could and stretched my hand for the little animal.  
It was just out of reach though. I had to get down on my belly so I could get close enough to reach it in its hiding spot.  
It struggled weakly, as I pulled it out by its hind leg, but it had barely enough strength left to scratch my fingers.  
Crawling out from the underbrush backwards, I stopped and got up on my knees when I had enough space again.  
“Thank you for giving your life to feed me.” I whispered, my voice almost drowned out by the rain, before cutting its throat and ending its life.  
With quick movements, I pulled out the crossbow bolt and wiped it on my jeans before putting it into my quiver. Putting the weapon on my back again, I got onto my feet and walked back to where Poppy was still waiting patiently. She was a good horse, calm and steady and the most loyal animal I had ever met. Her back was at about the height of my shoulder. Her coat shiny and dark brown and her eyes enormous and dark. I had found her shortly after the apocalypse and we had been companions ever since. I loved her more than I had loved any human in quite a while.  
“Come, let’s find this hut.” I said to her and patted her neck. She didn’t mind the dead rabbit in my hand.  
Grabbing her reins with my free hand, I started walking again. 

Half an hour later and hopelessly drenched and soiled with dirt and blood, I finally spotted the overgrown walls of the hut. I wanted to fall down on my knees and kiss the ground, but I was frozen stiff and probably wouldn’t have been able to get up again if I got down now.  
I lead Poppy under the eaves and took off the saddlebags that had all of my worldly belongings in them. Poppyseed would have to stay outside, but at least she’d be sheltered from the wind and have a mostly dry space. I hugged her around the neck and kissed her on the face before I went inside in search of something I might use to rub her dry.  
I knew I wasn’t the only one using the hut since the interior looked different each time I came here. Still, when I opened the door and found a man sitting on the sleeping cot inside, I startled.  
“Sorry… I… I” I stuttered, hand on my hatchet.  
He seemed as surprised as I was, but made no move to get up or say anything, just kept on cleaning his knife and looked me up and down. The flickering light from the fire in the hearth was the only source of illumination. His longish dirty blond hair half hid his eyes and I wondered for a moment how he even managed to see anything. He seemed tall, even sitting down and his broad shoulders nicely filled out the leather jacket he was wearing.  
Usually I was very wary around strangers, but today I was too exhausted and cold to care much.  
“Do you mind if I come in? I… I’m frozen through.” I murmured. “I got food.” I added, holding up the dead rabbit.  
He made a noncommittal sound and continued cleaning his knife.  
Alright, I took that as a yes. If he wanted me gone, he’d have to kick me out.  
Putting the dead rabbit on the counter and placing my pack and crossbow on the ground, close to the fireplace, I made myself at home. The kitchen was nothing more than an old sink and the counter and mostly empty cabinets that ran along the right side of the room. There was no stove, and even if there was, there was no electricity or gas anyways. Any cooking would have to be done over the open fire.  
A table and one single chair stood in the middle of the small room. There had probably been a second chair at one point, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had been used as firewood by some desperate soul.  
The crackle of the fireplace to the right made the room feel nice and almost cozy; the water dripping from the roof in the very back not so much.  
I peeled off my wet jacket, hung it over the lone chair and put it close to the fire. With some luck it might be dry-ish in the morning.  
Sitting down on the floor I unlaced my dirty, wet boots and laboriously pulled them off my feet. I wriggled my toes to make sure they were all still there and allowed myself to bask in the warmth of the fire for a few minutes, stretching my hands and feet towards it.  
A low sigh escaped my mouth, as feeling slowly returned into my limbs. Damn, that was nice. All that was missing now, was a bathtub full of hot water and a glass of champagne or something. For a moment, I let my mind wander towards better times, before remembering my poor horse that still stood outside, all wet and cold.  
Getting up, I opened a few of the cupboards in search of a towel or something towel-like, but came up with nothing. My blanket was as wet as I was from being strapped behind my saddle all day long.  
The stranger offered neither help nor conversation as I was rummaging through the room.  
After a few minutes of fruitless searching, I gave up and pulled off my flannel shirt. It was at least semi dry and better than leaving my horse wet.  
Walking outside on bare feet I quickly dried her and gave her another pat on the neck.  
She had eaten some grass before the rain had started. I hoped it would suffice for the day. Tomorrow, if everything turned out as planned, she’d get to sleep in a proper stable and eat some proper food. 

“Umm…” was all I could come up with, when I found my roommate cleaning the bunny carcass in the kitchen area. “Thanks, I guess?.” I walked back to the fireplace, shaking my head. Standing up, I realized he wasn’t as tall as I had first thought. Probably 5’9 or something. Not that much taller than my 5’6 in any case, but with a much bulkier build. If it came to a fight between the two of us, all my money would be on him, despite me having fought and won against men before.  
He completely ignored my words and continued cleaning and skinning the rabbit as if it was the most normal thing in the world to take a strangers’ kill.  
Well, he was probably hungry and I had offered him the food, so he might as well. I was too tired to complain in any case. 

Once I felt sufficiently warm, I moved to my pack, where I had a plastic bag of salt and a few other spices.  
When I’d been rummaging through the cupboards earlier, I had found a pot as well. I pulled it out and showed both to him. He was skillfully skinning the rabbit and his hands didn’t stop moving for more than a second when he looked at the pot and my bag of spices. He only took the latter.  
“You go warm up, I’ll make the food.” he mumbled, barely opening his mouth when he spoke. “There’s more wood out back.”  
Alright. Message received. I wouldn’t bother him anymore. Walking back to the fireplace, I stood as close as I could stand it, enjoying the feeling of warmth returning into my body.  
The dirt on my jeans was drying and crumbling off in small clumps. Sighing, I brushed it off as well as possible, which was not very well at all. I would kill for some fresh, dry clothes and a hot shower. Only the thought that I might get to shower tomorrow kept me going at this point. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a proper wash.  
With a sigh, I took the pot from the kitchen and quickly hurried back outside to let it fill up with rainwater. A cat bath would have to do for today.  
Jogging the few steps to the back side of the hut, careful so I wouldn’t step on any sharp sticks, I found someone had collected a bunch of twigs and branches and put them against the back wall. They were barely shielded from the rain and quite wet, just like everything else around, but they’d have to do.

The guy had skewered the rabbit on a stick and was salting it from my bag. He was back to not talking and barely even acknowledged my coming back inside. It was a bit unnerving, to say the least, but he had been in the hut first, so I’d just have to manage. It would only be the one night anyways. When I dropped the armful of wood in front of the fireplace, he turned around to look at me for a moment. “I’m Ren, by the way.” I introduced myself, wiping my hands on my jeans and stretching out my hand to him.  
He took the skewered rabbit and carefully carried it to the fireplace, completely ignoring my outstretched hand. I stepped aside to let him place it over the flames.  
“Daryl.” he said, once he was satisfied. Wiping his hands on his pants, he went back to the sleeping cot, where he lay down on his back and got a battered paperback from the floor.  
Alright. That was obviously enough pleasantries for him for one day.  
I rolled my eyes and went to retrieve the water filled pot from outside. I’d warm it up a bit and try to wash. My hair felt incredibly greasy and I probably stank to heavens. 

The guy – Daryl, I reminded myself, seemed entranced by his book, so once the water was warm, I pulled off my dirty tank top and sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace with the pot, my back facing Daryl. I quickly washed my face and armpits. I knew I had a semi clean sports bra somewhere in my pack, but I wasn’t really comfortable enough with Daryl to undress in front of him all the way.  
The occasional turning of a page in his book was the only noise from his direction.  
Carefully I unbraided my hair and combed out the twigs and leaves with my fingers. Earth and mud had formed a thick crust all over the outer layer of the braid. Awkwardly leaning over the pot on all fours, I managed to wash my hair until it almost had its original auburn color.  
The water in the pot had turned a muddy brown when I was done. I poured it outside and quickly checked on Poppyseed, making sure she was comfortable.

Back inside, I picked up my tanktop from the ground with a sigh. It hadn’t felt that wet, when I had worn it, but now that it had cooled down, it felt cold and moist and I really didn’t want to put it back on. I struggled with myself for a while, holding the top out before me with two fingers and staring at it, as if my gaze could make it dryer somehow.  
Daryl sitting up and rummaging through his own pack brought me back to the current situation.  
I was standing in front of a complete stranger in my bra. Not cool.  
As I started worming into the dirty shirt, Daryl’s bark stopped me. Startled, I looked at him from halfway inside the shirt.  
He had gotten up and was holding a dark blue button up shirt out to me.  
I quickly struggled out of my shirt again and took his. “Thank you.” I murmured, shrugging it on and buttoning it up. It was dry and soft and didn’t smell bad, opposed to my own clothes. I was in heaven. Clothes-Heaven.  
He just grunted in reply and went to check on the food. It was starting to smell delicious.  
Pulling the long sleeves over my cold hands, I hugged myself and sighed in contempt, enjoying being dry and clean-ish, while Daryl cut a few pieces of meat off the rabbit and put them on a dented plate. Since there was only one chair, we ate sitting on the ground.  
I hadn’t realized how hungry I’d been until I took the first bite. It was delicious. “Thish ish amathing.” I murmured around a mouthful of food.  
Daryl made a low noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, but didn’t say anything.  
“You’re not much of a talker, huh?” I asked, once I had stilled the worst of my hunger and had time to talk between bites.  
Daryl shrugged. “Why talk, when there’s nothing to talk about?”  
I agreed with him on that. Mindless chatter wasn’t my cup of tea either.  
“Nice crossbow.” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, motioning to the corner where my stuff was, then to his, where the exact same crossbow rested. A small smile played around his lips.  
I smiled back at him and a sense of kinship with the silent stranger filled me. 

Soon after our fancy dinner, we both went to our dedicated sleeping spots. Daryl had offered me the cot in the corner, but since he had been in the hut first, I refused to take it from him. And with the cot being a folding camping bed covered in various unidentifiable stains, there really wasn’t much to it anyways.  
I made my nest in front of the hearth. My blanket was still damp, but at least it was warm. My pack served as my cushion, as usual and like that I wrapped myself up and closed my eyes.  
I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept in the same room as someone else, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable with Daryl. He seemed like an okay guy and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t try to rape or kill me in my sleep.  
The patter of the rain outside and the dripping from the leaking roof quickly lulled me into a dreamless sleep.

A shout, followed by unarticulated grunting woke me up an indeterminate amount of time later. What the fuck? The fire had burned down to glowing embers and it was almost dark in the room. I needed a moment to remember where I was.  
The grunting and panting came from Daryl’s bed. Groaning, I unwrapped myself from my blanket, glad I had left my clothes on, since it was rapidly cooling down in the hut with the fire going out. Outside, the rain was still pouring.  
Slowly and on bare feet, I walked towards Daryl’s sleeping form.  
He was kicking and mumbling, but his eyes were firmly shut. He had taken off his leather jacket and his shoulders were bare. Slowly I crouched down next to the cot and reached out for him.  
“Daryl?” I whispered, gently touching his shoulder. His skin was clammy and cold. “Daryl!” I repeated when he didn’t react, lightly shaking him by the shoulder.  
“Wha’!?!” In one smooth movement he had sat up on the bed and a knife had appeared in his hand, ready to strike.  
I moved away backwards, holding out my empty hands in front of me. Unarmed, harmless, my gesture communicated.  
“You were having a nightmare!” I lowly said.  
He stared at me for half a minute, breathing heavily, before he let his hand sink.  
“Are you okay?” I asked.  
“Yea…” he mumbled, sinking down on the bed again.  
“Sure?”  
He opened his mouth as if to say something, but didn’t seem to find the words.  
“You want me to sit with you till you fall back asleep?” I asked. “It helps me when I have nightmares…” Not that there ever was anyone around when I had them, but that was what people said to other people, right?  
He looked at me and for a second I thought he’d just tell me to fuck off, but then he turned his back to me and pulled his blanket back up. He scooched to the wall as far as possible and I took that as an invitation to sit next to him.  
Carefully I lowered myself and placed my hand on top of his arm, his ratty blanket between us.  
“It’s okay… in this fucked up world, we all have to fight our nightmares.” I whispered and gently patted his arm.  
He said nothing, but he also didn’t push me away, so I stayed where I was.  
Awkwardly I pulled my legs up under me, so I was sitting next to him cross legged, with my eyes slowly falling shut again. 

The next time I woke up, something was moving under me. My back and neck ached, I was cold and I couldn’t feel my left arm. A male grunt close to me made me freeze.  
Slowly I opened my eyes and sat up, favoring my right arm.  
I had been resting on top of a guy… what was his name? Yea, right… Daryl.  
He was looking at me from heavy lidded eyes.  
Dazed, I tried stretching out my legs to get up from the cot. Damn, everything hurt.  
I groaned, but somehow made it to standing. My left arm was prickling as blood rushed back into it. Daryl was still staring at me. “Sorry…” I whispered, walking towards the now extinguished fireplace, where my blanket still lay on the ground. “I fell asleep.”  
Tiredly, I sacked down onto my own blanket and wrapped myself up in it. Damn, I was cold.  
“It’s alright.” Daryl said, getting up as well.  
I hugged myself, shivering.  
The windows were blacked out with newspaper so the light of the fire wouldn’t attract Walkers by night, but the early morning glow still managed to filter through and felt much too bright to my tired eyes. It couldn’t be later than 5am.  
It had stopped raining at one point and I said a silent prayer of thanks.  
I closed my eyes again and tried falling asleep again, shivering with cold, when I felt another blanket being draped over me.  
“Thank you” I murmured, but upon looking up, Daryl had left the hut.


	2. The Taming of the Shrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending a (totally platonic!!) night with Daryl, Ren moves on to do her job.  
> She has goods for the big boss, Negan.  
> Negan, honest man that he is, shows his appreciation in his very own Negan way.  
> Smut ensues.

The ground was still wet from last night’s rain and the occasional raindrop fell down from the trees. The sun, no longer obstructed by the cloud cover, penetrated the canopy of leaves over my head and all around me birds were chirping. The morning was so beautiful, it made me want to puke.  
My clothes were still damp, my neck was stiff from sleeping in an awkward position all night long and my stomach grumbled from hunger. What a way to start the day.

If all went well, I’d arrive at the Saviors Compound by early afternoon.  
Negan, the Savior’s leader had sent me out to find booze for him; preferably Scotch, but he’d take whatever he could get. Not even he, being one of the mightiest, if not the mightiest men around, could be too choosy about his booze these days.  
Negan liked me. I knew it and he knew that I knew. He went easy on me because of it. I liked him as well… but I was also very scared of him. He was a narcissistic, sadistic asshole, but he was a hot narcissistic, sadistic asshole.  
His harem of wives hated me because I was free to come and go as I pleased and whenever I showed up at the Compound, he’d always make time to see me personally while they only got to see him if he felt like it.  
His men hated me, because he would scream and rage at them over the smallest mistakes while I was free to do as I pleased and the other people at the Compound, his workerbees, hated me as well, because I got special treatment and they didn’t.  
Everyone but Negan hated me. I had no idea what he found in me, but I didn’t question him and enjoyed his ministrations immensely.

Poppyseed, my trusty horse, knew the way to the Compound by now and I could allow myself to zone out a bit as soon as we reached the road, or what was left of it, and I mounted her back. The forest was slowly but steadily taking the street back, destroying the asphalt a little more each day. Fresh saplings were sprouting through the pavement here and there and grass was gnawing on it from the sides.  
I was thinking about last night, about the guy, Daryl. His shell had seemed hard and impenetrable at first, but when he’d had that nightmare, he had seemed thankful he wasn’t alone. And who could blame him, really. With what was going on with the world and what we had to do every day to survive, everyone had their own nightmares.  
Killing Walkers had been hard at first, but if you didn’t kill a Walker, it would come back to bite you in the ass later. That was what I thought, at least. Thought and lived by.  
Killing people, sadly, was also a necessity. Traveling alone, especially for a woman, had its downsides. There had been more than one occasion where it was either me or someone else who’d end up dead and up until now, I had managed to survive, barely on some occasions, but survive I did.  
And then there was Negan. He offered me a spot in his Harem each time I had met him up until now and I was sure he’d offer again today.  
I had told him that I’d rather die than be one of his whores, but that I’d always be coming back to him if he treated me right. And up until now, he was treating me very well.

Poppy slowed down and I looked up. Right. The first outpost wouldn’t be too far away. I had to be careful.  
Making sure my weapons were easily accessible I sat up straighter and smoothed down my shirt, Daryl’s shirt. He had given it to me last night and I had shamelessly stolen it. I promised myself I’d give it back to him if I ever met him again.  
I jumped off of my horse and took her by the reins.  
Just a few feet before me was the bridge that marked the very first outpost of the Saviors. The guards were well hidden if you didn’t know where to look. I stopped before setting foot over the invisible demarcation line and looked to my right where a guy with a machine gun stood and stared at me, badly hidden behind a fake bush. His gun was half raised in my direction. I silently asked for his permission to keep going, before turning to the left and finding another guy, mirroring the first one’s position.  
I knew the second guy. The first one was new, obviously.  
“Can I go?” I shouted when neither of them moved or gave any indication of allowing me to continue.  
The first one came out of his hidey-hole, lifting and aiming his machine gun at my chest. Slowly, I moved my arms up. I’m unarmed, I tried communicating. Please don’t shoot me.  
“And where are you going this beautiful day, pretty?” He asked, looking me up and down appreciatively.  
“I have an appointment with Negan.” I said, voice cold.  
“Is that so?” the guard said to my chest.  
“Yea.” I let my hands sink to my sides and stepped closer to him. Pulling his chin up with my fingers, I made him look at my face. “My eyes are up here. Show some respect. Why don’t you radio your boss and ask him to confirm, huh?”  
“It’s alright Tony, I know her. She’s telling the truth.” The other guard suddenly said from behind me.  
“Well… Since we’re all Negan, I can take over the appointment for the big boss.” Tony said, grabbing my hand and staring down at my cleavage again.  
I snorted. Alright, enough games. “Yea, you’d love that, wouldn’t you? Negan wouldn’t though. He’ll pound your face into mush if you try anything with me, so you better take your hand away if you want to keep it.” I let annoyance seep into my voice. Tearing my hand from his grip, I took a step backwards, out of his reach.  
“Get on with it then,” the other guard said and motioned towards the bridge. He didn’t seem too happy to let me go, but I didn’t care.  
“Thank you.” I pointedly said in his direction, mounting Poppy’s back again. I expressed my distaste for Tony’s hand on my ass with a kick against his chest that made him stumble backwards.

About an hour and two outposts later, I reached the main building. If I had to find three words to describe it, they’d be looming, ugly and over-the-top, as one word.  
The fences all around it made for a pretty good first line of defense against any intruders. The Walker-enclosure in the front yard was disgusting and off-putting as always. I saw a few fresh additions to its inhabitants, but couldn’t stomach looking at the faces long enough to recognize anyone. Walkers were repulsive. The stench of so many in such a small space was enough to make me gag.  
Simon, Negan’s second in command, stood on the balcony that overlooked the enclosure and the gateway through which I was currently walking. He didn’t seem to mind the stench. Leaning on the railing, a dirty grin on his mustached face, he wasn’t ugly per-se, but he had something about him that felt off. He was scary in a “lone guy in a trench-coat in a dark alley” kind of way. He knew me on sight though and I knew he wouldn’t harm me, for fear of Negan.  
I waved at him, as Poppyseed and I were stopped by two more guards. I didn’t recognize either of them, but Simon barked an order and they let us pass.  
He walked down the stairs in his “my dick is bigger than your’s” gait to welcome me.  
“Ren… long time no see. The boss is expecting you.” he said without much ado. “Do you have his booze?”  
I opened the lid of one of my saddlebags enough so he’d see the bottles inside. He nodded at me appreciatively.  
“Tell Negan Ren is here.” he shouted at one of the guards.  
I pulled my bag off of Poppy’s back and put it over my shoulder. The bottles inside clinked heavily.  
“Can you make sure she’ll get some extra food?” I asked. “I haven’t been able to find anything for her in days.”  
Simon didn’t reply to me but barked to another one of the guards to get my horse. He looked first at me then at Poppyseed, with a dismissive face.  
“Treat her well or I’ll end you.” I glared at him, handing him the reins.  
“She’s the boss’s special friend, you better treat her horse right.” Simon underlined my threat.  
“His special friend?” I asked Simon, pulling up one eyebrow. “Makes me sound awfully important, huh?”  
“That’s because you fucking are, doll.” Negan chuckled above our heads.  
He was walking down the stairs and there was no question about who was the boss here. Each of his movements radiated power and confidence. He was a scary bastard, but damn he was hot, there was no denying that.  
He stopped when he reached the end of the stairs, building himself up to his full 6’2 and loomed over me. “Fucking finally! I’ve been waiting for you,” he licked his lips, “eagerly.” the way he spoke that one word made parts of me clench in anticipation.  
I took a second to find my composure again, to let my blood rush back into my brain, before I replied. “I got everything you asked.” I said, moving my shoulder, so the bottles clinked inside my bags.  
“Why are you making her carry those heavy bags?” Negan’s bark towards Simon reminded me why I didn’t stay with him permanently. “Take them and treat her like a fucking lady!”  
Simon didn’t lose a second and took the bags from me, putting them over his own shoulder. I stretched, glad to be rid of the weight. I tried to find Simon’s gaze with a look of apology on my face, but he just stared away into the distance.  
“Come inside, doll. It’s going to fucking rain again.” Negan said to me, his voice back to its smooth friendliness that seemed to be reserved for only me. Looking up at the sky, I saw he was right. The dark clouds slowly moving in again made me thankful for my early start this morning.  
He put his arm around my shoulders and led me up the stairs, gazing down at me. “Tell me about your travels, doll.” he demanded.

Once we reached his office, Simon placed my bags on the table and scurried away.  
Without asking, Negan started unpacking. I had found four bottles of cheap Whiskey and one bottle of his very favorite Scotch.  
“Hot damn!” he said, pulling out the last bottle. “Where did you find this beauty?”  
I grinned. His praise made everything worthwhile, somehow. The danger of my travels and the frustrations of having to travel farther and farther each time I went out, it was all for this one moment. I basked in his glory like it was the sunshine after a long night of rain. “Oh you know… I got my sources.” I said, trying to remain mysterious. In reality, I had literally stumbled over the bottle in an empty liquor store. It must have rolled under one of the shelves and had obviously been overlooked by previous scavengers.  
“What do you want as your payment, doll?” he circled me in slow, measured steps, like a predator, powerful and dangerous.  
I didn’t move, just stared at my bag on the table in front of me, trying to keep my breathing even. “I want… a hot shower, a warm, soft, fresh bed and I want my clothes washed and my horse taken care of. And I want enough food for two weeks once I leave again.” I rattled off my list.  
“That’s fucking it?” he stopped his pacing behind me and moved closer so his lips were almost touching my ear. “Ask for more, doll. You deserve it.” His breath played over my skin and sent goosebumps down my arms and back. My nipples tightened under my shirt.  
I hesitated for a moment, taking a few breaths to clear the fuzz from my brain, thinking of what else I could demand. A pang in my neck and shoulders as I turned my head to look at him brought one more pressing idea. “I want a massage… done by a proper massage therapist.”  
Negan chuckled, his laughter coming from low in his throat, and slowly started pacing again. “I’m afraid I don’t have a massage therapist among my people… but I will gladly offer my own services to meet your demands.” he sat down at the edge of the table, crossing his arms, grinning at me. He was completely at ease.  
I was not. My heart raced and I had to take a deep, cleansing breath before being able to think clearly again. His scent of musk and leather and liquor permeating my nose didn’t make things any easier.  
It was hard labor to concentrate on our deal and not on the things he might do, while giving me the promised massage and slowly nodded. “Deal.” I said, stretching out my hand.  
Negan grabbed my fingers in a hard firm grip and we shook. “Let’s drink to that.”  
He took the Scotch and walked towards a wooden serving cart with glasses and various other bottles on it, a few of which I recognized from earlier scavenging trips.  
I sat down in the plush black leather chair at the head of the table and put my legs up. The chair was obviously his, but my ass hurt from riding all day and this one seemed the most comfortable.  
When he turned around with two filled glasses and found me in his chair, he smirked at me, his eyes telling stories of what he would do to me later as a punishment.  
He said nothing though. Slowly placing the glasses on the table with two soft clinks, he sat down in the chair closest to me. Pulling my feet from the table onto his lap, he started unlacing my boots.  
“What are you doing?” I asked and tried pulling my feet away.  
He held on to me. “Getting a fucking head start on that Massage, doll.” His fingers never stopped moving.  
“Oh hells no! I’ve been walking in wet shoes all day long. I wouldn’t put my feet into the hands of my worst enemy.” I pulled my legs away again and this time he let go of me with a snort. “Honest, I fucking like that about you, doll.”  
I placed my feet firmly on the floor again and smiled at him. “Yea, I’ve always considered that my greatest strength as well.”

We had Dinner in his office, the woman who brought us our food stared at me with wide eyes when she saw I was sitting in the boss’s chair. Negan dismissed her with a wave of his hand, not even bothering to look at her.  
The food was delicious of course. It was some kind of venison stew with freshly baked bread, still warm from the oven. This being my first meal that day, I practically inhaled the first bowl and was quickly brought a second one.  
“This wasn’t even part of my deal.” I murmured, slowing down a bit.  
“Consider it a gift.” Negan grinned. He was eating much slower, more measured, like someone who wasn’t on the brink of starvation every other day, probably because he wasn’t. 

Once we’d finished dinner - there had even been cake after the main course, CAKE!! - I was led through the labyrinth that was the Saviors Compound, Negan’s hand lightly resting on my lower back. People in the hallways stared at him or scattered away in fear. A few glared at me with quiet resentment, but I didn’t give a shit.  
I knew I was protected as long as I was here and I’d leave again tomorrow or the day after at the latest.  
We stopped in front of a door that looked exactly like every other we had passed on our journey through the building.  
We were at the topmost floor and there were barely any people in the corridors. It seemed cleaner and lighter here, but that might be my imagination playing tricks on me.  
Negan pulled a set of keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. 

“Welcome to my private quarters.” he said and pushed the door open. A sizeable room with dark, masculine furnishings lay before me.  
A huge bed to my left and a seating area with a black leather sofa and matching chair and footstool was to my far right. In the corner between window and door, directly to my right, stood a huge desk made from the same wood as the bed and the coffee table. I wondered if he’d had the furniture custom made, but that would be over the top, right?  
Only his hand on my back kept me moving forward in my confusion. “I thought I’d get to shower.” I wanted to turn my head to look towards him but hissed in pain as my tense neck protested.  
“This is the best fucking shower in the whole damn building. Perfect water pressure.” he seemed awfully proud of his setup. “And you never specified I wasn’t allowed to watch.” His tongue quickly flicked out to lick his lips. The thought of what else that tongue might be doing had me all hot and bothered again, I even forgot to protest his trickery.  
He stalked into the bathroom through a doorway on the left side and turned on the water. Coming back into the main room, he moved the chair from the sitting area so he had a perfect view at the shower through the open door.  
“All yours.” he nodded towards the bathroom and made himself comfortable on the chair. A clear glass shower stall that was slowly fogging up was all that would protect me from his gaze.  
I didn’t know why, but the thought of him watching me, possible even touching himself while doing so was kinda hot.  
I was half glad I’d finally get to clean up, half scared and self conscious and half turned on. I struggled out of my boots with Negan watching my every move like a predator, ready to strike at any moment. Thoughts raced inside my head and it was sheer force of will that made me keep my cool.  
On bare feet, I padded over the wooden floor and into the bathroom.  
Steam filled the air, warm and inviting. Indirect lightning softened the harsh lines. The grey tiles under my feet felt warm. Did he actually have in-floor heating? What kind of people did he have working for him?  
Unsure what to do with myself I turned around to face him.  
He leaned back in the chair, a smirk on his face and readjusted his cock inside his tight black pants.  
Damn, why did this guy turn me on so bad?  
Slowly, with shaking fingers, I started unbuttoning my shirt, very aware of his gaze on my body. My chest heaved and sank with my every breath and my heartbeat sped up.  
After what felt like an hour but had probably only been a minute, I let the shirt glide down my arms. I only wore my dirty sports bra and probably looked like shit but he still seemed to enjoy the view. His eyes eagerly travelled up and down my figure and another flick of his tongue sent shivers through my body as I unbuttoned my jeans.  
They were so dirty, they’d probably stand on their own once I managed to get out of them. There was no elegant or sexy way to do this, so I turned my back and struggled out of the stiff fabric, awkwardly jumping around first on one foot, then on the other.  
I felt ridiculous with him watching me but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, turning my back seemed to make the show even more enjoyable for him, judging from the look on his face. He had sat up in the chair, elbows on his knees and watched me intently, his hand fingering his greyish beard.  
I thought I would be feeling self-conscious with him watching me, but he was so enthralled with me, seemed so invested, it gave me the confidence to turn back around. The raw want in his eyes made me feel desired and even more important: desirable.  
Our gazes met. He leaned back in the chair again, legs spread, and watched me eagerly. No words were needed to communicate his hunger.  
Holding his gaze, I slowly unhooked my bra and let it fall to the floor. His eyes moved to my chest for a moment but quickly found my face again as I took a steadying breath and pulled down my panties.  
I stood immobile for a moment and felt like he was eating me up with his eyes. I felt his eyes on me when I turned and finally stepped under the hot water. The rainforest shower felt incredibly luxurious and I basked in the warmth of the water. After going weeks without a proper way to clean myself, this was pure joy.  
I unbraided my hair and let the hot water run over me until it ran clear. My tight shoulder muscles relaxed and I let out a soft sigh. I hadn’t felt this comfortable in ages.  
“Hot damn.”  
I tensed. I had completely forgotten about my audience in my moment of bliss. Negan stalked towards the bathroom and stopped in the doorway, casually leaning against the wall. The bulge in his pants was impossible to miss.  
The thought of what hid behind the fabric made my knees weak and parts inside of me clenched in anticipation. My nipples hardened and ached for a caress. Slowly, I let my fingers glide over the hardened flesh, bringing a soft whimper from my own mouth.  
The sound of a belt being unbuckled made me look back at Negan.  
His hand went into his waistband and lazily pumped up and down a few times.  
A pulse of pleasure flashed through me at the sight and I had to hold on to the wall to stop my knees from giving out.  
“Care to join me in here?” I asked.  
He didn’t reply, but pulled his shirt over his head before I had even finished talking.  
His wide chest was covered with dark hair that ran downwards to his stomach and vanished into his pants below his navel. His body screamed alpha with each movement. Efficient and determined, even while doing such a mundane thing as getting undressed.  
Leaning against the glass wall, stretching my head out at the side, I watched him get rid of his shirt and boots and at last… An enormous cock sprang free when he finally pulled down his pants and boxers.  
My face must have betrayed my thoughts and a smirk appeared on his face. “Like what you see, doll?”

He didn’t waste any time and as soon as he stepped into the shower, his hands were all over me. He pushed me against the wall, his dick pressed against me, his mouth all over mine. Dominant and demanding. He wanted to show me he was the boss in this and I was more than willing to comply.  
The water made our bodies slick against each other.  
I let my fingernails glide down over his muscular back and dug into his ass.  
He grabbed me by the hips and lifted me up, holding me between his body and the wall. My legs wrapped themselves around him almost of their own accord.  
I whimpered at the touch, but I needed more. “Fuck me.” I demanded, hissing in his ear.  
“With fucking pleasure.” He readjusted my body against his and in one smooth movement, without any more fuss, he entered me.  
I gasped at the sensation. He was almost too much to take in, but damn this felt good. A jolt of ecstasy sparked through my body and I spasmed against him.  
“You alright, doll?” he grumbled next to my ear, his voice deeper than usual.  
I didn’t trust my mouth to form words, so I just nodded, biting my lip.  
He moved inside of me, hitting all the right spots, forcing moans from my mouth, taking all control away from me. His mouth was on my neck, biting and sucking on my sensitive skin.  
I held on to him as if my life depended on it, my hands on his strong back and in his hair. The hot water raining down on us drowned out everything but the two of us. I felt like I was on drugs. My skin tingled everywhere he touched me, my nerves raw.  
Each of his thrusts brought another moan from my mouth. He made a very male noise in the back of his throat, growling like the predator he was.  
I felt myself clench around him and held on tighter. One of my legs slipped and caught myself on tiptoe, the other leg remaining around his hip.  
He took a moment to readjust to the change in position. His hands grabbed each of mine and pulled them up over my head. A toothy, self-assured grin appeared on his face as he continued pounding into me, so hard it was almost painful. My body jerked with each of his thrusts.  
With his one hand holding both of mine over my head and the other on my thigh, I knew I was all his in this moment. Completely at his mercy.  
“Fucking hell!” I moaned and felt myself clench around him again… and again…  
My eyes fluttered back in my head as my orgasm washed over me and I lost the last bit of control I’d had; shivering all over, held upright only by him.  
His thrusts became faster and faster, the expression on his face full of concentration until he couldn’t hold back any longer. With one last groan he pulled out and spilled his orgasm all over the floor.  
He let go of my arms and I barely managed to catch myself before my knees gave out.  
Chuckling weakly, shaking, I held on to him to keep upright. Damn, now I needed another shower.  
Again, I was squeezed between Negan and the wall. He leaned with his forehead against the tiles, breathing heavily. “Fucking fuck…” he cursed.  
“You’re such a poet.” I chuckled.  
“Damn right I am.” he agreed, building himself up to full height.  
I held on to his arm, not yet entirely trusting my legs.  
Biting his lip, he looked down at me. “Now for the warm, soft, fresh bed…”  
I grinned. “Let me guess…”  
He scooped me up in his arms and carried me out of the bathroom not bothering with a towel. My wet hair was dripping all over the floor, but he didn’t seem to mind.  
He placed me on the bed and looked down at me, admiration and lust filling his eyes once more.  
“If I was 20 years younger, I’d ravish you again right this fucking moment.” he said.  
I scooched backwards on the bed to make space for him. “And if I was able to walk on my own, I’d demand you do.” I weakly replied.  
He lay down on the bed and rolled to his side so he was facing me.  
“If you were one of my wives, we could do this every damn day.” he said, voice becoming serious.  
“If I was one of your wives, you’d become as bored by me as you are by each of them within a month.” I rolled my eyes.  
“You could sleep in a warm, soft bed every night…”  
“Negan, stop it. I’d rather be free and sleep on the ground than sit in the glass cage that’s your harem.”  
It felt weird having that argument while I was stark naked, so I pulled the blanket over me. Damn those really were fresh sheets. They even smelled of laundry detergent.  
“Well, doll, if you ever change your mind, I’m fucking here.” He gestured up and down his body with a smirk.  
“Yea, I know.” I wasn’t really mad at him for asking me again, but I was fucking tired of it I turned onto my other side so my back faced him.  
I had been exhausted before and that shower had done nothing to change that.  
The covers behind me rustled and I felt Negan move. He came close and spooned me from behind, pressing his body against mine.  
Suddenly Big Bad Negan didn’t seem so bad anymore, being all soft and cuddly. I’d honestly though hell would freeze over before something like that ever happened.


	3. The Tyrant shows his true face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren expected a nice day off and got everything but.  
> Shouting, smut and then some more shouting and fighting.

The next morning, I slept late.  
When I woke up, I was alone in the huge bed. I was warm and dry and covered in the softest of blankets. Luxuriously I yawned and stretched my limbs. I hadn’t slept this well in a long time.  
Rolling over, I buried myself deeper into the covers.  
There was nowhere I had to be today and I planned to just stay in bed as long as I could and maybe have another go with Negan.  
I had almost fallen back asleep when someone inside the room cleared his throat.  
I froze. Who was this? The sense of relaxation I’d felt a second ago was gone.  
My weapons were god knew where. That was the one rule not even I was exempt of, it seemed: No weapons for guests.  
Slowly I pulled down the blanket far enough to see who was in the room with me.  
The morning light from the windows was blindingly bright.  
“Wakey Wakey.” Simon said when I found his face. He sat in the leather chair Negan had sat in yesterday.  
I groaned. What did he want from me?  
“The boss sent me to bring you some clothes. I had a few minutes, so I thought I’d watch over you,” he answered my unspoken question.  
I sat up in bed, clutching the blanket to my chest. “Would you please leave?” I asked. I had no weapons and the gun on his belt was very visible. His hand lazily resting on top of it probably wasn’t a coincidence.  
“Why so dismissive so early in the morning? Look out the window, it’s a beautiful day to freeload in the fruit of other people’s labor.”  
I stared at him, raising an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”  
“Oh you know, just you coming here, acting like you’re all high and mighty, eating our food, demanding special treatment for your horse… this isn’t a fucking spa, you know?!” he had started all nice and friendly, but talked himself into a fit by the end of the sentence.  
I laughed. “Yea, because that’s the thing you don’t like about me. Sure. Keep telling yourself that”  
“No, no, no, dear, not at all.” he barked an angry laugh. “You and your special status are only the cherry on top. I mean… why would the boss treat me with the respect I fucking deserve if he can instead treat you like a fucking princess and make me carry your shit like a fucking servant?”  
“Well, I don’t know… I’d say it’s because I’m pretty, but I feel like there’s something more buried under the surface. Do you want to talk about it?” I shot him a fake smile.  
“Oh you think you’re so funny…” His face was twisted with anger.  
“I honestly don’t care if I’m funny or not. Get the fuck out of the room.” I was starting to get annoyed.  
“Or what?” he asked, slowly getting up from the chair.  
I didn’t really have a threat ready, but he didn’t have to know that. Wordlessly I wrapped the blanket around myself and climbed out of bed.  
I stared at him and even though I wanted very much to punch him I did no such thing but instead grabbed the bundle of clothes from the table, shot him a grin and awkwardly stumbled into the bathroom. I managed to trip over the blanket that dragged around my feet only once and considered this a success.  
Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it and took a deep breath.  
Swallowing my pride was hard, but it was how I survived in this world. Not starting fights I knew I couldn’t win.  
I turned the key and placed the suspiciously light bundle of clothes on the counter.  
My dirty clothes from yesterday were gone and the dirt I had left on the ground had been cleaned up as well. There was no residue or even water spotting anywhere. Someone had obviously cleaned the room. Damn, how deep had I been sleeping?

Unfolding the clothes did nothing to improve my mood.  
There was a little black dress a tiny tiny lacey g-string. Nothing else.  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I cursed, looking at the teeny piece of fabric that pretended very hard to be underwear.  
I doublechecked I hadn’t missed anything and sadly enough, the clothes I had didn’t suddenly become different clothes.  
I’d fucking rip Negan a new one for doing this to me.  
Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the g-string, even though there wasn’t really a reason to. It barely covered anything, still I didn’t want to go commando while run through the Compound to find him. I looked ridiculous in the tiny thing.  
I had never been skinny in my life and even though I didn’t get enough food every day, my body somehow managed to keep its curves, some of them a bit ample for wearing that kind of lingery.  
Unwilling to look at myself in the mirror any longer, I put on the dress, cursing again about the lack of a bra.  
When I turned towards the mirror again though, I had to admit I looked good. The stretchy fabric hugged my curves in all the right places and the thin straps showed off my muscular arms while magically managing to push up my boobs. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but I kinda liked the dress.  
The G-String… not so much. It touched awkward spots that were still sore from last night. I took a few steps inside the bathroom, checking myself out in the mirror to make sure I wasn’t walking funny.  
Then I took a deep breath and opened the door.  
Simon was gone. Nice. 

Finding Negan in the Compound was even easier than I had expected. My plan had been to go where the terrified men and women were coming from, but instead, I found him in his office.  
He was screaming at someone through the closed door. I couldn’t make out the words, but they didn’t seem friendly.  
Walking through the corridors on bare feet in the tiny dress had been making me feel terribly exposed. That seemed to be a first world problem compared to the guy who was fleeing Negan’s office now. He looked like someone had beat him up with a newspaper.  
Not surprisingly, he didn’t stop to chat but quickly scuttled off instead. 

The door was slightly ajar and I went straight for it. A guard, Tony from the Outpost, I realized, stopped me though. How did the saying go, about how you always met people twice in your life? This was real life proof for that figure of speech.  
Tony looked down at me with a dirty smirk on his face. I crossed my arms over my boobs and looked up at him. He was a tall fellow, even taller now that I wasn’t sitting on my horse.  
“Let me pass!” I barked. I was in no mood to play games.  
The spot where I had kicked him yesterday surely was a nice painful bruise by now. I pushed my fingers right against the spot and walked past him before he could recover.

Negan casually lounged in his chair at the head of the table, a tumbler with some amber liquid in his hand. He wore his trademark shawl, white t-shirt and black pants and boots. Slowly he turned his head towards me and bit his lower lip.  
I didn’t wait for him to say anything. “Are you fucking serious?” I barked, not giving a shit about Tony who was looming behind me.  
Negan eyed me from head to toe, smirking, taking his time to fuck me with his eyes, drinking his liquor.  
“Leave,” he ordered Tony, “and shut the door on your way out.” 

Once we were alone, Negan turned his attention back to me. “And a good fucking morning to you, doll.”  
“Yea, fuck you too.” Damn. I was starting to sound like him. “Are you really serious?” I asked again.  
“What are you talking about? Enlighten me doll, will you?” He got up and stalked towards me. His voice was filled of unspoken promise. “You look fucking gorgeous.”  
Wordlessly, I motioned up and down my body, making a face at him.  
A smirk appeared on his face and he licked his lips. “Do you like it?”  
“Do I fucking look like I like it?” I placed my hands on my hips.  
“Well… I do like it… a lot.” He carefully traced the strap of my dress with his index finger. The small touch sent goosebumps up and down my skin. I cursed my body for betraying me like that.  
Negan stared down at me, scratching his beard with thumb and forefinger.  
I crossed my arms in front of my chest and shot him a glance. Looking threatening was hard when the one you wanted to threaten was so much taller than yourself. He seemed to get the message though. His face fell and he didn’t seem quite as pleased with himself anymore.  
“And having Simon watch over me while I sleep? You can’t be fucking serious!” I continued.  
“I really can’t blame him for looking at you doll, can I? You’re fucking beautiful.” His voice got all soft again.  
“I hate Simon.” I shouted. “And I hate this fucking piece of underwear you gave me. Are people seriously wearing these?” I pulled on the string through the dress awkwardly. It had gotten uncomfortably stuck in an unmentionable place.  
Negan chuckled silently, his chest convulsing with his laughter. “I’m fucking sorry doll. How can I make it up to you.”  
That took the wind straight out of my sails. He didn’t seem like a man who said sorry very often.  
A million thoughts raced through my head and I smirked as an idea came to mind. I’d let him make it up to me alright. He noticed my change of mood and the slow grin reappeared on his face.  
I sat on the table and moved backwards a bit.  
“Sit.” I ordered, pointing to the chair in front of me with my bare foot.  
He slowly sat down, staring at me like a cat would stare at a mouse.  
Slowly I put my feet in his lap.  
Without having to be asked, he took my foot in between his hands. “You feelin’ clean enough today, doll?”  
“Sure and also, I don’t care as much, because you owe me.” I smirked at him.  
“And what exactly would I fucking owe you for, doll?” he asked, his voice was dark, but not with anger. Slowly and gently, he rubbed my foot with strong but gentle moves of his thumbs and fingers  
I closed my eyes and leaned back on my hands. He obviously knew what he was doing.  
“Because you make me wear this piece of… of nothing as underwear.” I slowly answered.  
Wordlessly, he continued massaging the sole of my foot. The sole and up towards the ankle and calf. A soft sigh escaped my lips, as he found the back of my knee.  
“Does it turn you on?” I asked to fill the silence.  
“Does what turn me on, doll? You making these hot damn noises?” He let his fingers move upwards even farther.  
It took a lot of willpower to form a coherent sentence. “No… the… the underwear I mean…”  
He grinned up at me. “Of fucking course it does.”  
“Well… I don’t much care for it.” I pulled my foot out of his hands, pulled the lingerie down my legs and stepped out of it.  
Negan’s eyes went wide when I sat back up on the table and placed my feet in his lap again, spreading my legs just far enough so he could catch a glimpse of what lay hidden.  
“If you’re doing well, you can get a mouthful of that later…” I whispered, voice husky. Parts of me were aching for him already.  
He licked his lips eagerly and I knew exactly what kind of thoughts were flashing through his mind.  
He took my other foot and gave it the same attention as he had given the first one. I sat up straighter again and watched him.  
He was completely focused on his task. With him it didn’t make a difference if he was beating someone to death or massaging my feet. He gave everything he did his full attention.  
I watched his fingers move upwards from my calf, my heart beating faster with every inch he rose.  
“And what makes you so sure you’re all done down there?” I breathed.  
He let his eyes travel up my body and back down again. “For the most part, the fact that from my point of view it looks like your pussy is glistening like a fucking honey pot already, doll.”  
He pulled my legs up on his shoulders and moved closer to me, letting his lips and beard glide over my soft skin on the inside of my legs.  
I shivered in anticipation and enclosed his shoulders with my legs once he was near enough.  
He wrapped his arms around my thighs, pulled himself even closer and let his tongue flick over my flesh.  
I closed my eyes with a sigh. The scratch of his beard intensified the sensation tenfold as he buried his face in me.  
“You’re sweet like fucking nectar.” he murmured against my skin. His hot breath sent shivers up and down my spine.  
He locked his mouth around my clit and sucked deeply, his fingers finding my opening at the same time and he rendered me unable to speak or think for an indeterminable amount of time. All I could do was whimper and moan and twitch.  
I found his head with my hands and pulled him closer. I wouldn’t let go until I was done.  
But at this rate, it wouldn’t take long anyways.  
I mewled under the flicks of his tongue, my hips moving upwards against him of their own accord, my muscles slowly starting to convulse against him.  
“Fuck!” I cursed. “This… Oh…”  
I felt him chuckle against me and closed my eyes again, completely losing myself in the sensation. I was hovering on a cloud of joy.  
My flesh was still sore from last night, but I didn’t care at that moment.  
I fell back onto my elbows and had to let go of his head. I couldn’t hold myself upwards any longer.  
Free of my hold, he lifted himself up and his hands moved upwards from my ass over my hips and stomach found my breasts.  
I whimpered, as he pulled the fabric down and exposed my skin to the cool air in the room. “Fuck you’re gorgeous.” he gasped.  
Quite a picture I must have made. My dress up around my hips, my breasts out, my knees bent up against my shoulders.  
“Stop staring. You got a fucking job to finish!” I wanted to make it sound like an order, but it came out more like a plea. If I could have reached his head, I’d have pushed him down again.  
“Of fucking course, mistress.” he chuckled.  
I just barely managed to look up at him, to see him dive down again.  
And then again, all I could do was whimper and moan.  
I pulled him closer with my legs on the back of his neck. I needed more.  
“Make that noise for me again, doll.” he said, coming up for only a second.  
I moaned, more than willing to comply. He dug in deeper and whatever he was doing brought a scream from my mouth.  
My insides convulsed around his fingers and my legs twitched as I lost all control. “Dear lord….”  
My whole body spasmed against the table as my orgasm washed over me.  
Negan watched me eagerly. “This was fucking gorgeous,” he murmured.  
Blindly, I groped for his face and pushed him away. Speaking was beyond me at that moment.  
I closed my still twitching legs, cutting him off from view.  
“Not just yet, doll.”  
Weakly, I lifted myself up on my elbows again. His face glistened with my juices.  
He wiped his beard with his hands and got up from the chair, while the aftershocks from my orgasm were still shaking me.  
He took my legs by the ankles and spread them apart again. Moving closer, he unbuckled his belt and got out his dick.  
My breath quickened as I realized what he was about.  
Not bothering with any more foreplay, since I was already lubricated as well as I’d ever be, he pushed inside of me.  
I was still overly sensitive and twitched as he thumped into me. Whimpering with each of his thrusts, all I could do was hold on to him as he fucked me. Because that was what he was doing. There was no love, not even like in his movements, only the pure, egoistic search for his own release.  
Riled up as he had obviously been, he came quickly, shooting his load all over my dress.  
Wow. Classy. 

He took a step backwards and grinned at me, obviously pleased with the way I looked.  
I took a slow breath and managed to sit up without getting his load all over myself. Stiffly, I got my feet under me and brought the dress back in order, covering everything that needed to be covered and wiping myself and the dress as well as possible with a rag. If I thought I had been sore before, I was dead wrong.

It took me a few minutes to recover from the high of my orgasm and the low of being covered in jizz. He, in contrast, looked like the cat that got the cream.  
By the time I was done cleaning up, he was back to drinking his booze and cleaning his barbed wire wrapped bat Lucille.  
"That fucking reminds me, doll, I got another present for you." he set his glass down on the table with a soft clink.  
“Another? Like… in addition to cumming all over me?” I asked sarcastically.  
"I took these from a prisoner,” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken and put a handful of crossbow bolts on the table.  
I limped to where he sat and took the bolts to examine them. "Who did you take them from?" I asked. Daryl used a crossbow. Had he been a prisoner here?  
"Don't worry your pretty little head about that, doll." Negan smirked at me. He had sat down and was lovingly cleaning Lucille. Way to go being a creepy ass motherfucker.  
"Don't treat me like a damn kid. Who did you take them from?" I repeated, my voice a little harder than before. I was tired of his games.  
Negan froze midway through wiping Lucile and looked up at me. There was something in his eyes that made the hairs on the back of my neck rise and in this moment I knew why everyone was scared of him.  
"You wanna think about who you're talking to before you thank me for your present and shut the fuck up about it?" he asked. All humor and goodwill had vanished from his voice.  
My mouth was very dry suddenly.  
"I enjoy your damn company doll, because you're smart and a hot piece of ass on top of that, but don't let that fool you into thinking you can fucking disrespect me.” He got up from his chair and walked towards me, bat hanging limply from his hand. “The fact that I’ve just been buried in your pussy to my ears, doesn’t mean you get to fucking question me.” He loomed over me, his voice getting louder with every word. “Under-fucking-stood?”  
I nodded. It took every ounce of bravery I had in me to stand my ground and not back off. The stories I had heard about Negan and his bat had seemed exaggerated, but right this moment, I wouldn’t put anything past him.  
I flinched, when the door opened behind me.  
“What do you want?” Negan brusquely addressed Tony who had stumbled inside.  
“I… I just wanted to make sure you were alright, boss.”  
“Do I look like I fucking need you to come save me?” Negan shouted at him. Riled up as he was, he didn’t care who he was shouting at. I was glad it wasn’t me for the moment.  
“N…. no, Sir, sorry, Sir.” Tony said.  
Negan took a deep breath before talking again, his voice a little calmer. “Escort her out. Give her her shit and get her out of my damn face.”  
Tony obviously wanted to get out of Negan’s face as quickly as possible himself. He grabbed my arm and tried pulling me after him.  
“Don’t you fucking touch me!” I said, refusing to follow him.  
He pulled harder and I stumbled after him for a few steps, before I managed to free myself from his grasp.  
Tony stopped, turned around and slapped me in the face with the back of his hand.  
Stars swam before my field of vision. Oww.  
Before my eyes could properly focus again, Negan had slammed his fist right in Tony’s face so the latter toppled over backwards.  
“Don’t you fucking dare lay your hands on a woman ever again, you useless fucking piece of shit!”  
Tony hastily made it to his feet and out of the office.  
“Get someone to escort her the fuck out!” Negan shouted after him as he scuttled away. 

30 Minutes later, I was outside on my horse, my saddle bags filled with food and freshly laundered clothes. My face still throbbed in pain, but considering I’d just had a fight with Negan and survived mostly unscathed, I counted myself lucky.  
Like every time I promised myself I wouldn’t come back, but I had done that a million times before and yet, here I was, all sore and still sticky from what we had been doing less than an hour before. I knew I’d always be coming back.


	4. And so they meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren is back on the road in search for Daryl. As fate would have it, she finds him.   
> Reunited, they bond again over food and bad dreams.

I had to take more frequent breaks than usual due to certain sore parts of my body that complained about sitting in the saddle for hours. My face was also hurting, but at least that didn’t impair my getting on.   
As soon as I passed the last Outpost to the Savior’s territory, I jumped off of Poppy’s back and lead her by the reins to give my abused nether regions a break. Sex with Negan was nice but the aftermath was always a bitch.   
I steered Poppy in the direction of the hut where I had met Daryl. The crossbow bolts Negan had given me, were in my bags, separated from my own that I used.  
I had always known Negan was a hard man. People weren’t scared of him for no reason after all, but to meet someone who had quite possibly suffered under his treatment was an entirely different thing. I didn’t want to imagine what kind of torments Negan was able to come up with. 

The weather, thankfully, was dry once more. The sky was almost cloudless and so blue it looked unreal. A soft, autumn-breeze played through my hair and around Poppy’s mane. I had changed into Jeans and T-shirt back at the compound. The dress had been soiled by Negan’s… spoils and it wouldn’t be much use for me anyways as long as I was out scavenging, so I had left it with the Saviors. Maybe they could fix it… probably not though.

Finding the path towards the hut through the forest was easy. The ground had still been wet yesterday and Poppy and I had left a clearly visible trail in the muddy ground. One pair of feet, two pairs of hooves.   
The forest looked lush and fresh after the past few rainy nights. Everything had been dried out before the big rain.   
The shrubs and trees weren’t the only ones to soak up the rain though.   
A lot of travelers came through here and used the hut as an inn of sorts to get a good night’s sleep under a mostly dry roof or simply just to take a break.   
A lot of travelers also attracted a lot of Walkers unfortunately. The folks who had survived until now were usually pretty good at getting rid of Walkers, so there were a lot of Walker bodies.   
While dried out, half rotten bodies weren’t a very nice sight or smell, wet, half rotten bodies were outright disgusting.   
We made a big bow around the one clearing that looked as if someone had simply blown up a whole bunch of Walkers with a few sticks of dynamite. We avoided the Walker that had somehow managed to get a tree to growing through his body and the one that hung from a low branch by a rope around its neck.   
I forgot about the half corpse with its entrails hanging out though.  
I gagged, as the sickish sweet smell of decay hit me. Poppy blew air through her nostrils, but kept on walking, mostly unfazed.   
“Sorry… I forgot.” I murmured and patted her neck. She snorted once more, but seemed to have forgiven my mistake already. 

When we reached the hut, it was empty. All traces of Daryl ever having been here were gone.   
I didn’t want to stay either. Being at the Saviors Compound had been more than enough social interaction for a week at least. Being out in the woods, there was much less of a chance to meet anyone, so we just had a short break and a bite of food on the porch and continued on our way.   
If Daryl wasn’t here, there was no way to track wherever he had gone. He hadn’t talked enough to give me any kind of clue to where he usually lived, but if fate wanted it, we’d meet again.

There was a lake about two hours from the hut and I wanted to be there by sunset. The nights were still warm enough to sleep outside and that’s what I’d do for as long as possible. During winter, I’d have to find some kind of shelter but I refused to worry about that now. It was still only autumn. September or October at the earliest. I had lost track at one point and never cared to ask anyone. Calendars and timekeeping didn’t matter to me. Poppyseed and I lived by the sun. When it rose, we got up, when it sank, we went to sleep. If it was warm, we enjoyed, if it was cold, we found shelter. We had survived living like that for years now we would continue to do so. 

I had scavenged most of the small towns around here for anything useable, but there was a small business park with an office building that I wanted to inspect more thoroughly before I moved on.  
I had found a lot of useful items in my time as a scavenger and junk dealer, but the one thing I had yet to find was a pair of glasses that matched my eyesight. I had broken mine about a year after the apocalypse and searching for a new pair of glasses had been the main cause for me to start scavenging. Noone else seemed to think of Office buildings as a possible treasure cove, so they remained mostly untouched until I came along. The amount of random stuff people kept at their office was honestly bordering on ridiculous, and all I had to do was crack one or two locks and take it. I knew I’d find a pair of glasses as well at one point. I counted on fate in this department as well.

+++

The lake glittered like a million diamonds in the light of the sinking sun. The wind painted soft patterns on the water and there was a deer drinking at the waterfront opposite of us. It was peaceful. After the drama at the Saviors, I craved peace and quiet.   
I checked and double checked if any enemies were around, before I stopped Poppy and jumped off her back and lead her towards the water’s edge to have a drink. The ground was bare earth, grown through by roots and littered with pebbles.   
To our left, shrubs and small trees grew over the water, low hanging branches touching the surface. To our right, reeds taller than me almost hid the six half rotten wooden beams that used to be part of a cat-walk. When I had first come here, there had been a boat docked to the still intact cat-walk. Both, cat-walk and boat were gone now. One of the beams had half toppled over since my last visit. A few more years and all traces of anything manmade ever having been here would be gone.   
I loved this place and I had always loved water. After double- and triple checking no one was nearby, felt safe enough to pull my shirt and pants and walk into the lake in my underwear. The water was cold around my ankles, around my knees… I walked till the water stopped around my hips, then I bent over and glided through the surface. Damn, it was cold.  
I swam a short distance before turning around and swimming back. I couldn’t get too far away from Poppy and my stuff.   
Once I reached the ground with my toes, I quickly scrubbed my body and face and hurried back to dry land. Again, thoughts of the coming winter months seeped into my brain and again I quickly shoved them away. It was still months before that would become an issue.  
If push came to shove, I could always agree to be Negan’s wife… better become his slave than freeze to death. Or maybe not. I didn’t know.  
I walked back out and dried off. 

Just as I was stepping into a dry pair of panties, I heard a twig break in the forest.   
Poppy’s ears twitched and she turned her head in the direction of the noise. I didn’t bother with getting fully dressed, just pulled on my flannel shirt and buttoned the two middle buttons. On bare feet I tiptoed to where my crossbow lay on the ground and took aim in the general direction of the sound, while sneaking to hide against the closest tree. I didn’t hear the telltale straggling or moaning of a Walker, so it was either an animal or a human.   
Another twig broke and I saw the shape of a man vanish behind a tree.   
Fuck.  
My heartbeat sped up a notch and I had to force myself to breathe calmly.  
He was farther into the forest than I was. I pressed myself against the bark of the tree, hoping he would be blinded by the sunlight and not see me.  
There he was again. Closer than before and looking directly at me. Fuck!  
“What do you want?” I shouted, putting every ounce of menace I had into my voice. He had seen me. There was no use hiding from him.  
“Don’t shoot!” the guy answered. The voice was oddly familiar.  
I pulled my eyebrows together and lowered my crossbow halfway. “Daryl?”   
More twigs broke and clearly audible steps on the ground came closer. Now that I’d seen him, there was no use to being silent anymore. “Don’t shoot!” he said again, his hands lifted to shoulder height.   
“I won’t.” I said, lowering the crossbow all the way. “I was looking for you!”   
He stepped out from a group of trees and finally I could see him clearly. He wore a sleeveless black leather vest over a flannel shirt with ripped off sleeves. His crossbow was safely tucked away on his back, atop his backpack. His greasy hair was half hiding his face and again, I wondered how he managed to hit anything, while shooting.  
“Why are you sneaking around? You scared me.”   
“You stole my shirt!” he grunted instead of answering my question.   
“So what? You decided to steal it back? Just so you know: I was looking for you, trying to give it back. Even had it washed.” I shrugged the shoulder strap of my crossbow over my head so it came to rest on its customary spot on my back and tried to keep my face neutral.  
Momentarily forgetting about my state of dress, I walked towards Poppyseed and started rummaging through my bags.   
“What happened to you?” Daryl said, following me around the horse so he could look at me. “Did anyone hurt you?”   
I stopped my rummaging and looked at him.  
His gaze was fixed on my legs. I looked down at myself and blushed for my lack of pants. I had noticed the bruises of course, but hadn’t thought twice of them. Sex with Negan usually left a few marks.  
“No… nothing… I’m okay.” I turned away, took my pants from my bundle of clothes on the ground and quickly stepped into them.   
“If you need help…” he trailed off, noticing my face.   
There was probably another bruise from Tony’s slap this morning. Quite a picture I must have made.   
I put the belt with my hatchet around my hips and buckled it. “Just had a run in with some old friends… don’t worry…” I waved him off, getting back to looking for his shirt. “Here!” I handed it to him when I finally found it.   
He took a step closer, still eying me suspiciously, but took his shirt nonetheless.   
“Umm… I also got my hands on these and wondered if they might be yours.” I slowly took the bundle of his bolts out of the bag as well.  
He took them and eyed me suspiciously. “Where’d you get those?”  
Okay, I hadn’t thought this trough. I didn’t really want to advertise the fact that I fucked Negan on a semi-regular basis, but Daryl would obviously know who had taken his bolts. Damn.   
“Are they yours?” I tried diverting the conversation.   
He nodded but kept on staring at me.   
I swallowed nervously. “Please don’t ask where I got them.”  
His face became grim.  
I turned away, feeling stupid. I shouldn’t have gone to find him. Being imprisoned by the Saviors in all likelihood wasn’t very pleasant and my giving him his bolts had probably brought back the memories.   
“Thank you.” he murmured at the same time as I said “Sorry.”  
I laughed.  
“You hungry?” he asked and only now I noticed the dead squirrels hanging from his belt.   
I nodded. “Always.” And like that, the tension was gone. He didn’t talk, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was simply who he was.   
I quickly gathered some wood for a small fire while he dissected his kill.   
Once it was over the fire, he sat back and watched the flames.   
“I can watch it… if you want to have a quick bath or anything.” I offered, coming back from the lake where I had filled my dented metal canteens. Sitting down on a stump next to him I couldn’t help but notice his very… male, for lack of a better word, smell. “The water is cold, but… clean, you know…” I shrugged.   
He looked at me as if I had just offered to kill his grandma, but his face slowly changed when he took a deep sniff from himself.   
He was quite a few years older than me. I’d guess somewhere in his 40s, but in that moment he looked very young. Like a child that had been scolded.  
“Sorry, I… didn’t mean to offend you.” I slowly said. “I just… I know finding a moment to clean up can be hard when you’re alone.”  
He said nothing but slowly shrugged out of his vest and unbuttoned his shirt, carelessly dumping everything on the ground.  
I averted my eyes and occupied myself with my canteens to give him a modicum of privacy. I had started boiling my water before I drank it after I had caught some stomach bug a few years ago.

By the time Daryl emerged from his bath, the meat was all done. The sun had vanished behind the trees and it was almost completely dark.  
He used my towel to dry off and put on his dirty jeans and the shirt I’d given him.  
“Dinner’s served, honey.” I tried making a joke when he sat down next to the fire again, grinning at him.  
He looked at me and shook his head, trying and failing to hide the small smile on his face. Ha! I was cracking his tough exterior.  
The fire was slowly burning down to embers and only the moonlight illuminated our dinner. The forest had gone silent with most of its inhabitants asleep.  
We didn’t talk either, only the sound of our chewing and the crack of the fire now and then interrupted the silence. This was nice. Daryl seemed perfectly content as well. I kept catching glimpses of smirks from him in the low light.  
Despite the comfortable dinner we had going, both of us kept scanning the darkness for danger. It was a habit you picked up quickly, once you started traveling alone.

“I’ll take first watch.” Daryl offered once we were done eating.   
“Not necessary. Poppy will wake up if anything comes close. Flight animal and all, you know… She’ll be our watch.”   
Daryl looked at Poppyseed, then back at me like he wasn’t entirely sure I was serious.   
“She has saved my ass more than once, I swear.”   
He still said nothing.   
“I mean… you can stay awake and wake me up when you get tired, if it makes you feel safer. But it really isn’t necessary. I trust her with my life.”   
“Alright.” he slowly agreed.   
He got up and threw some dirt over the dying fire so it wouldn’t attract Walkers by night. There was still some warmth radiating from the embers, but I still put on a second shirt before I wrapped myself in my moldy smelling blanket. It was scratchy and full of holes, but it kept me warm.   
Daryl walked to where Poppyseed stood and talked to her in a low voice, before moving to the other side of the fire, pulling on his leather jacket and laying down on the bare ground. No cushion, no blanket, nothing.

“You’ve been a naughty girl.” Negan chuckled.   
“Yes, daddy, I have…” I said, voice playful. I licked the lollypop in my hand and kept my eyes focused on him.   
“I’ll have to punish you for being such a bad girl.” he said and slowly came closer.  
“Yes, daddy! I’m bad.” I grinned, sucking on the lollypop.   
With a chuckle, Negan took me by the arm and pulled me towards a school desk that hadn’t been there a second ago.   
I was wearing a ridiculously tiny school girl uniform, the skirt so short, it barely covered my ass, the blouse so sheer, it left nothing to the imagination.  
Negan seemed to like it. He bent me over the desk and lifted my skirt.   
“What a bad girl you are.” he slapped my ass. My body twitched in a mix of pleasure and pain.  
“Punish me, daddy.” I encouraged him and again, his flat hand landed on my ass.   
Then, something changed. Suddenly, I felt a weight on top of my back and my face and body were pressed against the wood. Shackles appeared out of nowhere and an invisible force pulled my hands towards them and snapped them shut so I was caught, my upper body bent over the table, my legs dangling off at the side.  
Negan appeared before me, his face twisted with anger and I realized he had Lucille in his hand.   
“What a bad girl you are!” he said, all traces of playfulness gone from his voice, and lifted the bat.   
I struggled against my bonds, but they held firm. “No! Stop it!” I shouted, but Negan didn’t care. He brought the barbed wire wrapped bat down on my ass and I screamed in pain.

And then someone grabbed my arm. I struggled to get free, but the hand quickly pulled back. It took me a second to realize I had been dreaming. My pulse must be somewhere around 200 beats per second.   
I whimpered in fear and tried to move away when I saw a male shape crouch next to me, but my legs and arms were tangled in the blanket.   
“Shhhh… It was only a nightmare.” the man said. This wasn’t Negan, I slowly realized.   
“Fuck.” I whispered, slowly getting myself back under control. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged myself.  
“Are you alright?” Daryl asked.   
I shivered but slowly nodded. “Yea, I think…”  
Poppy snorted behind me and put her nose on my shoulder. The familiar feel and smell of her warm breath calmed me down.   
“I can stay with you until you fall back asleep.” Daryl quoted my words from a few nights ago. A reassuring smile played around his mouth.   
I weakly smiled back at him, the dream still fresh in my mind.  
“You were talking in your sleep…“ his voice was hushed, “… about your father.”   
I felt the blood rush into my face and was grateful the darkness hid my blush. Damn, this was embarrassing.   
I rolled over and lay down again so I wouldn’t have to face him. Daryl sat down on the ground behind me, his hand on my shoulder. I awkwardly took hold of my blanket behind my back and draped it partway over his legs.  
“Thank you.” I whispered.

When I opened my eyes the next time, dawn was just breaking. I was stiff from sleeping on the ground. Moisture hung in the air in wafts of mist. The sun had barely risen, but a noise from the forest had disturbed my sleep. Walkers.   
Poppyseed stood next to me, her nose close to my face. She had probably tried waking me up for a while. I looked towards where Daryl had made his bed last night, but found he was gone. Good for him, bad for me.   
Slowly, as silently as possible, I sat up. My crossbow was on the ground, my hatchet still hung on my hip. I never took it off if I could help it.   
Shivering only partly from the cold, I freed myself from the blanket.  
Noislessly I got to my feet and reached out to calm Poppy. She remained perfectly still. Good horse.   
There was a group of about ten Walkers in the forest, about 35 feet away. They staggered through the undergrowth, seemingly aimless, but it would only take one noise from our direction and they’d be all over us. I reached for my bolts and loaded without taking my eyes from the Walkers. They had almost passed us.   
Something in the reeds behind us jumped into the water with a splash. One of the walkers turned and started stumbling towards us. God Damnit!  
Without thinking, I lifted the crossbow. It was moments like this when I longed for my glasses. Aiming was so much easier when you saw your target clearly.  
Luckily, Walkers were quite a big target. They were a bit blurry around the edges, but I saw where their heads were. This and the fact that my father had trained me to shoot since I could walk was probably the sole reason I was still alive. Breathing out I aimed at the first Walker. Its outlines were clear enough to easily let me hit it right between the eyes.   
The bolt buried itself in his head and he went down like a log. Too late though. His friends had been alerted by his staggering off course and were stumbling towards me. Fuck.   
There were five of them close together and three others staggering a few steps behind.   
Quickly loading, shooting and reloading, I took out four before they made it even halfway towards me. My fifth shot was a miss though. I silently cursed. I only had ten bolts. I couldn’t afford to miss.   
My heartbeat sped up a notch, as I shot again. Another miss. Fuck! I was getting nervous. My hands were shivering.  
Taking a deep breath, I loaded another bolt and took aim. I had done this a million times before. I refused to fail now.  
The Walker wore a faded needlestripe suit. Fancy. Didn’t help her though. She twitched once as I hit her and then went down. The smaller group of three remained.  
I still had three bolts, but they were getting too close to shoot.   
Poppy shied as one of them reached for her.   
I put the crossbow onto my back and grabbed my hatchet, in one smooth motion. Winding up and putting all my strength into the hit, I split his head with my hatchet. Blood and other gooey things I didn’t want to think about splashed onto my face.   
I wanted to gag, but there were still two Walkers in close proximity. One to my left, the other to my right. Lifting my hatchet again, I took out the one to my right at the same moment as the other one reached for my shoulder. I felt his greedy fingers dig into my skin and turned around to shake him off. In my turn, I stumbled over a root and fell backwards. Shit!  
I caught myself on my hands, squeezing the fingers of my right hand between the grip of the hatchet and the root I had stumbled over. Oww.   
The Walker fell on top of me, his mouth wide open. He reeked of rot. Fuck this was disgusting.   
I struggled to get my hatchet free from under me, but with me half sitting on top of it and the Walker weighing me down, it was stuck. Shit!   
My heart raced in my chest and I couldn’t think. All I saw was the Walker’s face like 4 inches away from mine. Rotten teeth, empty, milky eyes. No! This wouldn’t be the last thing I saw. No fucking way. Thinking back of a self defense class I had taken a million years ago, I tried lifting my hips and rolling over, so I’d be on top. Too bad that self defense class hadn’t focused on how immoveable a reanimated course was though; and how Walkers weren’t surprised by unexpected moves. Fuck fuck fuck!   
All I could do was hold on to his shoulders to keep his mouth away from me, but he was incredibly heavy and I had no idea how long I could keep that up. Already, I felt the half rotten flesh of his shoulders give against my fingers. If I broke through his skin or snapped his collarbones, he’d be right in my face. Damn.  
Poppy shied and neighed next to me. She turned around to kick my attacker off, but before she had turned fully, a crossbow bolt pierced the Walkers’ head from ear to ear. It went limp and sacked down on top of me.   
Danger averted, my arms started shaking and collapsed under the dead weight almost immediately. Fuck, this was so disgusting.  
Daryl’s face appeared in my line of vision. “Get him off of me!” I shouted. My voice sounded panicky. Damnit, I hated this. Walkers were revolting enough from afar, but up close… I bent to the side and puked on the ground.   
The dead body was rolled off of me and I pushed myself up to sitting.   
Damnit. If it wasn’t for Daryl, I’d be dead. That couldn’t happen.   
Poppyseed snorted and pranced on the spot. Her distress momentarily let me forget about my own inner turmoil. I reached for her without looking, grabbing empty air a few times before I found her leg and calmed her down with soft words.  
“They’re gone. You’re safe.” I whispered and gently patted her to let her know I was alright. “Shhhh… it’s all good.”   
“You alright?” Daryl said, crouching down next to me, ignoring my horse.  
“Fuck, I hate Walkers.” I murmured, feeling my neck for scratches. “Did it get me?” I lifted my head so he could take a look.   
He inspected my skin and then shook his head.   
“Help me up?” I asked, reaching a hand out for him.   
With a strong grip, he pulled me up to standing. I hissed as my middle finger was compressed in Daryl’s hand. Oww.   
I inspected my hand and found the finger was already starting to swell up. Carefully I wriggled it. Not broken. Good. Considering I’d just had a Walker on top of me, I could absolutely live with an aching finger. 

Half an hour later, both Poppy and I had mostly calmed down. She had lain down on the ground and I sat next to her, leaning against her body. “Sorry for scaring you like that.” I whispered against her neck.   
She snorted.   
Daryl had pulled all the Walkers onto a pile and was setting them on fire. I watched him as he got up and walked towards me.  
“You ready?” he asked, wiping his hands on his jeans.   
A small flame was flickering at the very edge of the pile and growing as I looked.   
I nodded and got up. The stink would be unbearable in a minute or two. I wanted to be far away by then.


	5. A successful scavenging trip (that leads to fluff)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally reaching the much awaited office building, Daryl and Ren use their time there for some very successful scavenging and deeper bonding. Daryl slowly opens up a bit and some booze speeds up the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote three versions of the ending for this chapter. The differences are minor, but I still thought I'd share the other two (unedited!!) versions with you as well... they're in the end notes and I marked the spot where they can be entered in the story with a #sign...   
> Let me know which ending you'd have chosen!

Since Daryl didn’t have a horse and Poppy couldn’t carry us both, she just carried our baggage as the three of us trotted along the crumbling road.   
We had almost escaped the smell of burning, rotten bodies. Almost.   
“Thank you for saving my ass back there.” I said once we were out of the stink. “I’m usually better at defending myself.”   
“Could have happened to anyone…” Daryl shrugged.  
“Yea, but It usually doesn’t happen to me…” I stared at the ground in front of my feet.   
“You’re alive. That’s what counts.”

Daryl seemed content walking in silence. I was too, for the first hour.  
“Break time.” I announced and stopped in the middle of the road. The spot wasn’t anything special. The stretch of road looked exactly the same as it had looked 100 feet behind us and would look 200 feet before us; an ever thinning strip of crumbling asphalt, surrounded by trees on both sides; roots and dandelion leafs forcing themselves through the pavement, ground covering plants growing on top of it. It looked nice, actually.   
One could say whatever they wanted, but this whole apocalypse deal was quite aesthetically pleasing… except for the Walkers and dead bodies of course; and the death and destruction.  
Daryl stopped with me and walked to Poppy to get our water bottles. 

When I put my canteen back into my bag, a small, tinfoil wrapped packet fell into my hand. I hadn’t packed the bags myself and I had yet to check what Sally, the woman who oversaw the Saviors kitchens, had deemed expendable enough to give me.   
I sat down on the ground with the packet and carefully unwrapped it. Tinfoil had become kinda precious since there was a limited amount of it and I’d use it again and again until it’d fall apart.  
“Ooooooh!!! Sweet!” I exclaimed when I realized what a treasure I had found.   
Daryl frowned at me.   
“Cookies!” I held the half unwrapped package up to him with a huge grin on my face.  
“Where’d you get those?” he asked distrustfully, eyebrows pulling together, but slowly sat down next to me nonetheless.   
“Don’t ask. Just thank me for my generosity and enjoy.” I broke one of the cookies in half and gave one of the pieces to him. Breaking the other part in two again, I put one of the pieces in my mouth and closed my eyes. Sighing I leaned back and enjoyed.   
Sugar was a rare commodity these days, as were most spices. I wasn’t used to eating anything that had more than a few herbs in it and the flavors practically exploded in my mouth. Pumpkin and sugar and nutmeg and underneath, the lightest amount of vanilla. It was so delicious, my eyes threatened to tear up. “Damn….” I whispered.   
Daryl’s eyes were closed as well. He was slowly chewing the sugary goodness.   
I broke my second piece in two again and ate half.  
“My mum used to bake chocolate chip cookies all the time.”  
Daryl turned his head towards me. “My gran’ma too”   
“Only back then I never realized what a fucking luxury this was…” I chuckled sadly. “Damn, this is good…”  
Daryl lay down on his back and stared up in the sky, still slowly chewing.   
I lay down as well before popping the last piece into my mouth. The asphalt was warmed up from the sun. I let my head rest on my arms and relaxed.  
Playfully I put my legs on top of Daryl’s. He lifted his head and looked at me before laying down again with a snort.   
The part of the sky we saw through the tips of the trees was mostly blue, but a few fluffy clouds were approaching. It would probably rain again soon.   
“This is nice.” I murmured. 

A few minutes later I slowly sat up and felt a smile spread on my face. “So… you want more cookie or should we keep it for later?”   
The small package rested on the road between the two of us. “Hmm… let’s keep it for later.” I answered my own question and carefully wrapped it back up.   
“Alright, then Break time’s over. Get up, old man!” I swiftly moved to my feet and held my hand out for him.   
He stared at me and for a second I wasn’t sure if I’d offended him. “You better show some respect, kid.” he half laughed. Refusing my hand, he got to his feet almost as swiftly as me. 

Cookies and rest had greatly restored my motivation and I felt confident I’d find something good once we reached that business park.   
Daryl had never asked where I was headed, he was simply tagging along with me. It was nice having a companion for once.   
“So… why are you traveling all alone?” I asked once we emerged out of the forest. A cloud was hiding the sun and it was getting cool in the shade. I wrapped my arms around myself.   
The business park was visible a few hundred yards away. The wind had freshened up and more and more clouds collected above our heads, but there was nothing but plain grassland between us and the building. If we hurried, we’d probably be able to get there on dry feet.  
“People are… exhausting.”   
I laughed. Yea, true that.  
“I was traveling with a group… but we had… differences.” he continued. Wow! Volunteering information. That was a first.   
“Did they kick you out?” I asked, turning my head so I could look at his face.   
“Nah… I left… I’ll go back in winter.”  
Now it was my turn to grunt. Seemed like everyone had a home base. Everyone but me.  
“What about you?” he asked.   
“I don’t wanna talk about it… too much death and drama…” I murmured.   
“Sorry…”   
“Don’t worry… I’m over it… that was years ago… I just don’t wanna think about it…”   
I had traveled with one of my younger sisters when everything had started.   
She had been visiting me for the weekend when the news first started reporting about Walkers.   
We had tried to contact our family, but had managed to talk to them exactly once before the phones went dead. My mother, father and youngest sister had planned to stay in the house I had grown up in and remain there as long as possible. All things considered, that had seemed a pretty solid way to deal with things.   
I had grown up in a farmhouse a little way out of town. The cellar was always stocked with more than enough food, canned and fresh and the house had its own well for water. A few years earlier, my parents even had and a couple of solar panels installed.   
By the time my sister and I had managed to make it home, weeks later, the house had been deserted. There had been no blood or any sign of struggle, but our family was gone without a trace.  
We had stayed at the house for a few weeks to figure out what to do and then a group of travelers had found us and taken us with them.   
And a month later, everyone but me had been dead. Shot by strangers, eaten by wild animals and in the case of my sister… bitten and infected by a Walker.   
The look on her face when she had showed me the Walker bite and begged me to kill her still haunted me some days.  
I shook my head to clear the image.   
Daryl didn’t seem to have noticed my silence.

We made it to the office building mostly dry. The walk had taken us longer than I’d had anticipated and the first fat raindrops had started to fall when we finally reached the parking lot. I ran the last few steps to the glass doors. The last few feet were littered with glass shards from the broken projecting roof.   
One of the doors was broken as well, the other one intact.   
I quickly pushed the empty doorframe open and lead Poppyseed inside after me, wary of the glass shards under our feet and the raindrops from above.   
We took a moment to listen for the telltale groaning of Walkers but except for the rain outside, everything was quiet.  
There was a barrier that reached my hip and a turnstile through which the worker bees used to enter. It took a bit of pushing, but then the gate opened and I could lead Poppy through it. Daryl pushed the gate closed again and took a length of rope from his pack which he used to wrap the gate closed. Walkers could probably stumble over the gate, but I appreciated the effort. I freed Poppyseed of her burden before I started looking around. She had stopped to graze a few times outside, so she was good, food wise.   
The snack machine in the lobby was broken and had been emptied. Good thing we weren’t here for the snacks.   
The plush seats to our right looked inviting, but I wanted to make sure there was no one else inside, before I allowed myself to relax.  
The building was 12 stories high if I hadn’t miscounted the rows of windows, and I was willing to bet most of what I owned that no one had bothered yet to check the very topmost floors yet.   
Daryl went to check the ground floor for any unwelcome visitors while I found the staircase.   
“I’ll go upstairs.” I called. I didn’t see him, but he could look after himself.

The elevator was out of commission, of course and looking at the tiny chamber now, I wondered how I had been able to use one of those before all this. It looked like a deathtrap.   
The stairs wound around the elevator shaft and I jogged up as far as I could before I had to slow down to catch my breath. 3rd floor; I didn’t want to start looking before the 6th.  
Everything was dusty and the air smelled faintly of rot. The smell got stronger the farther up I went. I inwardly braced myself. There was probably a disgusting surprise waiting for me somewhere.   
The glass door that separated the staircase from the offices on the 6th floor was broken as well. Hesitating only for a moment to listen for the sound of anyone inside the offices, I continued to the 7th floor and pushed against the still intact door. It was locked. Most office buildings had electric locks. Once power went out, they simply remained locked from the outside. There was no picking them. This one didn’t even have a lock to pick. But since the door was still intact, I was probably the first one to get in there. Nice!  
Grabbing my hatchet, positioned myself with my face turned away from the glass and used the back end to smash the glass. It took me a few tries, but finally I made a hole that was big enough to stretch my arm through and open the door from the inside.   
“Are you okay?” I heard Daryl shout from downstairs.   
“Yea, all good! I’m on the 7th floor!” I answered, pulling my arm back out once the lock snapped open.   
The smell of rot was definitely not coming from here. The air was fresh and smelled of rain. Odd, considering no one had been in here for years. I had expected stale and dust, but wouldn’t complain.  
A row of open window on the west side of the spacious room explained things. The cheap carpeted floor had rotted away in close vicinity around the windows, but the few standard office plants were thriving. I took a moment and smiled at the jungle before my eyes. The golden pathos was growing over toppled over chairs and desks and dividers so dense, it looked like a green carpet had been thrown over it all. A few palm plants had grown into outright palm trees and almost touched the ceiling. Philodendron and ficus plants were towering over the rest. I grinned when I realized there was even a bird singing somewhere. This was nature at its best. Not giving a shit about humans, just thriving wherever the possibility arose.   
I walked through the big room, carpet silencing my steps and let my fingers glide over the dusty leaves as I passed them.   
Systematically I checked the desks for anything that had been left behind. As was to be expected, there was a lot of stationary, but also a few opened boxes of tampons, tiny bottles of vodka and whiskey, cigarettes, three ounce bags of weed, a nice, dark brown shawl that I immediately wrapped around my neck and two pairs of glasses.  
I put on the first pair of glasses, sat down on a swiveling chair and slowly turned myself in circles, squinting at the rows of faded motivational poster on the walls. Okay, these were definitely not the right strength. I took the other pair and focused on the poster with a cat on it that said “hang in there” when Daryl entered.   
“What are you doing?” he asked.   
Quickly I took off the glasses. “Umm… nothing?”   
He raised an eyebrow at me, disbelieve clearly showing on his face. “Something wrong with your eyes?”   
“Only the fact that I lost my glasses a while ago and haven’t been able to replace them yet.”   
“How can you shoot?” he asked.  
“Part luck, part skill, I’d say” I shrugged, “I was wondering the same about you though. How do you aim with your hair all over your face? I could give you a haircut if you want.” grinning, I grabbed a pair of scissors from the desk closest to me and snipped them in the air a few times.  
Ignoring my offer Daryl walked past me to inspect what I had found.   
I had put everything worthwhile in a backpack I had brought for solely that reason. “What are you going to do with all this crap?” he asked, gingerly grabbing the box of tampons.   
“Umm… you know, just because there’s death and desperation outside, doesn’t mean I don’t get my period anymore.” I snatched the box from his fingers. “Those are for me. I’ll sell the rest. That’s how I make a living. I would be willing to share this with you though… if you’re into it.” I wriggled a small baggie of weed in front of him invitingly.   
“Nah… I’ll just take one of those if they’re on offer. What do you want for it?“ he grabbed a pack of cigarettes and leaned against the desk next to me.   
“For you…. they’re free.” I grinned. “Because I like you.”   
He snorted and pulled one of the cigarettes out of the pack. “Thanks.” he said, lighting it.

We spent the rest of the day searching the building up to the top floor. We found a group of dead bodies in one of the conference rooms, all sprawled in their chairs, facing the huge makeshift cross on the wall that someone had made by screwing off a few table legs and sticking them together in cross shape with duct tape. I pulled the shawl half over my face against the stink and searched for the duct tape for a while, but didn’t find it. Instead I found an empty box of rat poison; which explained why none of the worshippers had left. What a way to die…   
I moved out of the room and closed the door behind me. One more disturbing image that’d keep me up at night.

The topmost floor was obviously the executive floor. After the crammed open plan offices downstairs, this level didn’t seem like it belonged to the same building. Everything was huge and open and classy… and smelled of mold. There was a skylight in the ceiling and the rain was pattering on it. Water was dropping in from one corner onto the sitting area right underneath, collecting on the black leather cushions and lazily sinking into the upholstery.  
To the right and left of me, four doors led to the executive offices if the nametags next to the doors were to be trusted. By sunlight, this must be beautiful. Now, with the rain and rapidly approaching night, it seemed kind of sad.   
Ignoring the smell of rot that was lingering here too, even though it wasn’t half as bad as it was two floors down in the conference room of mass suicide, I determinedly made it to the first office on my right and opened the door.   
Eww. A dead body sat in the fancy swiveling chair, brains splattered all over the wall to the right. I quickly walked out backwards and closed the door. Reminder to myself: Don’t go in there again.  
Daryl had tried the office next to mine in the meantime. “Locked.” he announced when he saw me emerge. My look of disgust must have shown on my face. “That bad?” he asked.   
I nodded but didn’t care to elaborate.   
The doors to the other offices were locked as well. They were wood with old fashioned locks. No glass to smash to get into.   
Daryl was silently walking through the spacious room, inspecting the cabinets along the walls while I went to the secretary’s desk. The keys were probably hidden somewhere in there.   
“You find anything?” I called to Daryl while rummaging through the drawers.   
“Just books…” he said courtly.   
I snorted. Just books, he said… pff. “Novels? Put them in my backpack, I can sell those. Not useless stuff though… about making money and stuff.”  
While Daryl packed the books into my backpack, I focused on the drawers in front of me again. It didn’t take me long to find the keys. They were carelessly thrown into the bottom drawer on the right of the desk. So much for security. Smash a few glass doors, walk up twelve floors of stairs, smash some more glass and there you go, straight into… I walked to the closest door and found the right key… a completely empty office. Well, not empty, there was furniture, but there was nothing on the desk except for a screen, keyboard and mouse. The shelves were empty too, the dust in the air made me sneeze.   
I closed the door and walked back out again. Alright, third time’s the charm. Finding the right key for the first office on the left, I unlocked it.   
“Finally!” I exclaimed. There was a tray with bottles of liquor on it straight behind the desk, perfectly placed within reach of the former owner.   
Only when I came closer did I realize they were actually those fancy glass decanters that rendered the bottles mostly useless for me. I couldn’t take those with me safely. Damn. “Why do rich people do stuff like that?” I groaned angrily giving the tray a shove.   
“Do what?” Daryl said, appearing in the open door. He had another cigarette in the corner of his mouth. Good thing we had found a couple more packets.   
“Fill good liquor into those useless bottles.” I groaned, sitting down in the expensive leather chair. Damn, that was comfy. “I’ll spill everything if I try taking them with me.” I leaned back in the chair and gave myself a spin, stopping when I faced the tray and liberally filling two glasses with what smelled like Scotch. Since we wouldn’t be able to take it with us, we might as well enjoy it while we were here. The building seemed save enough to get a bit sloppy. Glasses in hand, I used my legs to spin me back to face Daryl. “What about those reports, I asked you for,… “ I said with a fake frown and a deep, fake-angry voice. “What’s your last name by the way?” I asked in my normal voice, placing the glasses on the table and pushing one towards him.  
Daryl snorted. “You sure you didn’t smoke any of that weed you found?”   
“Yeah, smoking alone is boring.” I laughed. “You were supposed to bring this quarter’s numbers to me by last week.” I continued in my fake boss-voice, taking a deep swig from my glass. It burned down to my stomach, warming me up.  
Daryl stepped closer and eyed the second glass suspiciously before he took a swallow as well. I absently opened and closed the desk drawers, but found mostly papers and more staples. The last one down was a win though. “Score!” I exclaimed. There was a small silver tray with a glass straw on it. Alright, the cocaine couldn’t be far then. I carefully took out the tray and looked through the drawer more thoroughly. I didn’t know how people could do hard drugs in this day and age, but some did. And they paid me royally whenever I brought them some.  
Daryl had come closer and was watching me feel up the desk for a hidden compartment. I let myself glide from the chair and checked the underside of the tabletop until I found a tiny hidden lever. Pulling on it, I heard a little snap from a hidden compartment popping open. “Ha!” I said more to myself than to anyone else.   
Daryl seeming impressed. “Not bad.”  
“Don’t look so surprised!” I said, crawling out from under the table. “I’m good at what I do.”

I found some white powder that I identified as cocaine and something brownish that was probably heroin in the hidden compartment.   
My backpack was filled to the brim and I struggled to put it back on my back. Daryl offered to help me, but I waved him off. “I got it…” I huffed, straining under the added weight on our way back downstairs. I had honestly not expected the haul to be this successful.   
We had found more of the tiny liquor bottles and weed on the upper floors. Working here must have been awful, judging by the amount of drugs people had in their desks. We also had some clothes, among them a very nice turquoise poncho, a box of condoms, packets of nuts and chocolate long expired, but probably still good and even a few boxes of various painkillers; also, microwave meals, a few cans of tortellini and thawed, rotten pizzas in the freezer in one of the break rooms.   
The Microwave Dinners would be even more awful when not warmed up properly, so I’d take them to the Saviors. They had electricity and microwaves and bad taste. The pizza, sadly, was beyond saving, but the tortellini would do just fine for our dinner.   
I had held on to the bottle from the executive office and was carrying it downstairs to the jungle office where we’d decided to stay the night. Leaving my stuff there, I went downstairs all the way to check on Poppyseed. She seemed a bit lost inside the building, but I couldn’t take her upstairs with me.   
“I’ll be back in the morning. You’ll be dry and save here. Don’t worry.” I hugged her and gave her a pat on the back before I went back upstairs again. 

“It’s Dixon, by the way.” Daryl said when I found him again. He had made a fire in one of the dust bins and was warming up the cans on top of the flames.  
“Huh?”  
“You asked for my last name earlier.”   
“Ah! Nice to meet you, Daryl Dixon.” I offered my hand. “I’m Maren Holm, but if you ever tell anyone my name, I’ll have to kill you.” He took my hand and I gripped his fingers tightly, staring into his eyes to show him I was serious.  
He gave me a little smile before he went back to stirring.  
While he prepared dinner, I refilled our glasses and had some more liquor, despite already feeling a bit tipsy. 

“Damn, I miss good food.” I murmured ten minutes later, halfheartedly forking up a tortellini and putting it into my mouth. “With the proper tools, I could make these taste like 10 times better… I miss having a working kitchen…” I sighed. “And oh god, I miss music! I never realized what a luxury it was, to just plug in some earphones and push a button and be able to listen to whatever my heart desired! Some good old classic rock… I’d give a limb for that, honestly!” Alcohol always loosened my tongue.   
Daryl kept on chewing, but nodded along to my words. His glass stood next to him, barely touched, while mine was almost empty.  
“What kind of music did you listen to? Judging by the looks of you, I’d guess country or something.” I laughed.   
Daryl choked on his food. “Don’t get cheeky with me, Maren.” he said, stressing my name.   
“I knew telling you was a mistake.” I chuckled.  
I kept on talking and talking until Daryl had downed his glass, same as me. When we got tired, we rolled up on the floor, between the rows of desks. I felt pretty buzzed, in a good way. It was nice not worrying about stuff for once. Having company who occasionally even answered back was even nicer. I honestly started liking Daryl.  
He lay on his back, head resting on his arms, listening to my telling him about whatever came to my mind until I got tired. I usually didn’t mind sleeping on the ground, but tonight getting comfortable seemed impossible. I tossed and turned until Daryl gave an angry snort. “Sleep!” he ordered. 

#”I can’t.” I rolled over and faced him.  
“Why not?” his annoyance clearly showed in his voice.   
“Everything is spinning… I need something to hold on to…”   
He sighed but I felt his arm slide towards me. “Hold on then.” he grumbled.   
I took hold of his arm and practically wrapped myself around it, holding on to it with both hands. Putting my head on his bicep, the office finally slowed down its spinning a little and I could close my eyes without feeling like I’d roll off the edge of the world at any second.  
I had almost dozed off, when I felt him stir under me. His free hand found mine and slowly pulled it over onto his chest, where he stopped and remained still. I didn’t dare move, for fear of startling him away. His hand remained atop mine and slowly heaved and sunk with his breath. My fingers felt oddly warm, caught against his body and I snuggled closer, so my knees touched his leg just the tiniest bit.   
Another minute passed, both of us probably very aware of the other one being awake and waiting for the other to pull away, but neither of us did. I was almost sure he had fallen asleep when I felt his thumb move on top of my hand, lazily tracing circles onto my skin.  
The rain was still falling outside, but not as strong anymore. The rush of the drops, and probably the alcohol in my brain, finally lulled me to sleep.   
Neither of us was plagued by nightmares for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #“Sorry.” I murmured and turned to face away from him. I froze, when I heard him come closer and felt his body against mine, wrapping his arm around my waist and snaking the other one under my neck, effectively spooning me. Wow, that was unexpected. But it was nice. And I had a proper spot to rest my head… and I was warm and save and snug. I relaxed and closed my eyes.   
> The sound of the rain outside lulled me to sleep quickly. And for once, neither of us woke up with nightmares.
> 
> #“I can’t…” I rolled over and faced him.   
> “Why not?” annoyance clearly showed in his voice.   
> “My pack is downstairs… I need somewhere to put my head.”  
> Annoyed, I put the shawl I had found earlier under my head. It was okay, but not nice and still sleep wouldn’t come.   
> I turned back to face him and my hand landed on his arm. Without thinking, I wrapped both my arms around his and put my head on his biceps. He probably wouldn’t mind.   
> Finally able to settle down, I relaxed and sleep slowly pulled me under. Just when I as about gone, I felt him pull my top arm towards him, so it came to rest on his chest. He put his hand on top of mine and gently caressed the back of my hand with his thumbs.


	6. On the Road again...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on the Road, Ren and Daryl meet Negan.  
> Negan isn't amused to see the other two together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a scene in it that isn't exactly rape, but it also isn't entirely consensual. Those who are easily triggered, consider yourself warned.

The feeling of something moving next to me woke me up early next morning. No, not something. Someone. It took me a moment to figure out where I was and who I was with. Slowly I opened my eyes and quickly closed them again. It was much too bright and the spot behind my eyes pounded in tune with my heartbeat. Oww.   
“Sorry…” Daryl murmured from close behind me, “didn’t want to wake you up…”  
Lifting my head a bit, I realized I lay right next to him, touching from neck to groin, my head on his bicep and he had been struggling to free himself.   
I didn’t feel up to forming coherent sentences yet, so I just groaned.   
Freed from his burden, me, Daryl rolled away and sat up. He rubbed his head and eyes for a moment before getting up.   
I turned around and tried to get comfortable again but now that I was awake, there was no going back to sleep anymore.   
“Where are you going?” I mumbled. He had lit a cigarette and was slowly walking towards the door.   
“To take a walk.” he answered, his voice even raspier than usual from having just woken up.   
I sat up slowly and stared after him. Damn, my head hurt. On all fours I crawled to where my backpack lay and searched it for the painkillers we had found last night. Might as well use them as long as I had them.   
They were probably expired and unfit to use but even if they had gone bad, being killed by expired meds couldn’t be much worse than this brain splitting headache.   
I popped one of the pills into my mouth and swallowed it dry. 

Two hours later, we were back on the road. I wanted to head to a small settlement of about 40 people who I traded with before. They were friendly and paid well and they had asked me for clothes a while ago.   
Poppy’s back was packed with our findings, so we were walking again.  
Before us lay a seemingly endless stretch of car-littered road, the business park and the town it belonged to were long behind us. My head was pounding and I longed for a pair of sunglasses. The painkillers had done nothing to make me feel any better.   
Daryl had barely said a word to me since we had woken up. I vaguely remembered falling asleep on his arm, but about the “why” to it, my mind drew a blank.  
“I… I just wanted to say, I’m sorry.” I murmured, looking at him between the back of Poppy’s head and our baggage.   
“About what?” he asked, looking at me for only a second, before focusing on the road before us again.  
“I don’t exactly remember what I did last night, but judging by how you’re acting, it was probably something bad…” I murmured, placing my hand on to Poppy’s shoulder for reassurance.  
Daryl snorted in amusement.  
“What?” I looked at him again.  
“Nothing… just… you shouldn’t get that drunk. It’s dangerous.” he said.   
“So you’re mad at me for being reckless?” I squinted.  
“Nah… I ain’t mad. Stop worrying.” he waved me off.   
“You should know I only drink when I feel save, so this is kind of a compliment…” 

We were getting closer to the highway and there were more and more abandoned cars littering the road. Abandoned cars were almost always bad. They offered perfect hiding spots for whatever roamed the night… or day in our case.  
“Quiet now.” Daryl hushed. He had sped up a bit and was checking the cars to our left and right, dagger in hand, ready to strike at any moment.   
I tightened my hold on Poppyseed’s reins and lead her through the columns of cars on what seemed the easiest path for her, paying close attention to our surroundings all the while. Poppy picked up on my change in mood and held her head higher to look out for enemies as well.   
Daryl had vanished out of sight for the moment. I heard him give a huff, then the squashing sound of a Walker being stabbed and then it was silent again.   
“All good?” I shouted.   
“Yea…” Daryl said, reappearing from behind the car and looking first at, then behind me. “Someone’s coming.”  
I turned around as well. There was a group of riders on the road, about 250 yards behind us. Two of them were a bit closer. They had already spotted me and sped up to catch up.  
“They probably haven’t seen you yet… go, hide!” I hissed towards Daryl before turning back towards the group. 

I stopped walking and lifted my hands up to shoulder height. I couldn’t escape them through the cars, but I could buy Daryl some time.  
“Don’t shoot!” I said as soon as they were within hearing distance.   
Both of them had their guns trained on me as they came ever closer. I remained still.  
“My, my, my, who do we have here?” the guy to the left said.  
“We got her.” the one to the right shouted towards the rapidly approaching rest of the group. He was younger than the first and built like a weight lifter. I pitied his horse when he jumped down from its back. He looked immense. No way could it be comfortable to carry that dude around all day long.   
The bodybuilder grabbed me by the arm and held on to me so I wouldn’t suddenly decide to dash off, after I had waited for them to catch me. I inwardly rolled my eyes.   
My view of the approaching riders was mostly blocked by the guy’s enormous shoulders, but I didn’t need to see Negan to recognize him. The way his men reacted as he approached was one of a kind. They feared him and wanted to be him at the same time. And it clearly showed on their faces.   
Mr. Bodybuilder turned and whether I wanted to or not, I turned with him.  
“What a sight for sore eyes, doll.” Negan chuckled. “I didn’t expect to see you again so damn soon! Did you fucking miss me already?” He dismounted his horse and stalked towards me.   
I shot him a fake smile.   
“Well, can’t blame you, doll…”   
“There were two of them, boss.” the rider who had first approached me interrupted.   
“What are you waiting for then? Fucking find her friend, asshole.” Negan barked, not bothering to hide his annoyance at being interrupted in what would probably have become one of his speeches.  
His men ran and rode off through the cars.  
“Don’t do this. I have nothing for you yet. He doesn’t either. Just leave us alone and I’ll be back at the Compound in a month.” I said, trying to get out of the situation diplomatically.  
Negan stared at me. “So you found yourself another guy?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows in mock surprise. “I simply HAVE to meet that fucker now.” He put his arm around my shoulders and stared after his men.  
“He’s not another guy… he’s just A guy.” I tried squirming away from him, but he held on to me with an iron grip. “We aren’t together or anything.”   
“Well neither are we, doll.” Negan chuckled.   
With so many people looking for Daryl, it would only be minutes until they found him. Something told me it wouldn’t be healthy for him if they did.  
Negan, obviously more interested in me than in the search, quickly got bored watching his men. Lifting his arm from around my shoulders, he turned so he faced me and slowly pushed me backwards with his hands on my hips.   
“Why don’t you tell me about him, doll.” he said, when my back was pressed against the side of a car. He crowding me against it with his body. His hands slowly wandered upwards from my hips on top of my shirt. “Is he a better fuck than I am?” he asked, his mouth close to my ear, his lips teasing the tiny hairs on my skin. His hands had stopped just under my boobs.   
“Are…. are you actually jealous?” I asked and felt a small smirk appear on my face. That made things much easier. I knew how I’d deal with this.   
Instead of an answer, he stepped his feet to either side of mine, confining me against the car, pushing his groin against mine. It was impossible not to notice his half hard dick. He grinned down at me, eagerly licking his lips..  
“How about you forget about him and I take care of that instead?” I looked down at his groin and back up at his face again. If it would help keep Daryl save, I’d fuck Negan here and now, I didn’t even have to think for a second.  
“You’d fucking like that, huh?” Negan smirked.  
“Sure…” I put my hands on his chest and moved them under his leather jacket. Slowly I came closer and was about to kiss his neck, when he stopped me.   
“I can’t look at you with your face like that though.” Shaking his head, he motioned to the bruise on my face.   
“Yea well, not like I enjoy having to have it….” I shot back.  
It obviously didn’t matter what I said though. Not bothering with a reply, he grabbed both my shoulders and moved me sideways, towards the hood of the car. Brusquely, he turned me around and pushed me over it, holding me down with his hand on the back of my neck. My face was pressed against the hood and I was forced to stare at the bloodstained, broken windshield. I felt him fumble at the front of my jeans and then his with his free hand, with the other one he kept his grip on my neck.   
“Call off your men.” I demanded as I felt him pull down my pants to my knees.   
“Shut up and spread your legs for me, doll.” He pushed against my naked ass from behind, demanding entrance.   
“Call off your fucking men!” I said again, louder this time.  
He grabbed my hair and his voice was close to my ear when he spoke again. “Spread your fucking legs or I’ll have Lucille fucking do it for you.”  
I swallowed. Slowly I moved my legs apart as far as my pants allowed it. I felt his fingers test me and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him clean them with his mouth.   
“So fucking ready for me already, doll. I’m flattered.”   
I remained silent, squeezing my lips shut.  
He entered me in one rough motion, forcing my soft flesh to yield against his hard piece. His hand was still tangled in my hair. I gritted my teeth, but couldn’t help moaning with his thrusts. The car rocked under me and the metal of the hood dented under my hands. The metal bit of his belt slapped against my ass with each movement, the edges of his zipper scratched against my skin.  
His free hand came forward and fumbled my clit.  
I whimpered through closed lips.  
“You like that, huh? Naughty girl…” Negan chuckled. He found his rhythm again and kept thrusting into me. 

“Let her go you son of a whore!” Daryl suddenly shouted from our right.   
I couldn’t see him with my head turned towards the windshield, but I felt the impact as he tackled Negan. Oh shit.   
Negan was knocked to the side and I quickly stood up and turned around.  
The two men were on the ground, Daryl on top for the moment, but only because Negan was struggling with his pants. And once his men came back from their search it would only be a minute before we were both dead. Fucking shit!  
I ran towards the fighters and tried pulling Daryl off. Maybe Negan would spare us, if I got Daryl to stop now… yeah, or maybe hell would freeze over.   
“Stop it!” I grabbed Daryl’s arm. “Let him fucking go!”   
I startled Daryl long enough for Negan to gain the upper hand, but couldn’t pull the two of them apart. Fucking hell!  
Negan’s men, attracted by the noise came back in sight one after another. They ran towards us and body builder guy grabbed my wrists from behind.  
I could do nothing to stop Negan. He landed one punch after another on Daryl’s face, while all Daryl could do, was to shield his head and try to kick Negan off somehow.   
I struggled against my guard, but his grip was unyielding. “Stop it! Please!” Tears were streaming down my face.   
Negan’s men cheered at their leader, glad for the entertainment, and it felt like hours until he finally let go of Daryl. His fists were a bloody mess, as was Daryl’s face.   
“Why did you have to do this?” I shouted, struggling against my guard again.   
“Because… “ Negan grabbed my chin with a strong hand. He was trembling just the slightest bit. “This fucker and his fucking friends have complicated my life long enough. You should be more careful who you fraternize with, doll.” His face was twisted with rage. He bled from a cut on his lip and his right eye was starting to swell shut, but that was about the whole of the damage he seemed to have taken. “I expect your next delivery in three weeks. Don’t think you can simply not show up. I will fucking find you and I will fucking show you what happens to people who think they can double-fucking-cross me!” he screamed directly in my face. I felt droplets of spittle and blood land on my skin. “Understood?” His fingers dug into my cheeks painfully.   
I blinked away the tears and nodded.   
“Good.” he let go of me and walked back towards his horse, spitting a mouthful of blood on the ground. “Show’s over! Let’s fucking leave.”  
One by one his men got on their horses and left us alone.

I stumbled towards Daryl’s motionless form on the ground. “Daryl?” I whispered, falling down on my knees next to him.  
He groaned. His nose was bleeding and his lips were bloody.   
“Daryl! I’m so sorry!” I bent over him. “I didn’t want to pull you into this.”   
He groaned again and slowly opened his one eye. The other was swollen shut.   
“Are you alright?” he asked, voice raspy.   
“I… yea, why wouldn’t I be?” I was confused.   
“He… he raped you.” he weakly squeezed my hand.   
“He… I… “ I didn’t know what to say. “I… He said he’d leave you alone if I’d… If I let him fuck me.”   
He stared at me, speechless.   
“I’m so sorry.”   
Daryl slowly sat up, holding his head with one hand. He must have one hell of a headache.  
“Don’t move.” I said, “I got a first aid pack.”   
I looked around for Poppyseed and found her slowly trotting towards us from the direction the Saviors had left in. Fuck, this was such a mess! “Come here, girl!” I shouted, barely managing to make my voice carry. Tears were blurring my vision.  
With shaking hands, I dug through the bags, finding a bottle of disinfectant and a pack of gauze that I hoped was mostly sterile.  
My whole body shaking, I kneeled down next to Daryl again and mechanically went through the motions of cleaning his wounds. His nose was obviously broken as well. Fuck.   
Fixing it would be painful, but was inevitable. “Hold still.” I said, taking hold of his nose with both my hands. “I’m sorry.” I whispered at the same time as I bent his nose back to its original position.   
He moaned but said nothing.   
I sat back on my heels and stared at him. He was still bleeding from multiple gashes on his face and hands, but besides the nose, he didn’t seem to have any major injuries.   
“Please say something.” I whispered.  
“You’re his mistress.” It was more of a statement than a question. Of course he had figured it out. Between me showing up with his bolts which had been taken by Negan and having a bag full of food and cookies seemingly out of nowhere… Of course.  
I nodding slowly.  
He shook his head, disappointment evident despite his swollen face, and got up carefully. He limped towards Poppy and took his pack off of her back. “Don’t follow me.” he said as he walked off. He never looked back.


	7. living with the maniac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren falls on hard times in life.  
> Winter is coming and prey isn't.  
> Hungry, frozen through and dirty, she seeks shelter with the Saviors.  
> Bad idea... very bad!

The next three weeks were hard.  
The day after Daryl had wandered off, the weather had taken a turn for the worse.  
Summer was officially over and fall brought icy winds and wet nights.  
On top of that, I felt terribly lonely. I did my rounds but I wasn't into it. I found a warm place at a small village where I slept for a few nights, but most of the time I had to make do with abandoned houses or cars or sleep outside, huddled against Poppy for warmth.  
More than once we were woken by Walkers stumbling towards us and had to fight for our lives.

I barely found anything worthwhile to make up for my work, I couldn't even make Negan's order. One measly half bottle of Scotch and the few smaller bottles from the office building was all I had for him when I came back.  
I felt like shit. I couldn't remember the last time I had been warm and a terrible headache had been plaguing me for days.  
All I wanted was to crawl into a cave somewhere and roll up and die. Still, here I was again on the familiar road to the Saviors Compound.  
For a while I had considered going into hiding, but decided against it, after contemplating for a few days. Negan would be mad if he saw my meager haul, but he'd be furious if I didn't show up at all.

The bodybuilder guy from our last encounter was on guard duty today.  
I stopped and waited for him to say something, but he just looked at me and waved me through. I probably didn't look like enough of a threat for him to bother with me.  
I hadn't had a proper meal in days. Prey was eluding me somehow and I had long since eaten up my supplies.  
A fine drizzle of rain had started an hour ago and I was cold to the bones. My hair was matted to my head in a dirty, disgusting mass, my scalp itching underneath it.  
My tummy was rumbling almost continually by the time the ugly grey factory building finally appeared behind the trees.  
Poppy sped up her trot. She knew there was food and shelter waiting for her. I felt awful for not taking proper care of her.  
No one was waiting outside today, even the guards on duty remained huddled in their guard boxes.  
I rode past the Walker enclosure. It looked even more depressing than usual.

A young boy came running towards me eagerly when I got close to the stables. He took hold of Poppy's reins as I dismounted.  
"Take good care of her, yes?" I asked as I took my bags from her back. I wanted to give him a trinket for his work, but I didn’t have anything.

I took the stairs on the outside of the building and knocked on the big metal door with my fist.  
My heart fell when Tony opened the door.  
"Take the entrance downstairs, you dirty…" he looked down at me and recognition lit up his face. "Damn you look like shit. You can’t come in like that."  
He was about to close the door in my face, but I stopped him with my foot.  
"Tony, come on. I'm cold and wet and hungry... please let me in... Show some decency." I pleaded.  
Tony looked me up and down once more, disgust filling his face. "You'll stink up the whole place. Did you roll in Walker entrails?" He waved his hand in front of his face.  
"I'll try to tone my stinking down... " I rolled my eyes. "Let me have a shower then, come on! Please!"  
He stretched his head outside and looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were hanging low and promised more rain to come.  
"Alright, come in then..." he huffed as if my being here was a personal affront to him.  
"Thank you!" I said, quickly passing him by, before he had a chance to change his mind.  
"You can wash up downstairs." He seemed to consider grabbing my arm to lead me through the building but obviously thought better of it. I couldn't blame him. My nose had desensitized to my stink by now, but if I smelled half as disgusting as I felt, it was bad.  
Tony took my weapons and locked them up before he led me to the communal showers downstairs.  
I hated the place. Three walls were taken up by stalls, one next to the other. A few stalls had curtains, most didn’t. The greyish tiles on the walls and floor looked grimy and there was hair sticking everywhere. The drain in the middle of the floor was clogged up with hair and other, unidentifiable stuff. The smell of soap almost but not quite managed to cover up the stink of mold.  
A few other women were showering and steam filled the air. All the stalls that still had curtains were occupied. Great, just fucking great.  
Tony stopped just inside the door and leaned against the wall, watching me as I peeled off my dirty clothes.  
“Can’t you at least pretend to give me some privacy?” I asked, annoyed by his leering.  
“You’re a stranger here. You can’t be left alone with these poor, defenseless women.” Tony grinned. He enjoyed this way more than he had any right to.  
I rolled my eyes but met his gaze as I stripped down and tossed my clothes on his feet, one piece after another.  
He pulled his feet out from under the heap and stepped on top of my stuff, wiping his boots on it. Classy.  
Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the closest shower stall. The sooner I got this over with, the sooner I was rid of him.  
I waited and waited for the water to heat up, but it wouldn't. It was trickling down, lukewarm at best.

"Hurry up! I haven't got all day!" Tony shouted. He was still leaning against the wall and obviously enjoyed being there. His gaze went over each of the women in the room. The women in turn, looked daggers at me because I was obviously the reason he was there.  
With a sigh, I stepped under the lukewarm water. It took three handfuls of soap until my hair didn’t feel greasy anymore.  
Other women came and went and no one looked at me in a friendly way. They seemed annoyed by Tony’s being there, but judging by their reactions, a man standing guard in the women’s bathroom was a much too common occurrence.  
A grey-ish towel that had probably been white at one point hung on a hook just outside my stall. It was damp from whoever had used it before me, but I tried not to think about that as I dried myself off.

I was given a pair of washed out sweatpants and a t-shirt with a faded print of some boyband on it.  
Tony led me to a tiny, windowless cell. There was just enough space for a bed and a chair. "Wait here." he ordered shoving me into the cell ungently.  
He was about to leave but I stopped him. “Can I have some food? Please?" As if on cue, my tummy rumbled loudly.  
Tony rolled his eyes, stepped out the door and turned the key. "Get that bitch some food." I heard him order.

The food was... edible. That was about the only thing I was reasonably sure of.  
It was a greyish pulp that tasted vaguely of... something. I thought there were potatoes in it, but it was so over boiled, there was no way to tell for sure. It didn’t taste too fresh either.  
This “food” was nothing like what I usually got when I dined with Negan, but I was hungry enough to wolf it all down without tasting anything. Once I was done eating I placed the bowl on the floor right next to the door.  
I had no way to tell time or to entertain myself and I was warm and dry for the first time in what felt like a decade and had food in my belly, so I marked the day as a success. I crawled into bed, pulled the scratchy blanket over my head and quickly fell asleep.

The sound of the door being unlocked roused me an indeterminable amount of time later. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I stayed motionless, facing the wall.  
Someone entered the room and sat down on the bed next to me.  
"Wake up, wake up, the big bad Boss is here." Negan chuckled. I felt his hand on my hip, gliding towards my ass.  
"Please don't." I whispered, half turning around.  
He dropped his hand and looked at me, the grin slowly dying on his face. "Damn! You look like shit!" he said.  
"You’re the second guy to tell me that today…" I rolled over and sat up. Shivering, I pulled the blanket up around my shoulders.  
"What the shit happened to you, doll?" He reached out to touch my face but hesitated. "Are you alright?"  
"Yea... I just... please don't touch me..." I looked at his still outstretched hand and couldn't help but notice the fresh pink skin on his knuckles. It served as a painful reminder of a day weeks ago… Daryl’s beaten up face showed up in my mind… and then his back as he’d walked away.  
Negan let his arm sink and looked at me. For once he seemed worried. The usual smugness was gone.  
"I'm okay." I reassured him. "Life just hasn’t been very good lately…” I sighed and let my shoulders fall forward.  
Wordlessly he got up and locked the door from the inside before sitting down on the chair next to my bed, elbows on his knees, bent towards me.  
"Tell me what’s bothering you." he said, his tough façade vanished for once. The pure, real Negan was sitting before me, showing me a glimpse of the man he used to be before all this.  
I slowly shook my head. If I told him I was feeling down because I missed Daryl, he'd probably lose his shit.  
"This is a once in a lifetime chance, Ren. Don't waste it." he said, leaning back in the chair with widely spread legs. That was the first time he'd ever used my name.  
"I... I didn't manage to make your order..." I slowly said.  
"That's not the reason why you're feeling down."  
I shook my head.  
"Did anyone hurt you?" his voice had never sounded so real before, so raw.  
"Besides you?"  
He sat up straighter. "I'd never hurt you, doll... not unless you asked for it..." a bit of his usual smugness came back and a small grin appeared on his face.  
Okay, his soft moment was obviously over. I shook my head and laboriously got up from the bed.  
Walking towards my bags, I bent over to get his liquor.  
"You lost weight." he stated.  
"Did I?" I looked down on myself.  
He got up and stepped close to me, carefully, gently touching my waist. “Yea… here.” He let his hands glide down over my ass. “And here.” he moved back upwards and caressed the underside of my breasts with his thumbs. “And here…”  
I took his hands away from my body. “Please don’t. Not today.” I turned back towards my backpack and blinked back tears. Daryl would never act like that when I felt down. He’d respect my boundaries.  
"That's all I found." I said, turning around when I trusted my face again. I handed him the half empty bottle of scotch.  
He took it and eyed it only mildly interested before placing it on the floor for lack of any other surface.  
"I know it’s not enough. If you want me to leave, just say so. I'll come back when I find more." I looked at the ground between the two of us.  
He reached out for me and made me look up at him with his fingers under my chin. He spoke very slow and clear when he talked next, like he was talking to a small child. "You will stay here for the night. You will eat and you will sleep and you will have a good think about staying here for the winter. Not as my wife, just as a worker. And in the morning, we will talk."  
"Why... why do you do that?" I asked. I had expected many things of him. Anger, threats, but not this; definitely not this.  
"Because, doll, you're no use to me if you're dead." he said and his customary grin reappeared on his face.  
He picked up the bottle from the floor and left. He didn't lock the door behind him.

To say I was flabberghasted would be an understatement.  
I slowly walked towards the bed and sat down.  
I startled when someone knocked at the door a few minutes later.  
"Negan ordered this to be brought to you." a terrified looking young woman said. She handed me a plate with a thick slice of pie on it. "He said to tell you to eat up."  
Before I could thank her, she had vanished again.  
I sat down on the bed and forked up a piece of pie. It was still warm.  
I didn't want to stay, but I also didn't want to go back out and face the cold. No one was waiting for me there. No one would give a shit.  
I knew I couldn't keep living in the wild, not for Poppy’s or my sake. But did I really want to stay here? Be one of the workerbees?  
I slowly finished the pie, trying to sort through my thoughts, weighing all the pros and cons. The thought of spending another night outside made me shiver. 

+++

"Alright... So... I'll stay here..." I rose my finger to stop Negan from interrupting me. "… for now! Under the condition that I can leave without having to give you an explanation if I feel the need to."  
We were sitting in Negan's office, having breakfast.  
"I think you got this wrong, doll." he smirked. Today, he was back to his old, smug self. "You staying here was a generous offer on my account. You don't get to make any demands." he forked up a mouthful of scrambled eggs.  
"Well, then I'll go. Today. I won’t be confined here. Doesn’t work for me." I said, picking up a piece of bacon from my plate. This breakfast was ridiculously over the top, considering I had had to resort to eating bugs and worms just yesterday.  
He snorted. "So that's your conditions?"  
I nodded. "I will do whatever job you ask me to, I'll work alongside the others in exchange for a warm bed and food for Poppy and I and I won’t complain, but I have to have the option to leave."  
He contemplated, taking his time, absentmindedly scratching his beard.  
Finally, he nodded. “Alright.” he said. “But I reserve the right to ask you into my quarters whenever I feel the need to.”  
“To do what?” I looked at him suspiciously.  
“Performance…. reviews.” He licked his lips.  
I rolled my eyes. Yea, I had kinda expected that. “So… do you have a job in mind already?”  
He nodded slowly and took a sip of black coffee before he continued talking. “I want you to be my secretary, my right hand if you will.”  
“But… isn’t Simon kinda your right hand? He’ll be mad.”  
Negan chuckled. “Simon isn’t my right hand. He’s my clubfoot at best.”  
I laughed. “Alright then… boss.”  
Someone knocked at the door and entered without waiting for an answer. It was Simon.  
I had to turn away so I wouldn’t start laughing.  
Negan smirked at me before addressing Simon.  
They talked about some random outpost they wanted to visit later. I should probably have paid attention, but didn’t.  
Only when Negan told Simon to get my weapons, did I look up.  
Simon seemed as surprised as I was.  
“Ren will stay with us for the winter, she’ll be one of us and I expect you to fucking treat her that way, understood?” he said.  
Simon shot me a dirty glance, which I answered with a cheeky grin, but nodded reluctantly and left us alone again. 

Alright, maybe my staying here wouldn’t be as bad as I’d thought. The prospect of regular meals and warmth had improved my mood greatly… now if only it weren’t about still the nagging feeling of missing some strong, silent guy in the back of my head. 

Things were better than expected for the first few days. Life was good… and then it was okay, and then it was shit.  
I made it entire two weeks, before I couldn’t take it anymore. Negan in small doses was good. Like chili sauce. A small dash of it was nice. Take a big one though and it blows you away at first and then all you want is to make it stop.  
The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was how he decided to punish one of his men that had dared to fuck one of his wives. There was a history behind this, but I hadn’t been able to catch up on all the personal stuff going on around between everyone at the Compound. 

I found Negan on the way to the mess hall, furious. Screaming and shouting at everyone who looked at him the wrong way. His head had turned an unhealthy shade of red as he stormed through the corridors.  
“Bring me the fucking asshole!” He shouted at no one in particular.  
“What’s happened?” I asked Simon who was running along with him, doing his best to look as mad as Negan did.  
“Mark slept with one of his wives.” Simon hushed.  
“Amber?”  
He startled and almost stumbled over his own feet as he realized I had known.  
I shrugged. “I overheard it happen, I think…”  
Negan had given me an apartment on the same floor as his harem and the walls were ridiculously thin.  
We reached the Double doors to the mess hall and Negan stormed through, pushing them open angrily without slowing down. He stopped at the small balcony that overlooked the hall. “Where the fuck is Mark?” he screamed.  
Everyone downstairs froze. People were sitting around tables, eating, some had been reading, but now everyone looked up at their leader.  
“Go and fucking get him to me!” he shouted and people were getting up to look for the offender. I stood half behind Negan. Simon had run off to join in the search for Mark as well.  
“What are you gonna do to him?” I asked, carefully touching Negan’s shoulder.  
“I’m gonna kill the fucking asshole!” he snapped, not bothering to turn around.  
“Are you serious?” I asked, “I mean… he seems like an okay guy.”  
This time he did turn around. “Don’t you dare doubt my decisions.” He slowly lifted his bat and put it on top of his shoulder. Not exactly a threat, but the message was clear enough.  
Carefully I retreated a few steps, lifting my arms in a small defensive gesture. “Sorry, I’ll shut up!” 

It took his people a few minutes to come back with the offender.  
Negan passed the time by looming over the room and filling the air with his anger. The faces of the people downstairs were frozen with fear. It would only take one wrong move to make him explode and everyone knew. 

Angry shouts were preceding the small group that brought Mark a minute later. Two burly guys half pulled, half carried him in. A couple more people were following them.  
Negan slowly descended the stairs, the metal grating clanging with his steps. Everyone had gotten up from their benches to see what would come next, or to run out of the room. No one except Mark dared to make a sound. He struggled to get away from his captors. His face and hands were bloody and his eyes had a confused and slightly desperate look to them.  
The two guards seemed unfazed by his struggles. They held on to his arms and pushed him to his knees. The right one hit him in the back of the head with the grip of his gun for good measure.  
Negan built himself up in front of Mark and pointed Lucille at him.  
“Do you have anything to say to defend yourself?” he asked. One could hear a needle drop in the silence that followed.  
I had followed Negan and was standing on the last step half curious, half scared of what he would do next.  
Mark, realizing his struggles were futile, had stopped moving. He hung between his captors limply, staring up at Negan. He sadly shook his head and spit a mouthful of blood on the ground.  
“Bring me the iron!” Negan shouted. One man broke away from the crowd of onlookers and ran off and away. He came back a moment later with an old fashioned flatiron attached to one end of a wooden handle. There was a furnace burning in the corner, to keep the room from freezing up and the guy was headed straight for it. He was joined by an eager woman who opened the furnace-door for him.  
I did not like where this was going.  
“I feel like all of you need a little reminder of who is the big, bad Boss in this fucking community!” Negan said, slowly walking up and down in front of his gathered followers, Lucille resting on his shoulder.  
“Because this little fucker seems to have forgotten,” he said, pointing Lucille at the offender. “He seems to think he is above the laws we set up, above the rules we all agreed on.” he paused, theatrically shaking his head, looking at the rest of his followers. “Pay close attention, all of you fucking assholes. I want you to memorize what’s going to happen here in a minute for those moments when you find yourself thinking you’re above. the fucking. law.” he pointed his bat at the crowd in a wide arch.  
“I want you to think long and hard of this exact, fucking moment when you think of disobeying me or questioning me or my judgement in any way.” he turned and stared directly at me. My heart stopped. Had I done anything wrong? I hadn’t disobeyed him, had I? My mind started racing through the last few weeks. What had I done wrong?  
“Relive this moment, the sight, the sound, the… smell of it.” he walked towards the furnace slowly, almost in a relaxed way, and took the execution tool from the hand of the eager man that was heating it up in the fire. “And then make up your mind and fall back in fucking line.”  
The iron was hot enough to glow in the dusky light as he pulled it out and walked back to his imaginary stage. Mark struggled against his captors but they held him down on his knees by his shoulders.  
“You’ll love this.” Simon whisper from behind me made me startle. I hadn’t heard him approach.  
Negan moved towards his victim, holding the glowing iron in front of him, making sure everyone could see it. The grin on his face turned my blood to ice. There was no sanity in his eyes. This was the look of a fucking psycho. How had I missed that until this moment?  
I wanted to turn around and leave, but Simon grabbed my shoulder. “Stay.” he grinned at me and not in a friendly way.  
The scream when the glowing Iron first touched Mark’s face pierced marrow and bone. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to see, but I couldn’t help hearing the sizzle of Mark’s flesh being melted by the glowing Iron.  
The smell of burning flesh and hair made me nauseous and I had to fight not to gag.  
Simon’s hand remained on my arm, holding me where I was. Alright. Message received. I’d be gone by the morning. I couldn’t stay with these maniacs for one more day. 

When Negan finally let the Iron sink down after what seemed like hours, he turned to look at me. Mark, passed out from the pain, was carried out by his captors and the other people were slowly scattering. The show was over.  
“Did you enjoy it?” he smirked. “Best damn entertainment I had all fucking week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I saw the episode with the Iron, I hope I did it justice somehow...


	8. a new home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Ren witnesses Negan's show, she decides she can't stay.   
> She is out on the road again, but stumbles over a friendly face.   
> some awkward fluff ensues...

I waited until after dark. People had settled down for the night and it was getting quiet. Everyone but the few guards on duty was asleep.   
I sneaked out through a side door in the kitchen. It was closest to the stables and I wouldn’t leave without Poppyseed.   
The sky was clear and the moon shone bright. I was wearing my jacket and had wrapped the blanket from my room around my back as a poncho, still, the icy wind bit into my skin like knifes. Doubt about my decision rose the second I set foot outside, but I knew I couldn’t turn back now. Not after what had happened this afternoon.   
My teeth were chattering by the time I reached the stable building. The inside was warm and only one woman was standing watch over the horses… well, not standing exactly. She was sitting on a bale of hay, a storm lamp next to her, a book in her lap and a blanket around her shoulders, asleep.  
Poppy neighed when she saw me enter.   
“Hey girl!” I whispered. “Don’t celebrate just yet. You’re gonna hate me in a minute.”  
Careful, so as not to wake the sleeping woman, I opened the door to Poppy’s bay and led her out. She had gained back some of her weight during our short stay and I was glad for that. She’d need it.   
It took me a few minutes to locate her saddle and get everything settled on her back, but I managed to get her out of the stables without waking the caretaker.

The guards at the gate were wide awake and pointed their guns at me when I approached. I knew them by sight but not by name.   
“I’m running an errand for Negan, let me pass.” I said, hoping my voice didn’t sound as shaky as I felt.   
The two of them had seen me with Negan over the past weeks. Everyone had. They reluctantly stepped aside and didn’t ask any questions. Thank god for small victories.

Once past the gates, I walked along the road until I was sure I was out of their sight. The Saviors Compound was nothing more than a black, looming shade in the darkness. I gave it the finger and led Poppy off the road.   
Negan had promised I’d be allowed to leave if I wanted to, but that didn’t mean he’d like my decision.   
The farther away I was by morning, the safer I was.   
Poppy, thankfully, didn’t mind our nocturnal excursion. She followed me faithfully and when I mounted her back and spurred her on, she willingly trotted off. 

We rode through the night and well into the morning.   
Poppy was slowly clopping over the roads, seemingly tireless.  
I knew we couldn’t go on like this forever. We’d have to stop sooner or later.  
I had no idea if Negan was pursuing us or not, but I knew I didn’t want to stay to find out.

We rested for a few hours around midday the next day. I had found a sunny spot on the forest ground. To say I was warm would be an exaggeration, but at least I wasn’t too cold.   
I pulled the poncho-blanket over Poppy and myself and leaned against her belly.  
“We’ll make it, girl.” I said, not sure who I was trying to reassure.   
I managed to catch a few hours of restless sleep, but that had to suffice for now. I wanted to go on for at least a day before I allowed us some real rest. I had no idea where exactly we were. The road seemed vaguely familiar, but then every road would seem familiar if you’re only looking at the small space in front of your feet.  
It was slowly starting to get dark again and both Poppyseed and I were dead tired. Her head hung as low as mine as she followed me along the road.

The sound of a gun being cocked before me made me stop and raise my hands slowly.   
“What are you doing here?” a grey haired woman said. She looked frail but the way she held herself emanated power. I was pretty sure she was all muscle under those wide clothes of hers.   
“We’re just walking. I’m not looking for trouble.” I said defensively.  
The woman looked first at me, then at Poppyseed. She seemed willing to believe my story.   
“Are you running from someone? It’s almost nightfall. Being out on your own isn’t save.” Was that concern in her voice?  
“I really don’t have much of a choice.” I shrugged, slowly letting my arms sink.   
A man showed up behind her, slowly walking to join us.   
My eyes went wide. “Daryl?”  
He looked at me and stopped.   
My heart raced. In my mind I saw him grab his crossbow and chase me off.   
He didn’t get his bow, but started walking again. Towards me. Becoming faster the closer he got. I cowered before him, not sure what he’d do. 

When he wordlessly wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight, it took me a moment to realize what was happening. He was hugging me. Why was he hugging me? Shouldn’t he be angry?  
“I’m sorry.” he whispered, his voice raspy.  
I couldn’t say anything. This was too unexpected. There were too many feelings wreaking havoc inside my head just now. Joy, fear, relief, hope all at once. Combined with a lack of sleep and hours spent looking over my shoulders this was too much. I couldn’t contain it all. Tears started rolling down my cheeks without any chance to stop them.   
I weaseled my arms free and weakly wrapped them around his waist.  
Loosening his grip a bit, he looked at my face. He wiped the tear tracks away with his thumb. “Don’t cry.”   
“Sorry.” I sniffled. “I’m just so… so fucking relieved…”   
“So… this is her?” the woman suddenly said from our right. I had forgotten she was there.   
Daryl shot her a glance.  
“Sorry. Just talking to myself.” the woman said and walked away a few steps to give us some privacy.   
I smiled weakly. He had told his friends about me. The realization almost brought a new batch of tears to my eyes.   
“Come on, let’s get you inside.” Daryl said, finally letting go of me.  
“Inside?” I looked around me but saw only road and trees.   
“We’re on our evening patrol. Alexandria is ten minutes in this direction.” The woman said. “I’m Carol by the way.” she stepped closer and took my hand. Her grip was firm but not overpowering.   
I hadn’t realized I’d gotten that far. Alexandria was quite a way from the Saviors Compound. Negan wouldn’t be able to find me here, or would he?  
“Come on, give me your pack.” Daryl said, his words bringing me back to the real world. He stepped around me and helped me shrug out of the shoulder straps.  
For once, I let him carry my stuff. Poppy had refused to let me put it on her back and it took all the strength I had to just set one foot in front of the other.   
Daryl was right next to me. His presence alone was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. Or maybe that was because a literal weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Didn’t matter. I had missed him and I was beyond happy he didn’t hate me.   
Despite staring on the ground and concentrating on walking straight I couldn’t help but notice him glance at me once or twice. We were walking close enough so our arms were brushing against each other every now and then. 

It didn’t take us long to reach the walls of Alexandria. High, grey and sturdy looking was all I could make out by the low light of the evening.   
A gate as high as the wall itself was opened when we approached and closed after we’d passed through.   
“Who’s the newcomer?” someone shouted.   
Carol stopped and waved us off. “Go home, catch up.” she said, a genuine smile on her face. “I’ll keep them at bay.”   
Daryl wordlessly led me through the small town, stealing a glance at me every now and then as if he couldn’t quite believe I was really here.   
The houses around us looked posh and well kept. There were raised beds everywhere, empty now, but come spring I bet they’d be overflowing with plants.   
The road under my feet was clean and in much better shape than outside. We passed a few people on our trek. They seemed happy and at peace with themselves and the world in general. Odd, after seeing only scared people who’d had lost the spark in their eyes a while ago with the Saviors.   
He led me to the left and suddenly we were on a gravel driveway in front of a much smaller house. It was almost completely dark by now and I couldn’t make out much by the pale moonlight other than that the house looked a little older and a lot less posh than the rest. Daryl took Poppy’s reins from my hand and bound them to the banister. “I’ll take her to the stables later.” he said.   
Poppy didn’t seem to mind. There was grass under her feet and she did what she liked doing best. Graze.  
Daryl led me up the stairs to the porch.   
“So this is where you live when you’re not out in the woods?” I asked.  
He shrugged. “It’s where I sleep.”   
It wasn’t much warmer inside than it was outside.   
If I had to imagine Daryl living in a house, this was exactly how I’d picture it.   
It was small and cozy. A long row of low windows ran along the whole room from the front to the very back and stopped at a back door right next to the kitchen.  
Daryl lit a fire in the fireplace that was the center of the whole living room/kitchen combination. The fire illuminated the room enough so I could make out the basics. A tiny kitchen with a wood burning stove to the right of the back door, an oblong dining table with two chairs close to the fireplace to the left of the door, an old, worn out couch and a bookshelf directly next to the entry door, a small bathroom and a bedroom with a simple double bed. Everything a bachelor needed.   
A fat, red cat jumping down from one of the chairs startled me. It lazily stretched and walked towards me, tail held high.  
“You have a cat?” I hadn’t expected that.  
“They were here before me…”   
“What are their names?” I bent down to scratch the cat’s chin.  
“That’s Boy.” Daryl said, only half turning around. “The other one’s Girl. ’s probably hiding in the bedroom.”   
I chuckled. That was so not what I had expected.   
Once there was a fire going, Daryl stood up and slowly walked towards Boy and me.   
I had sat down cross legged on the wooden floor and the cat had crawled onto my lap, purring and cuddling me.  
Daryl stopped next to us, his arms crossed in front of his chest.   
“So… What happened?” he asked, not one for long umm-ing and err-ing.   
I sighed. Yea, I knew he’d be asking. I had only hoped he wouldn’t ask quite so soon.   
“Can we do this tomorrow? I’m too tired...” I said, focusing on the cat in my lap, scratching him behind the ears.   
“That bad?” Daryl asked, voice low.  
“I mean… you can probably imagine parts of it already…” I murmured, still not looking at him.   
He harrumphed and turned away.   
“Do you want to stay?” he asked, stoking the fire.  
“Umm… would you mind?” I finally looked in his direction.  
“How long?”  
“I don’t know.”   
“Alright.”   
I hesitated. “Really?”   
He shrugged. “Yea. You can have the bedroom.”   
“Where will you sleep?”   
“Out here, on the floor. I don’t mind.”  
“Yea, I know.”   
I got up from the ground, carefully putting the cat aside.   
He was still crouching before the fire, and I crouched down next to him, staring into the flames with him.   
“Thank you, Daryl.” I said. Bending over, I carefully kissed him on the cheek.  
He looked confused for a second before he recovered.   
“I’ll take your horse to the stables.” he said, quickly getting up and hurrying off towards the door. Looking after him, I saw him rub his cheek where I had kissed him.

I sat down in front of the fireplace, unable to believe my luck just yet. I hadn’t only found shelter, but safety too. It didn’t take long for the cat to climb back on my lap again.   
My gaze fixed on the fire, my hands buried in the cat’s soft fur, I dozed off, sitting on the ground. 

Daryl’s hand on my back woke me up again.  
“Bedroom’s over there.” he murmured.   
I sighed and leaned against his leg. “It’s too far… I’ll stay here… where it’s warm and purry…” Closing my eyes, I was about to doze off again when he stepped away and removed my support. I let myself glide onto my side, probably not very elegantly, and pulled up my feet, rolling up in front of the fireplace.   
I felt him lay down behind me and drape a blanket over the two of us before I was gone again.

It was broad daylight when I woke up the next time. The fire was still going strong and I was warm and cozy. A white cat was walking around on my tummy, carefully sniffing me.   
Daryl was gone, of course. He was a notorious early riser. I slowly sat up, startling the cat. She jumped down and ran off into the bedroom.   
I stretched and got to my feet. The sun was shining in through the row of windows and I smelled cigarette smoke somewhere.   
Wrapping the blanket around myself, I opened the back door and found Daryl sitting on a porch swing, smoking.   
The air outside was cold, but he didn’t seem to mind. He wore his usual jeans and leather jacket and squinted at me against the sunlight. “Morning.” he said. I liked his morning voice. It was kinda sexy.   
“Morning.” I repeated and joined him on the swing.   
“Rick wants to see you later.”   
“Rick?” I leaned my head on his shoulder sleepily.  
“He’s our leader… wants to meet every newcomer…”   
“Okay.” I murmured, closing my eyes again. I smiled when he put his head on top of mine. 

Two hours later, I sat at kitchen table in Rick’s house.   
The table was round, so there weren’t really sides to take. Somehow it still felt like Daryl and I were sitting opposite the others.   
There was Carol, the older woman from the forest, Rick, a bearded guy about Daryl’s age and Michonne, a dark skinned woman with dreadlocks and a kind of no-bullshit attitude. She seemed the youngest of the trio.   
Daryl sat to my right, leaning back in his chair, a cup of coffee in front of him. There was breakfast on the table, bread, jam, butter, eggs even. I had no idea how they’d gotten all that, but I greedily dug in.  
“How many Walkers have you killed?” Rick asked out of the blue, casually almost.   
“Umm… a lot… “ I stopped spreading butter on the slice of bread on my plate and looked at him.  
“How many people have you killed?” he continued.   
“Four.” I answered truthfully, putting the butter knife aside and sitting up straighter in my chair. The interview had begun, obviously.  
“Why?”  
“Because it was either them or me.”  
“Tell us what happened since you and Daryl split up.” Carol said, taking over for Rick. She was holding a cup of tea in her hands and occasionally took a sip.   
“How much do you know? I mean… what did Daryl tell you?” I had dreaded that exact question, but tried to remain calm.  
“Enough to know you’re a bit more friendly with Negan than we generally like people to be.” Rick said. His voice had a snide tone to it.  
I took a deep breath. Setting Rick up against me didn’t seem like a good idea. “I might have been on friendly terms with Negan for a while, but I’m pretty sure those times are over.” I didn’t want to think about what he’d do if he found me. “When Daryl left, I was on the road for a while longer, trying to go on as before, scavenging, selling the stuff I found… Negan is… was one of my customers. I… couldn’t remain on the road any longer with the weather getting ever colder, so I asked him to take me in.”  
Daryl shifted next to me, crossing his arms in front of his chest, sitting up straighter. He was obviously curious as well.   
“Why didn’t you stay?” Carol asked.   
“Because I realized what a lunatic that guy is… the things I saw him do… “ I trailed off.  
Carol sounded unsure about the next question. “What… did he do?”   
“He… he burned some guy’s face off with an Iron.” I hugged myself. “I’ve seen a lot of shit… but that was…“ I shook my head, unable to continue.  
Everyone in the room was quiet for a moment, but my interview wasn’t over yet, it seemed.   
“What did you do when you were with them?” Carol continued.  
“I was Negan’s right hand. Dealed with the stuff he didn’t feel like dealing with.”   
“Did you enjoy doing it?”  
“I enjoyed the benefits it offered. I was treated well. There was always enough food, always a warm bed. Life on the road is hard. It was nice having some comfort for a change…” I paused. “I’m not proud of some of the things I did, but I did them to survive. You can’t afford pride when the only other option is death. You’ll understand that, I’m sure.”   
“We all did things we aren’t proud of, we get it.” Michonne said.   
“Alright. You can stay… for now.” Rick said after a short pause. He got up from his chair. “But you’ll be under close supervision. One wrong step and you’re out.” He walked towards me and offered his hand.   
I stood up as well and shook it.  
“Welcome to Alexandria.” he said, then left the room. A small child had started screaming somewhere upstairs and obviously needed tending to.  
Looking at the others, I sat down again.   
Daryl was sipping his coffee again, the women were back to eating.   
“So, how will you be able to help us? What are your skills?” Carol asked.   
I finished buttering my bread. “I’m a pretty decent hunter…“  
“We can’t have you running around with weapons before we’re sure we can trust you.” Carol said.  
“I can take her hunting with me.” Daryl said. “I trust her.”  
I looked at him shyly. “Thank you.” I really was thankful for his vote of confidence, but to be perfectly honest, I’d rather stay behind the save walls of the village for now. I didn’t know if Negan was looking for me or not, but if he was, I’d rather not run into him.  
“I used to be a pretty decent cook before all this… I mean, I haven’t touched a stove in a year or two, but I’m sure I could still whip up a thing or two.”   
Carol seemed pleased.   
“I can help with the animals too. Horses, cows, sheep, you name it. I don’t care. I grew up on a farm, so I know my way around a stable.”   
“Can you draw?” Michonne asked   
I frowned. “Draw?”   
“Can you draw us a map of the Saviors Compound?” she specified.   
“Umm… I guess so, yea.”   
“How about we start with that and see where we go from there?” Michonne said, getting up and getting pen and paper for me.   
The women started cleaning off the kitchen table. Daryl finished his coffee and got up as well. I looked at him, feeling a bit lost.   
“Guard duty.” he said. “I’ll be on the tower, if you need me.”   
I slowly nodded. Was it okay to hug him? “Have… have a good day, I guess.” I slowly said.  
“You too.” he awkwardly put his hand on my shoulder and left.

I drew the map as well as I could, taking a new piece of paper for every floor and doing my best to be thorough, yet when I was done, there were a few white spots that I honestly couldn’t account for.   
Carol was baking in the kitchen while I was drawing, probably mostly to have an eye on me and I helped her once I was done with my map.  
After that I helped out at the stables for an hour and a half, making sure Poppy was all settled.   
The work was alright, but the people working there were quite a nosy bunch and the forced social interaction was draining to the max. 

Exhausted, I leaned against the door for a moment and took in the blessed silence once I got back to the house. Boy came running towards me, meowing to be picked up.   
I took him and he started purring immediately. He didn’t ask any questions. Why couldn’t people be as easy?   
Cat on my arm, I went through the house, taking the chance to see everything by daylight.   
It seemed Daryl really used the house mostly for sleeping and not much else. The kitchen was perfectly clean, except for the dust and cat hair everywhere. The drawers were filled with all kinds of utensils but it didn’t seem to see much use.   
The bookshelf was filled with crafting books. Embroidery, Origami, Knitting, important life skills. Using my awesome detective skills, I deduced they were probably not Daryl’s either.  
The bedroom was dusty and seemed to be the cat’s sole terrain. There was no indication of Daryl, or any human for that matter, having been in here in ages. Opening the cabinet, I expected to find clothes, but was assaulted by balls and balls of yarn instead.   
In a small hamper I found knitting needles and a half finished sock, all neatly put away. My grandma had always wanted me to learn to knit, but I hadn’t really gotten into it as a child.   
I took the basket to the living room and sat down on the sofa. 

I looked up when the door opened and Daryl came inside.  
“Hey!” I said.   
“What are you doing?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.   
The cats were sleeping to my left and right and a knitting book was on my lap. “Knitting,” proudly I held up the half-finished sock. I had managed to knit about an inch and it was clearly visible what had been done by me and what had been there before, but I felt I was slowly getting the hang of it.   
He sat down next to me, disturbing Girl and making her run off, and took the knitting from my hands. “You’re not very good at it.” he judged.   
“Hey, I’m trying, okay?” laughing I snatched my project back from him and continued making one laborious stitch after another.   
He leaned back on the sofa, putting his arms on the backrest and his feet on the table and watched me.   
I scooted towards him a bit so my knee touched his and felt his arm touch my shoulder in reply. Perfectly accidental of course. We didn’t need words, thankfully. I was all out of words for the moment.

When it became too dark for me to see the stitches, I put the sock aside. Somehow we had gotten even closer and our thighs were touching full length.  
“People at the stables said to thank you for your help today.” Daryl said.  
I grunted.  
“They say they’re understaffed.”   
“They’re not understaffed. They just like to chat a lot.” I murmured my disapproval. “Honestly! How can anyone be so nosy? They wanted to know everything about me, including my shoesize.” I ranted.   
Daryl chuckled.   
I leaned against him and felt him stiffen under me.   
“Is… is this okay?” I asked, moving away far enough so I could look at his face.   
He cleared his throat nervously, but nodded and pulled me close with his free arm again.   
“You smell like animals.” he murmured, taking a deep sniff from my hair.   
“I couldn’t get the shower to work.” I apologized.   
“You need to start the generator first… I’ll show you later.”   
“Why are you sniffing me anyways?” I chuckled.  
“I… “ he seemed embarrassed.  
“It’s okay. You can smell me all you like. I don’t mind.” I snuggled closer against him and put my legs on top of his.   
He held me close and I let my hand glide over to rest on his chest. This was so nice.   
Slowly, carefully I let my hand glide upwards and kissed his neck.   
He froze.  
I pulled back. “Sorry I…”  
He freed himself from me and got up as if stung by a bee.   
“I’m sorry!” I repeated. “I misread the signs.”  
“No you didn’t… it… “ he walked up and down the room, obviously looking for words. “It’s just been a while…”   
“I’m sorry! I didn’t realize… It’s okay Daryl!” I got up and stepped in his path so he’d have to look at me. “It’s okay! We can take things as slow as you want. Or we don’t have to do anything at all, if you don’t want. It’s okay!”   
He stopped his pacing and looked down at me. Without a word he turned around and fled outside.  
Wow. Great. I had scared him off. Nice. Real fucking nice. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.


	9. found again (by the same old bully)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren is slowly getting used to living in Alexandria, unaware that Negan and his men show up there once a week to collect their offering. This changes when they show up early... and the townsfolk can't make their offering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some rape/non con elements again. Consider yourself warned!   
> Sorry, I wanted to lighten things up a bit, but the characters didn't seem to want to. The next chapter will be somewhat fluffier though...

The next morning, I was woken by someone talking outside the bedroom door. I had left it slightly ajar so the cats could come and go during the night.   
“…Negan’s right hand and now she’s here? Be careful around her. I don’t trust her.” Rick hushed.   
“I do!” Daryl said.   
“At least take away her weapons.” Rick demanded..  
Daryl grunted. “She won’t harm anyone. I trust her.”   
“I just hope you’re right.”  
A snort from Daryl and the sound of the front door being shut ended the conversation.   
I very much wanted to remain where I was, unheard, unseen but nature called. I slowly made my way out of bed and padded into the main room.  
Daryl was on his way towards the back door but stopped when he saw me.   
“Morning.” he said.  
“Thank you for defending me.  
“You heard us.”  
I nodded. “Yea… sorry, I didn’t want to eavesdrop.”   
“’s alright…”  
An awkward silence threatened to engulf us. Damn, that was all my fault.  
Tiredly I rubbed the back of my head, forgetting I was only wearing a men’s dress shirt that was pulled up by my movement.   
Daryl averted his gaze.   
“Oh shit… Sorry!” blushing, I hurried into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I cursed myself. Had that really been necessary? Couldn’t I get the poor man a break?   
“Don’t apologize.” Daryl’s voice was muffled by the door between us. “It’s… nice. Your legs are nice, I mean…”   
Had he really just said that?  
“Umm… thank you?” I said, shooting myself a pained glance in the mirror. What was the correct answer to that? Was there even a correct answer?   
What was I supposed to do? 

By the time I left the bathroom, Daryl, Master of escaping awkward situations, was gone of course.   
I got dressed and went to the stables to see if they needed help. They did, of course; help and something to gossip about.

Since I was working now, I was entitled to get my own food from the pantry. By early afternoon I went there on my way home and was given some vegetables and a fabric bag of homemade noodles.   
Daryl was on the back porch when I arrived at the house, cleaning a deer he’d shot. I thought of helping him but decided against it and went straight into the kitchen instead. It was cold outside, my breath condensed in the cold air before my mouth and a fine drizzle was drenching everything since morning.  
I wanted something hot in my belly to warm up. It’d been a while since I’d cooked, so I’d decided to just start simple and make a pot of vegetable stew. 

Daryl didn’t seem to have noticed me coming home and startled when he came inside a while later. His arms were bloody to the elbows.   
He didn’t say anything. I didn’t either. Nothing but sheer willpower stopped myself from slapping me for letting things get so awkward.   
He went into the bathroom and I heard the shower start.   
I remained in the kitchen, cutting vegetables, roasting and stirring. 

When Daryl reemerged, he wore only a towel around his waist. I did a double take. I’d never seen him without at least three layers of clothing. He crouched over his backpack where he kept his clothes and I licked my lips absentmindedly, watching him.  
There was a tattoo on his chest and more scars than anyone should have to suffer. Those weren’t fresh scars, they were old and faded, but still clearly visible in the broad daylight.  
He seemed unaware of my gaze, thankfully, but when the pot behind me boiled over, making the hot stove hiss, he looked up.   
A small frown appeared on his face when he realized I’d been staring at him.   
“You okay?” he asked, seeming somewhat embarrassed.  
“Yea…” I hastily turned around and stirred the stew. What was happening? I wasn’t usually that easily fazed.   
I heard him move and probably get dressed, but didn’t dare turn around again.   
“What are you making?” He suddenly asked from close behind me.   
“Stew.” I courtly said, moving aside so he could look into the pot. He stepped to the stove, which brought him awfully close to me and tasted a spoonful. “Needs more salt.”  
I stared at him for a moment. He had put on a pair of almost clean jeans and his blue button up shirt. The two topmost buttons were unbuttoned still and I turned towards him and did him up, grinning, forcing myself to be cheerful. “Yes, dear. I’ll be done when you’re back from the office.” I thought of giving him a peck on the cheek, but stopped myself. After what had happened last night, I’d have to hold back a bit.   
He absentmindedly touched the two buttons I’d closed and a small smile played around his mouth.  
I sighed. “I’ll be done in like 10 minutes. Go, set the table.” I pointed towards the dining table with my cooking spoon.   
He found two bowls and two spoons and laid them out before sitting down and getting a battered paperback from somewhere.   
The fire from the stove was enough to make the room bearably warm. The afternoon sun filtered through the windows and bathed everything in a warm, comfortable light. This was nice. I could almost imagine the two of us in 20 years, making a living… I shook my head. I couldn’t allow myself to think thoughts like that. We’d both probably be dead in 20 years. I didn’t have time to think of the future. 

After eating, I decided to visit Poppy once more. With so many new faces every day, I needed her comfort and familiarity.   
Thankfully, I was alone in the stable for once. I brushed Poppy’s mane and talked to her in soft words, when I heard a commotion outside. I put the brush aside and Poppy neighed. Walking towards the stable door I stuck my head out to see what was going on.   
And then I looked again, sure I must have seen wrong. Simon was walking towards me. What the actual fuck?   
A grin appeared on his moustached face. He had seen and recognized me and sped up his steps. The other guy with him hurried to keep up.   
Shit, this couldn’t be good.   
“The boss is gonna fucking love this.” Simon chuckled once they were close enough.   
“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” I asked, remaining frozen where I was, holding on to the stable wall for support.  
“Pure coincidence… but honestly, this is gonna be so fucking good! Come along.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me after him.  
I was too confused to protest and followed him. 

A group of cars was parked in the town square. That was odd. With gasoline getting ever rarer, barely anyone drove anymore. Negan of course was the exception to that rule.   
He was standing with his back towards me, but the figure of his body, the way he held himself, he was unmistakable.  
Rick was standing opposite him, seeming somewhat scared, but defiant nonetheless.   
“You’re early! We aren’t ready yet.” Rick said.   
“I must have missed the part where you were the one making the fucking rules!” Negan said. “Now load the fucking car. Everything you’re short we’ll just fucking go find ourselves.”   
Rick seemed to want to say something but froze when he saw Simon and me arrive. Other men were coming back with more townsfolk in the same manner as us. Seemed like Negan wanted everyone gathered. The reason for that couldn’t be good.   
Negan, noticing Rick’s stare turned around.   
Genuine surprise appeared on his face when he saw me. It was only a second until he composed himself and his usual smug grin appeared on his face, but enough for me to notice.   
“What a pleasant fucking surprise.” he said and took a step towards us. “Seems like you’re dumber than I thought you were, Doll.”   
For a moment Simon’s hand on my arm was the only thing that kept me upright. My knees went weak with fear.  
“No smartass reply?” Negan seemed disappointed.   
“Sorry, I just…. honestly didn’t expect to see you again, ever.”   
“So you really wanted to fucking run away from me, Doll? For good? I’m hurt.”   
His attention momentarily focused on me, forgetting about Rick, he closed the distance between us. “Honestly, Doll. I would fucking love to wrap my hands around that pretty little neck of yours and squeeze until the light in your eyes goes out. But! Since there’s children present, I will not fucking do that! I’m not a fucking asshole!” he turned around to our audience. About 20 people were gathered now, Daryl among them. I swallowed nervously.   
“How much are they short?” Negan asked one of the guys who’d been loading the trucks.   
“About half.” The guy answered.   
“Half…“ Negan put thumb and forefinger against the corners of his mouth and pulled his fingers downwards. “Half…” He slowly walked back towards Rick, leaving me alone for now.   
“So, Rick you fucking little prick. How did you expect to scratch together enough to make your offering tomorrow?”   
“I… we… “ Rick stuttered.  
Negan chuckled. “Well, since I’m a fucking nice guy, I’ll give you another chance. Are you aware who the newest damn addition to your fucking little community is?”  
Rick nodded.   
“Good!” Negan said. “Then you probably also know that I fucking like the bitch.”   
I did not like where this was going.   
Rick nodded again.   
Negan slowly walked back towards me, his body language broadcasting confidence.  
“So… since all you fuckers are too fucking slow-witted and probably lazy to get my fucking offering, she… will pay for all of you. I expect you’ll thank her once we’re gone.”   
He grabbed my arm and pulled me against his body. His gaze travelled over me hungrily, his tongue flicking over his lips.   
“Leave her alone!” Daryl shouted, making his way forward from the back of the crowd.   
Negan chuckled. “Your little boyfriend is here as well.” he looked down at me and back at Daryl. “This just got so fucking much better.”   
Grabbing me by the arm, he pulled me towards the closest house. “Bring the redneck too.” he shouted to his men.  
“Negan, don’t.” I whispered, struggling against him.   
He stopped and looked down at me.   
“Please don’t.”  
“Oh I won’t fucking hurt anyone if you’re a good little girl. You’ll fucking love this, Doll!” He shoved me through the door into Rick’s kitchen where we’d had breakfast only yesterday. My struggles and pleas were fruitless.   
Daryl was pulled into the house as well. He struggled against his captors, but they held tight.   
“How does that nose of yours feel? Looks a bit crooked.” Negan said, stepping close to Daryl, looking down into the shorter man’s face.  
Daryl stopped struggling. His eyes turned to slits and he spit right in Negan’s face, anger twisting his features.   
Negan took a second to compose himself, slowly moving away from Daryl. “This was a fucking dumb mistake.” Negan said, wiping the spit off his cheek. “Your bitch will have to pay for that!” Turning to his men he ordered them to get Daryl on the ground. Daryl was manhandled to the floor and one of the guys put his foot between his shoulders.  
“Now watch and fucking learn, asshole!” Negan said, stepping on Daryl’s fingers casually as he walked towards me. “I’ll show you what she likes so you can fucking get her off!”   
I stared at Negan openmouthed, unable to comprehend what was happening.   
He crowded me backwards against the kitchen counter. “Unbuckle your pants for me, will you, Doll?”   
I stared at him for a moment to long and he grabbed me by the throat.   
“Do as I fucking tell you or do you want me to put a bullet between your little redneck boyfriend’s eyes?” Somewhere in the room a gun was being cocked.   
With shaking hands, I unbuttoned my pants.  
“Now that’s a good girl.” Negan said, roughly patting my cheek.  
“Negan please, you don’t have to do this. We know who’s the boss.” I whispered.  
“I know I don’t have to do this, Doll. I just enjoy doing it so fucking much.” he grinned. His hands glided over my body, painfully squeezing my breasts once before descending downwards.   
“You know how this goes, doll. Spread your legs for me.”   
“I….m on my period.” I whispered.   
“What was that? Speak up, Doll.”  
“I’m on my period.” I choked out.   
“And what a nice fucking coincidence that would be, wouldn’t it?” I gasped, as he roughly shoved his fingers into my pants.  
“And she’s fucking telling the truth!” he said, fumbling around with the string of my tampon.  
“Please… stop.” I whispered, a single teardrop rolling down my cheek.   
“Now now, Doll. Don’t you cry.” He wiped away the tear with his thumb. “We’ll have to improvise a bit, but you can still save everyone’s ass. Don’t you fucking worry.” His voice had a mock pitying tone to it that made me want to punch him in the face. His men and the gun being held to the back of Daryl’s head were the only thing that stopped me.   
“Get down on your knees.” he ordered.   
I buttoned up my jeans again and slowly bent my legs. “Now open up that pretty little mouth of yours and do what you fucking do best, Doll.” he traced my lips with his thumb. “And if you think you can use your teeth… more than is pleasant, I’ll knock them out one by one, understood?”   
I nodded, not trusting my voice.   
He half turned towards Daryl as he unbuckled his pants. “Enjoy the fucking show!”  
I stared up at him, eyes wide. He couldn’t be serious, could he?   
When he slapped me in the face with his half hard dick though, it slowly sunk in. He was dead, fucking serious. I braced myself. Something told me he wouldn’t be gentle.  
He pumped his dick with his hand a few times, grinning down at me. “Open wide, Doll.” He pressed the tip of his dick against my lips.  
I squeezed my teeth together. There was no way I could do this.  
“Open wide, I won’t ask again.”  
I still didn’t comply. He backhanded me so hard, I saw stars.   
Tears in my eyes, I slowly opened my mouth.   
He entered me and the salty taste of his eagerness flooded my tongue.   
I wrapped my lips around him and he quickly found his rhythm, hitting the back of my throat with each thrust. I had to fight not to gag.   
“So. fucking. good.” Negan said, his hands on the back of my head so I couldn’t escape.  
Tears were running down my cheeks and snot threatened to cut off my breath. Sobs shook my whole body and spittle trickled down the sides of my chin as he violated my mouth and my spirit.  
I lost count of time, trying hard to think of something else, somewhere else. 

Negan’s moves became faster and more frantic as he edged towards climax.  
“Make some noise for me, Doll.” he ordered.   
I whimpered.   
“So fucking hot.” he said. He pulled out and came all over my face.   
I shook with disgust and rage.   
“See! That’s how easy it is!” he said using a handful of my hair to clean himself up. Slowly, taking his time, he put his dick back into his pants before he continued talking. “Either you fill my order or you’ll fucking pay somehow else.” He lifted my chin with his fingers, forcing me to look up at him.   
I felt the sticky mass of his seed slowly glide down my cheeks.  
“Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m actually hoping you won’t be able to fill your order again next week.” he grinned, obviously enjoying the sight.  
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. If I moved now, I’d puke on his feet.   
Silent tears were running down my face and mixed with his cum as Negan and his men trailed out.   
“You chose the wrong side, Doll.” he said, turning around one last time before leaving the house.   
Daryl slowly got up from the ground. He was bleeding from a cut on his cheek and there was blood in his hair.  
“Are you alright?” he asked, walking towards me, rubbing his hand.   
I didn’t know. Was I alright? Slowly, holding on to him for support, I got up on shaky legs. I could hear cars being started outside as Negan and his gang left, satisfied obviously.   
I stumbled into the kitchen and puked into the sink. Fuck this was disgusting. I hadn’t felt this degraded in a long long time.   
With shaking hands, I washed my face, splashing cold water on my skin, trying to get the sticky mass off.   
“I’ll kill the fucking asshole.” Daryl cursed behind me.  
“Let me… let me alone for a few minutes, okay?” I whispered. My voice was hoarse.   
Daryl nodded.  
I walked outside through the back door, not willing to face the gathered town and made it to our house through the back yards. 

I went into our bathroom and stepped into the shower, clothes and all. 

Daryl found me in the shower what could be hours or minutes later. I was sitting in the bathtub, shivering, the water having run cold a while ago.  
Wordlessly, he turned off the spray and wrapped me in a towel. I let him put me onto my feet, leaning against him for support.   
He pulled me into a hug. I let him hold me, my arms hanging limply to the sides.

We were still standing like that when someone knocked on the front door. Daryl stepped away to check who it was.   
“Do you want to see Carol?” he asked.   
I shrugged. What would it matter?  
Everyone probably knew what had happened.   
“Come here, child.” Carol walked into the bathroom and hugged me. “Leave us alone, Daryl, will you?” she said.   
Daryl nodded and left, closing the door behind him.   
She didn’t say anything just got me out of my wet clothes. It was cold in the house and I was still shivering.  
“You saved us all today.” she said, wrapping me in the towel again. I was wearing my wet underwear and nothing else. “He would have killed one of us if it weren’t for you. You did good!” she took me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “You did good!” she repeated.   
I looked at my feet.   
“Men like him… he’s only acting strong because he has his goons. If it wasn’t for his army… he’s a worm without them. A pathetic, narcissistic worm. You’re so much better than him! Better and stronger.” She hugged me tight. I knew she was right. Negan was just a guy like every other. Charismatic, yes, but underneath it all, he was nothing but a bully.  
“Thank you.” I said and hugged Carol back.

Daryl was gone, when we left the bathroom.   
I didn’t care.   
“I can stay the night, if it makes you feel safer.” Carol offered.   
I shook my head. “I got it, I think… The funny thing is… this isn’t even the worst that anyone has done to me.”   
“Yea, I know…” Carol said. “It shows in your eyes.” 

I crawled into bed with my hatchet in hand. I’d get through this like I’d gotten through everything else before. What other choice did I have?


	10. the capture of an asshole

It was a week later. No one had seen Daryl since Negan’s last visit.  
I had a metric shitton of suppressed stuff in my head, so one more thing didn’t really change a lot. I managed to go through the week with only one major breakdown that had occured when I found some whitish dried mass sticking in my hair.   
Everyone was tiptoeing their way around me. I hated it. I stayed in the house most days, knitting, to keep my hands and mind occupied. No one seemed to want to tell me off for not working with the community.  
Carol was visiting me often, making sure I was okay, chatting, bringing me food. The others mostly left me alone. Michonne and Rick had gone away. I had no idea what they were doing and I didn’t really care.

On the day of the next offering I was a nervous wreck all day long.  
We wouldn’t be able to satisfy Negan’s demands. Everyone knew what that meant. 

In the afternoon, I walked towards Rick’s house on shaky legs. Negan and his gang would be here any moment now.  
“Is Daryl…” I started.  
“… still M.I.A.” Rick said. He’d come back the day before. Michonne was still gone.

Despite the icy rain I stayed on the porch of Rick’s house leaning on the banister for support. I couldn’t bear going into the house. Not after what had happened in there.   
Rick stood next to me awkwardly. “He can’t seriously expect you to… pay our debts again.”  
I laughed a sad little laugh. “You don’t know him the way I do, so believe me when I tell you, he does. He expects it very much.” I kept my voice carefully neutral.  
  
“They’re coming!” one of the guards on the front tower shouted.  
Nausea threatened to overwhelm me. I stood up straighter but my fingers remained on the banister, my knuckles white with how hard I was digging into the wood.  
Rick slowly descended the porch-stairs and walked towards the town square as the gate was opened and three black trucks drove through.  
My heart started racing. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself, but all that got me was a feeling of light headedness added to my nausea.  
The cars stopped and Negan stepped out of the drivers’ side of the first one.  
He grinned at me, licking his lips, when his gaze met mine.  
“What a shit day to fuck some little shit town up.” Negan said to no one in particular. “What do you have for me today, Rick? Do you have what I asked or will our dear Ren have to pay again? I hope your period is fucking over, Doll!” he shouted in my direction.  
His men laughed. Yea, very funny.  
I wanted to run away. To punch something, to do anything but stand here and wait, but there was nothing I could do. Negan’s men had guns trained on our people. One wrong move and someone would be dead. We knew it, they knew it. This was our fucking life now.

Rick motioned for our people to carry our offering to Negan’s trucks.  
Negan watched them with mild interest. He had probably already realized we were falling short again.  
Everything we could spare loaded, our people quickly stepped away again, out of sight, out of danger.  
“Rick… are you trying to make fun of me? That’s even less shit than you had last week!”  
“Harvest is over. We are giving you what we can spare. You don’t want us dead. You said so yourself!”  
“Of course, Rick, of course.” Negan placed his hand on the back of the shorter man’s neck. “But someone will have to pay.” I hugged myself as he shot me a glance. “Where’s the Redneck? Did he run off and leave her soiled ass alone? Maybe you’ll be the one who gets to watch today, what do you make of that, Rick?” The two men walked towards me, Rick stumbling along with the chuckling Negan.

“Did you miss me already, Doll? Because I sure fucking did! The thought of that mouth of yours around my dick…” he paused for dramatic effect, grabbing his crotch suggestively, “almost does it for me. Which reminds me, I got something for you!”  
He stopped and got something small from his jacket pocket.  
“Come and get it before Rick here gets it.” he laughed at his own joke and shook Rick by the neck.  
I slowly walked down the stairs. The soft drizzle of rain cooling my face. I shivered. Cold had little to do with it though.  
When I was close enough, Negan held out the little item to me. It was lipstick.  
I looked at him and let disbelief show in my face.  
“Don’t you like it?” he faked hurt. “Well, put it on anyways.” He let go of Rick and walked towards me instead. “It will make watching you just so much hotter.”  
My knees threatened to give out the moment he touched me. I wanted to get away from him, but he grabbed my arm and held on so hard, I’d probably have bruises tomorrow.  
“You know how this works, come on inside.” the humor was gone from his voice.  
“Negan please don’t.” I tried reasoning with him.  
“You chose your side, Doll. Now you’ll have to live with the consequences.”  
“I… “ I didn’t get to finish my sentence.  
  
A commotion somewhere behind us made Negan look around.  
Daryl was struggling with one of Negan’s guys. Where he'd came from, I was unclear about, but there he was. Dirty and bloody, almost beyond recognition, but it was definitely him.  
“Here’s your shit. It’s more than enough, let her go!” Daryl shouted.  
Negan turned around all the way and loosened his grip on me.  
I shifted away from him and took a few steps towards Daryl.  
“It’s meat. Fresh game.” one of Negan’s men announced. “It’s a lot.”  
I could make out Rabbits hanging from Daryl’s belt and a fresh deer over his shoulders.  
“Take your shit and fuck off.” Daryl repeated, dropping his prey on the ground and slowly walking towards me.  
“The redneck has fucking spoken!” Negan chuckled. “Seems like you’re in luck today, Doll. But if you wanted to, we could go inside anyways…” he suggestively wiggled his fingers at me.  
I took a few more steps away from him, not even bothering to reply.  
Daryl walked towards me unsure.  
I closed the last distance and hugged him, grime and dirt and all.  
Compared to the almost overwhelming amount of cologne Negan wore, Daryl smelled like heaven. Sweat, blood, dirt, but most of all like safety. I lost myself in his arms. Fuck I’d missed him.  
“Don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.” Negan joked, bringing me back to the real life.  
I let go of Daryl for a moment and turned to look at him. “I’d rather die.”  
Negan chuckled. “We might make that happen if you continue to behave like that. Alright, fuckers. We’re done here. Let’s go. See you next week, assholes.”  
I was half turned towards Negan and felt Daryl step closer to me, hugging me from the side. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I leaned against him, letting my head sink onto his shoulder.

“You could have said something, you know?” I whispered once Negan and his men were in their trucks. “I thought you’d run off to live in the forest again.” Tears of relief trickled down my face as I turned around completely and buried my face against Daryl’s neck.  
He kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry.” His breath was warm against my skin.  
“Let’s go home.” I whispered.  
No one said anything. It felt like the crowd was parting in front of us, even though there weren’t that many people.  
Daryl was limping and I half carried his weight, his arm around my shoulders. His hand was bruised. It must hurt like crazy.  
“What happened to you?” I asked, pointing at the foot he was favoring.  
“Doesn’t matter.” he waved me off.  
I didn’t ask about the hand. I’d been there, when Negan stepped on it. “Can you move your fingers?”  
Daryl nodded. “Pinky hurts a bit, but I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”  
“But I do! I did all week. It was the only thing that kept me from worrying about Negan.” I gently grabbed his hand over my shoulder and held him about the waist with my other arm.  
Daryl let out a sad little chuckle. “You’re welcome then.”  
We reached the house and carefully made it up the steps to the porch.

“You get in the shower, I’ll make you something to eat.” I ordered once we were inside.  
Daryl didn’t dare protest and vanished into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later he reemerged, clean, again wearing only a towel around his waist. He looked thinner, but then, everyone would after spending a week in the woods.  
I had scrambled together some bread and butter and even a can of beer. Beer was treasured like gold in the pantry, but no one had questioned me when I’d asked for one.  
I waited until Daryl was mostly dressed before I motioned him towards the couch. He wore a pair of plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Seeing him comfortable like that made me smile.  
“What?” he said when he noticed my gaze.  
“Nothing… I just… I never expected to see you so… like that.” I grinned, motioning at his outfit. “Do you want me to have a look at your leg?” I asked, placing the plate in front of him.  
“Stop that.” he said.  
“Stop what?”  
“Fussing over me. It should be the other way round!”  
“Nah, I’m okay… the… the stuff that happened is all banished into my mental vault, where all the bad things go. I’m good.”  
“That ain’t healthy.” he said, sitting down on the sofa, shooting me a worried glance.  
“Nope, but neither is wallowing in self-pity. Eat.” I ordered. The bread was fresh, as was the butter. He must be starving.

No one bothered us all evening. I was thankful for that. I sat on the sofa with him, cross legged, eating some bread as well. I hadn’t been able to stomach anything all day out of sheer anxiety and my tummy rumbled.  
Despite the sofa being long enough to sit apart, we sat close together, our arms and thighs touching occasionally.  
My hunger satisfied, I leaned against him, letting my hand glide over his back. I noticed the ridges of the scars but didn’t comment on them. I wanted to kiss him, but didn’t. Still I was happy. Glad he was back.

It was full dark outside and I was tired beyond words. Despite my mental vault, sleep had evaded me for the past few nights. I washed my face and changed into my sleeping shirt. Daryl was still on the sofa. “If you want, you can sleep in bed with me. I mean… I’d actually love it if you did.” I said, leaning against the doorframe to the bedroom.  
Not waiting for a reply, I crawled into bed and tried to relax.  
I had almost fallen asleep, Girl resting by my feet, when I heard Daryl pad into the room. Wordlessly, he crawled under the covers.  
  
I moved my hand towards him and gently brushed my fingers over his shoulder and arm, letting them glide down towards his hand on top of the covers. His skin was warm to the touch. Soft hairs tickled the tips of my fingers.  
I traced the outlines of his hand, his fingers, all the callouses and small scars and he rolled on his side so he faced me. The light that came through the windows was weak, but we didn’t need to see anyways. Touch was more important now. Feeling each other, making sure we were both whole.  
He put his hand on top of mine and scooched closer, tracing my arm upwards. I wished I wouldn’t wear a long sleeved shirt. I wanted his skin against mine.  
His movement brought us close enough for our legs to touch, and our arms, and our upper bodies.  
He worked his left arm under my neck and I buried my face against his chest, my one arm between us, the other wrapped around his upper body, his second arm resting on top of mine, with his hand on my lower back.  
Damn this felt so good. So right. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this save, embraced in a cocoon of warmth and security.  
Our legs intertwined of their own accord. I sighed in contempt. He pulled me closer in reply.  
I felt his chin against my forehead, beard scratching, lips caressing my skin. Caressing but not quite kissing. His breath playing with the short hairs on my hairline.  
My fingers glided into the waistband of his pants to feel his skin.   
That's how we fell asleep. Intertwined with each other to a level that was almost ridiculous. It wasn’t though. It was perfect.  
+++  
We woke up with first daylight, in a tangle of blankets and limbs. Daryl’s body was half on top of mine. I let my fingers play over his back, caressing his neck, enjoying our closeness. He shifted with a comfortable groan and I froze. His morning wood was pressed against my legs.  
My heart sped up a notch and not in a good way.  
Daryl, sensing my change of mood, lifted himself up on his elbows. “What’s happened?” he rasped. “Are you okay?”  
I struggled free of him and pulled away as far as the bed would allow without falling off.  
“Please don’t make me…” I whispered before I really realized who I was here with. He would never do anything to hurt me… or would he? Weren’t all men the same in that matter?  
“What…” he started, before he realized what I meant. “Shit I’m sorry…” He rolled to the other side of the bed and practically ran out of the room.  
I took a moment to compose myself. Everything was alright. Nothing bad was going to happen to me. I was safe. Taking deep breaths, I managed to calm down somewhat.

“Are you… can I come in?” Daryl asked a few minutes later, sticking his head through the door.  
I nodded. “Sorry… I just… I forgot…”  
“Don’t worry. It’s all good.” Daryl said. “Do you want me in bed again or…”  
Swallowing deeply, I nodded. “Yea, come here…” I patted the bed next to me and lifted the covers for him.  
He didn’t crawl into bed straight away. “You sure?” he asked. “I mean… I could understand… A wise woman once told me we can take things as slow as you want.” he smiled weakly. His face looked tired.  
I smiled as well. “Yea, come here. I think I can take some more of what we did yesterday.”  
Finally convinced, he got under the covers again. He lay on his back and waited for me to come to him. No pressure. Just what I needed. Almost as if he knew… as if he’d been in the same position.  
“Daryl… you’ve been … mistreated too, haven’t you? I mean… I’ve seen the scars…”  
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”  
I snuggled against him, placing my head on his shoulder, my hand on his chest. “Okay.” I whispered. “No pressure.”  
The heat of his skin radiated through the fabric of his t-shirt. A pleasant shiver ran through me.  
+++

“So… the Hilltop people will come from this direction, the Kingdom is here and we are going in from there.” Michonne explained.  
It was three hours later and we were gathered around our kitchen table, looking at a hand drawn map of the Saviors Compound and its immediate surroundings.  
Now it made sense Michonne hadn’t been here for the offering yesterday. She’d been at the Hilltop Community, finalizing the big plan.  
After drawing my map on my very first day here, I had of course been aware of something going on, some plan being made, but I hadn’t expected it to be quite as big.  
We were going to attack the Saviors. Steal each single one of their weapons and capture Negan and his top dogs. With Negan and his top tier of Lieutenants gone, the rest of his soldiers wouldn’t have the brains to start anew… or at least that’s what we hoped would happen.  
Each one of us was aware of the danger. We knew we’d have to kill a few people, but if we timed everything right, we could win this, scatter the Saviors and make our lives and the lives of a lot of other people so much better.  
+++  
The next night  
Daryl and I were lying in wait at the edge of the forest surrounding the Saviors Compound.  
A lazy winter moon that occasionally showed through the thick cloud cover was the only source of illumination. No stars were visible.  
It was so cold, my breath condensed in front of me with each exhale.  
We’d been waiting for a while. Michonne and Rick were supposed to knock out the guards at the gate 40 yards in front of us. Daryl and I had our crossbows trained at them in case anything went wrong. One shout from them would mean big trouble for us.  
We saw Michonne and Rick. They were staring at the guards, waiting for them to be distracted or become inattentive, but despite all odds, the two armed men seemed motivated to do their jobs.  
The Walkers in their enclosure right next to the gate were unfazed by everything that was happening. They were aimlessly wandering and groaning through the night or hanging from the fences. Why Negan kept them there was a mystery to me, but he probably had a reason that made sense… even if only to him.  
I scooched closer towards Daryl. I was getting cold. He placed a reassuring hand on my back, never letting his gaze wander from our target.  
Then, obviously becoming impatient himself, he took hold of his crossbow with both hands again and switched targets.  
One of the Walkers in the enclosure stumbled and fell as Daryl’s bolt hit him in the eye. The guards turned to look what had made the noise and Rick and Michonne took their chance. Running forward, they knocked out the guards, practically mirroring each other’s movements. It was beautiful to watch, but we had no time to admire their work.  
Rick gave the all clear and Daryl and I made it to our feet.  
Since I was… intimately acquainted with Negan’s habits, he was our primary target.  
The Kingdom would free all prisoners and get the weapons from the main armory. The Hilltop people would take the big guard quarters to the far east of the building and Michonne and Rick were to find and subdue the Lieutenants.  
We ran the short distance towards the building and I was thankful for the exercise. My body was frozen through.  
“Up there.” I hissed, pointing at the grating stairs that lead up to the executive floors, as I had dubbed them.  
Daryl followed me and we made it to the door without incident.  
A brief memory of the last time I’d been waiting for entrance here flashed before my mind. I almost hoped Tony would be on duty again today. I wanted very much to knock him out or even accidentally kill him. Purely out of self-defense of course.  
We pressed our backs against the wall on either side of the door and I knocked.  
A plan didn’t always need complicated elements to it to work… or at least that was what I kept telling myself.  
The door opened outwards and a head was stuck out, weakly illuminated by the dimmed night-time-lights from inside.  
I grabbed the guy in a chokehold and squeezed. He struggled and I had to work hard to keep my grip. I would have managed, even without Daryl punching him in the face and effectively knocking him out.  
“That wasn’t very elegant.” I hushed, carefully dropping the limp body onto the ground.  
“He’s out, isn’t he?” Daryl mumbled, taking the rifle out of our victim’s hands and putting it on his back. We’d figured there’d be about ten guards at the most, until we reached Negan. We could carry that many weapons between the two of us, no biggie.  
I kept watch while Daryl searched the guy for other weapons. I’d told him upfront he’d have to be the one to do this. I had a lot of practice suppressing my emotions, but seeing familiar faces would make this way too real, even for me.  
Daryl found a knife and inspected it before putting it into my backpack, together with the gun from our victim’s belt.

We took out two more guards on our way inside. We had to get two floors up to Negan’s quarters. The stairwells were the biggest risk. They were narrow and offered barely any place to hide. The illumination here was better than in the rest of the corridors, for security reasons probably, or to freak out intruders and make them reconsider their life choices.  
We were running up the second flight of stairs, me in the lead, when I felt Daryl grab hold of my arm.  
He put his index finger on his lips in a “shhhh” gesture and pointed upwards.  
Someone was coming.  
I looked around, frantically searching for somewhere to hide, but Daryl pulled me back downstairs. Shit.  
There was a recess in the wall, judging by the empty mounting a fire hose had probably been mounted there at one point.  
Daryl continued on downstairs while I squeezed myself into the recess. The lightbulb right over me was blinking on and off. I hoped the play of light and shade and my black outfit would be enough to confuse the enemy and let me take him out.  
Holding my breath, I willed my heart to stop beating. He couldn’t hear me a second too early. I needed the element of surprise.  
All I heard was the sound of footsteps and the low whirr from the blinking lightbulb over my head.  
I felt like hours were passing, when in reality, it could be 20 seconds at the most. Still, there was cold sweat pooling at the small of my back by the time the enemy came close and stopped.   
I wanted to scream at myself. The piece of string I’d used to tie my hair had come loose and fallen to the floor. My would-be-victim crouched down to pick it up and saw me.  
His eyes went wide when he recognized me. Mine probably did too. Tony crouched before me. I was a moment quicker than him to gather my wits and grabbed him by the shoulders to deliver my knee to his face.  
Once, twice, three times, until I felt him go limp under me.  
Damn, that had been much too easy. I had wanted him to suffer.  
When I noticed the blood on my knee, I reconsidered. I’d probably broken his nose. Still, I couldn’t miss the chance to kick him in the balls as he lay there, sprawled before me. Fucking asshole.  
I wanted to kick him some more, but Daryl’s hand on my shoulder stopped me. “No killing. We’re better than them.” he hissed.  
“Yea, but he’s just such a fucking asshole!”  
Daryl made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle. Searching Tony, he took another rifle and handed me a gun to put in my backpack. It was slowly getting heavy, but the adrenaline in my bloodstream made me strong. I could carry it a bit longer.

No one else bothered us on our way towards Negan’s bedroom. I’d figured we’d check there first, since it would be much easier if he was there instead of in his wives’ apartments.

We were in luck.  
The door was unlocked. And he was inside. In his bed. Alone. Sleeping, with his back facing towards us.  
My heart stumbled in my chest, not knowing whether to speed up or stop beating completely. I nervously licked my lips. There he was. Asleep. Killing him now would be so easy.  
The look on Daryl’s face told me he was thinking along much of the same lines. But having Negan sit in a cell, robbed of his power and followers would be much more of a punishment for him. We were both very aware of that, still I saw Daryl’s hand caress the hilt of his knife.  
“No killing.” I whispered.  
Negan stirred in his sleep and rolled over. The dim lights from the corridor painted a rectangle on the wooden floor. The light was broken by me standing in front of the door, but it was light enough to see the inside of the room nonetheless.  
Judging by Negan stirring some more, it was obviously also light enough to wake up someone who was a notoriously light sleeper. Something someone who’d spent more nights with him than she cared to admit should have thought of.  
Negan opened his eyes and stared at me for the second it took him to make sense of what was happening.  
“Did you miss me so fucking much you decided you just had to come here, Doll?” he asked, slowly lifting himself up on his elbows.  
Daryl had walked further into the room and pointed his crossbow at Negan. A low grumble from his direction made Negan turn his head. “And you brought your redneck boyfriend too… this is gonna be… interesting.” Negan licked his lips suggestively and his usual smug grin appeared on his face.  
“Wow, from sleeping to asshole in 5 seconds. I’m impressed.” I murmured, working hard to control my voice. He couldn’t see how hard it was to be in the same room as him. I would not give him that satisfaction.  
“Why so hostile, Doll?” he chuckled, seeming completely at ease, not scared in the least.  
“Shut the fuck up.” Daryl murmured from the half dark. His hands were steady, his weapon didn’t tremble.  
“So what is this supposed to be? Are you here to assassinate me or what? Because if you are, you better get it over with before I make you regret it.” the playfulness in Negan's voice vanished for the moment.  
“I’d love to assassinate you, honestly.” I whispered. “But we got something so much better for you. You’re gonna love this!” I forced a grin onto my face as I repeated the words he’d said to me so often.  
He didn’t say anything straight away but instead took his sweet time staring at me from head to toe and back again. “I love the outfit. It brings out the hate in your eyes… or is that fear?”  
“Thanks, I put it on for you especially.” I took a step towards his bed despite the dread I was feeling. I had a pair of handcuffs waiting for him in my pocket.  
“So what are you here for then? Do you need me to show your man how to get you off? Again?” Negan continued his teasing.  
“Enough!” Daryl said. In one second he was bent over Negan, his knife against the other man’s throat.  
“Knifeplay… kinky.” Negan chuckled.  
I shook my head in disbelief. How could he be so relaxed?  
Daryl, obviously through with playing games didn’t wait for another word from Negan, but instead punched him in the face holding the hilt of his knife. Once, twice, before he stopped himself.  
I envied his self-control. If I’d start punching Negan, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop.  
Negan seemed somewhat dazed. Must be odd being on the receiving end of a good beating for once.  
“Give me your fucking hands, asshole.” I demanded, stepping next to Daryl.  
“Ask and you shall be fucking given, Doll!” he said, stretching his arms out for me.  
The thought of touching him made the hairs on my arms and neck rise. Still, I forced myself to grab his left hand and cuff him, ignoring the bile that rose into my throat. I averted my face for a moment and willed myself to calm down.  
“You’re stronger than him.” Daryl whispered next to me, sensing my discomfort.  
I nodded and swallowed down the tears that threatened to come. Right. He was right.  
“I’m strong.” I whispered, brusquely grabbing Negan’s right hand and cuffing it as well.  
“Positive affirmations?” Negan laughed. “Damn, I’ll have to remember that! Does it work?”  
“Shut up!” I ordered, voice trembling. Fuck I couldn’t break now. This was the worst possible moment to have a breakdown. No fucking way.  
I stood up straight and wiped my eyes with shaking hands. I took a step away from the bed and turned my back to Negan, my hand resting on Daryl’s back for moral support. “I’m fucking strong!” I repeated to myself, not sure if I’d spoken out loud.  
“Yes, you fucking are!” Negan replied.  
Daryl, tired of his talking, punched him in the face again. And for once Negan was silent. And all it took for him to shut up was being knocked out. Who’d have guessed?


	11. Triumph! (and a teethrotting amount of fluff)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Saviors have fallen. Their leader imprisoned, Ren finally gets some well deserved revenge and some sweet sweet love as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a little post-credit scene to this... it didn't really fit the main chapter, but it was cute, so I'll put it in the end notes for you to enjoy ;)

 

 

I slept well that night. So well, I couldn’t in fact remember the last time I’d slept that well.  
We’d won. We’d brought down the Saviors.  
The Hilltop community had taken the Lieutenants as prisoners, Negan was in Alexandria, the rest was scattered and gone.  
I luxuriously stretched my arms and yawned. Daryl and I had shared the bed once more, cuddling, being close, but nothing more.   
He had gotten up a few hours ago. I had woken up when he rolled out of bed but fallen back asleep almost instantly. The sound of the front door being closed had been what’d woken me just now.  
“Are you still in bed?” I heard Daryl ask.  
“What if I were?” I murmured, hiding under the blanket.  
A second later the bedroom door was pushed open.  
A small smile played around Daryl’s mouth as he looked at me. “You feelin’ ok?” he asked.  
“A bit lonely… do you know of anyone who could help me with that?”  
He walked towards my side of the bed, still smiling softly, and sat down. I let my hand sneak out from under the blanket and found his.  
We were getting pretty good at the casual touching thing. We hadn’t done anything more yet. I didn’t mind taking it slow with him. After everything that had happened, I needed just that. Someone I trusted, someone I could go as slow as I wanted with.

Daryl intertwined his fingers with mine and let his thumb play over my knuckles absentmindedly.  
I sighed in contempt. This was nice.  
“You hungry?” he asked.  
“If you offer to bring me breakfast in bed, I’ll puke. I can’t take that much cheesiness.” I chuckled.  
He snorted in amusement. “Forget I said anything then.”  
He got up from bed and slowly, almost in a dramatic fashion, let our fingers slip apart. I resisted the urge to stretch my arm after him and shout “nooooo” in a theatrical way, but instead watched him walk out of the room. He was wearing a pair of washed out jeans, his leather vest with the wings on the back and a ratty old button up shirt that was more hole than fabric.  
  
The sound of water and of the jar we kept our coffee in (yes, I’d just said “we” and “our”), told me Daryl was making coffee. That was what he considered making breakfast, so I counted myself lucky.

Lazily I made it out of bed and padded into the main room, stretching and rubbing my eyes. There was a fire going in the kitchen stove, but it was still cold. I trotted into the kitchen on bare feet and stood next to the stove to warm up.  
“Or you could just get dressed, if you’re cold.” Daryl mumbled, watching me from where he was sitting at the kitchen table.  
“I could… but since I know you like my legs, I thought I’d give you a little something to watch,” I grinned, slowly turning my back to him. I was wearing my usual long sleeved button up men’s shirt and stretched to get a cup down from the top shelf in the kitchen, mostly for his benefit.   
“Thank you then.” Daryl said and I heard his chair scratch over the floor as he got up.   
I put the cup down and turned towards him in anticipation, leaning against the counter.  
He put his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. I willingly let him pull me and put my arms around his neck. His body was very warm against mine and I let my arms sink down so I could let my hands slide under his vest and wrap them around his waist as well.  
“You’re very welcome.” I said against his skin. Without thinking about it, I kissed him on the sensitive spot just above the pulse point.  
He didn’t pull away. He didn’t freeze up, just lifted his head the tiniest bit so I could have better access to his skin. I kissed him some more. Gentle and soft and probably much too wet. He didn’t seem to mind.  
Was this really just happening?  
I made myself a bit taller and kissed my way towards his ear, letting my tongue flick over his earlobe just once. He shivered with what I hoped was pleasure.  
I felt him shift against me, his hands gliding down to my hips, which brought my groin closer to his.  
I felt a familiar bulge press against me and froze, my brain coming to a complete stop. Fuck.  
Hell no! I forced myself to breathe deeply. I was in no danger. This was Daryl, not Negan. All was good.  
“You alright?” Daryl asked, loosening his grip on me.  
“I’ll be in a minute.” I whispered, hoping I was right.  
“We can stop.” he shifted against me uncomfortably.   
My arms were limply resting around to his waist still. “I know. That’s the only reason I’m still standing here.”  
“So?”  
“Just give me a minute.” I hated myself for ruining the moment. This fucking sucked. I wanted to be with Daryl. I couldn’t panic each time he was getting aroused; especially not if I’d been the one to tease him in the first place.  
He didn’t move.  
I did. Carefully I leaned against him again and took a deep whiff of his scent to remind my brain who we were here with.  
All was good. I was save. Slowly I felt the panic subside.  
  
The front door opening ended our moment for good.  
“Jeez, oh god I’m sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you.” Vania from the stables said. Her face told an entirely different story. She had just found something new to gossip about for the rest of the week. Nice. Fucking perfect.  
I slowly let go of Daryl and made sure my shirt covered my ass.  
Daryl nervously cleared his throat and took a step away from me.  
“What do you want?” I asked Vania, letting the tiniest bit of annoyance seep into my voice.  
“Negan’s been asking to see you.” she said, not seeming put off by my annoyance at all.  
I rolled my eyes. Yea, of course he’d ask. “I can’t come to see him just now. Will you give him a note from me?”  
I got a pen and a piece of paper from the knickknacks drawer I’d found in our kitchen and wrote.

_  
Dear Negan,_  
_Fuck you_  
_Love, Ren_  
  


Daryl who’d been standing half behind me, looking over my shoulder, snorted.  
Folding the note in half, I handed it to Vania and she scuttled off.   
  
After that interruption I was in no mood for kissing or anything of the kind anymore.  
I sat down and took some coffee. It didn’t taste right. Fucking Negan! What did he want from me anyways?  
Huffing angrily, I got up and got dressed, leaving my cup on the table. “Give me 20 minutes.” I said to Daryl who looked after me with a slightly worried expression.  
Not waiting for an answer, I took Lucille from the coffee table in the living room where we’d put her last night and stormed off.   
  
Negan was in a cell in the cellar of Rick’s house. I left the bat outside the door and stomped downstairs into the makeshift prison angrily. “What do you fucking want?”  
Negan chuckled. “So full of spirit in the morning? I like it! I was just reading over your love note.” he held out the piece of paper I’d written towards me.  
I shot daggers at him with my eyes.  
“What do you fucking want?” I repeated, slower.  
“Can’t I request an old friends’ presence without wanting anything?” He leaned against the bars, holding on to the ones right and left from his face.  
“We were never friends.”  
“Lovers then.” he smirked.  
“More like frenemies.” I shot him my sweetest, fakest smile.  
“We don’t have to give it a name.” he waved me off. “So, Doll, Ren, what are you gonna do with me down here?” he got serious for a moment.  
I grinned. “Nothing.”  
“Hmph…” he made and stepped away from the bars, slowly walking up and down inside his small cell.  
“Was that all? Because if so, I’d like to go back home now. To get back into my warm, soft bed. It’s a bit chilly in here…” I rubbed my arms mockingly.  
“Thoughts of you will keep me warm, Doll.” He grinned at me and sat down on the ground, casually leaning against the wall behind him, his arms resting on his knees.  
“Sure they will.” I turned to walk out.  
“Give the Redneck my love. Oh and that lipstick I gave you last week… you can keep it. I’m sure he’ll fucking love seeing you wear it.” Negan chuckled.  
I stopped midstride. I knew he was doing this on purpose, riling me up, making me mad. That didn’t stop me from giving into his play though.  
I would not allow him to taint what I had with Daryl. No fucking way.  
“No. Just no.” I said.   
He chuckled some more.   
“Alright then. Give me your hands!” I ordered.  
Grabbing the handcuffs from their hook on the wall I made him turn around and stretch his arms through the bars.   
Once he was cuffed, I unlocked the cell.  
“On your knees.” I barked, stepping into the cell.  
Negan, grinning, did as I ordered and slowly got down on one knee, looking up at me. I couldn’t hold back a second longer and punched his face before he was kneeling.  
The impact brought him off balance and he stumbled, half on his knees, struggling to catch himself without help of his arms.  
“That’s for being a fucking asshole!” I shook my hurting hand.  
Blood was slowly seeping from a small cut on his lip and he licked it away, smirking up at me. “I might have deserved that.” he admitted.  
“Umm…. YES? Very much so! In fact…” I took him by the shoulders and smashed my knee into his face.  
“… you deserved that as well!” I said.  
Blood was slowly trickling from Negan’s nose but still he kept on grinning at me.  
Alright, that was it. I had to get that smug grin out of his face. If I couldn’t punch it off, there were other methods…   
I stepped out of the cell and locked it up again, not bothering to uncuff him. He could bite off his hands if he wanted to use them, for all I cared.  
I stepped outside the prison and got Lucille.

“My two favorite women together… are you trying to excite me?” he teased when I came back down the stairs. He was on his feet again and walking towards the bars, watching me like a cat would watch a mouse.  
I grinned at him, showing a lot of teeth. I’d show him who the mouse was in just a second.  
Putting Lucille where he could see but not reach her, I left the prison.  
Rick wanted to keep the bat as a symbol of our battle, as a trophy of our victory.  
Rick could go fuck himself. I didn’t care.  
I was allowing Negan to live, that was about all that could reasonably be expected from me.  
Stomping down the stairs again, I found Negan leaning against the bars as if he thought he might be able to slip through if he just tried hard enough.

I set the metal bucket I’d gotten down with a clatter and looked at Negan as I put Lucille into it, barbed-wire wrapped end first.  
I held his gaze as I slowly poured some lamp oil over her.  
Taking a box of matches from my pocket, I lit one blindly, my eyes on Negan. The grin slowly died on his face as the realization of what I was about to do hit him.  
I dropped the lit match into the bucket.  
He paled.  
“Doll… please…” he mumbled. “Please don’t.”  
“As a wise man once said to me: You chose your side. Now you gotta live with the consequences, asshole!”  
Flames encased the bat, stinking up the small room with the dirty smoke from the blood and other fluids that had accumulated in the wooden fibers for years.  
“Please don’t.” Negan repeated. He was trying to squeeze through the bars for real now.  
“Fuck you!” I shouted.   
With the grin wiped from his face, he suddenly looked very old and very tired.   
“Wow, Rick was actually right. This is a way better punishment than killing you. How does it feel watching the thing you love most go up in flames, knowing you can’t do anything about it… knowing you’ll fucking rot in this cell for the rest of your pathetic life?”  
I wasn’t sure if he even heard me. He was staring at the flames, at his bat and his eyes looked hollow. Sad, broken.   
His shoulders slumped forward and he let himself glide to the floor, let his head sink to his chest. He closed his eyes and the look on his face was of someone who was experiencing real pain.   
Something inside of him had just broken.   
Alright, maybe I had gone over the top a bit. I looked from him back to the bat. It was engulfed in flames. There was no turning back now. The bat was burning, crackling as the heat made the wood expand and push against the barbed wire wrapping.

The rage inside of me vanished. Suddenly I couldn’t stand anymore. Taking a few steps backwards I sat down at the bottom stair, putting my arms around my knees.  
I watched the man that used to be Negan fall apart.   
  
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry over Negan ever again. I’d shed enough tears over him for two lifetimes. He didn’t deserve my tears.  
Still, as I was watching him now I felt a part inside of me break as well and tears started falling. Silently at first, but then a sob escaped my throat. And another.  
He had hurt and used so many people, not giving a shit about their feelings, about the pain he’d caused them, yet here I was, crying over him, over his loss.  
The others didn’t get to see him break, but I did. And I cried for all of them.  


The sound of someone coming down the stairs behind me brought me back to the real world. I had put my forehead on my knees and was silently weeping. Negan was sitting on the ground, his face pressed against the bars, still staring at the bucket. Lucille was nothing but a piece of coal.  
Daryl stopped next to me and took in the room. He went back upstairs and opened the door to let out some of the smoke.  
There was a small window through which light could filter in and smoke went out, but burning stuff in a cellar probably wasn’t the best of ideas in any case.  
Good thing I didn’t plan on doing it again.  
Daryl sat down next to me wordlessly and put his arm around my shoulder. I leaned against him and stared at the glowing embers in front of me.

“Let’s go,” he said, getting up and holding his hand out for me.  
Negan looked at us as we got up and left, but he remained quiet. Seemed like he was all out of snide remarks for a change.  


Stepping inside the house, I wrapped myself up in a coverlet before sitting down on the sofa.  
“Sorry I didn’t wait for you.” I said. I knew Daryl had had his own battles with Negan, even before we met. “He was just making me so furious.”  
Daryl shook his head and sat down next to me. “This one was all yours. You needed that.”  
I nodded. He was right. It had hurt, but it had also felt incredibly good. Empowering. I was my own woman. I was stronger than anyone who tried to cross me. Better.  
It was like an epiphany and I wouldn’t have been surprised if a ray of light had descended on me in that moment.  
Daryl of course, couldn’t see what was happening inside my head, which was why he was a bit confused when I turned to him and let my hand glide over his chest.  
“So… what were we doing when we were so impolitely interrupted earlier?” I murmured, slowly moving closer.  
I let my hand glide over his knee and upwards, over his jeans clad thigh, over his chest, around his neck.  
Climbing onto his lap, I bent down to kiss his neck. He leaned his head back to give me the space I wanted.  
Slowly, carefully, I found his earlobe and nibbled it for a moment before I moved towards his jawline. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer.  
I had wanted to take things slow, but I was getting tired of taking things slow. We could both be dead by tomorrow. I needed him now!  
Looking into his eyes, I pressed my lips against his in a quick, chaste kiss. His mouth was soft in contrast to his scratchy beard and hard jawline.  
I let my arms glide around his neck and the kiss grew, became more.   
He lifted his knees and the small movement made me slide forward, closer against him. He kissed my chin and neck and traced the line of my collarbones with his kisses, scratching over the soft skin of my cleavage with his bearded mouth.  
I stretched my upper body, so my chest came up to his eyelevel and he got the message. Carefully, almost shyly, he let his hands travel upwards from my waist and cupped my breasts from below, tracing over them with his thumbs.  
Goosebumps travelled up and down my back and I felt my nipples harden, my skin becoming sensitive. My breath hitched in my throat as he worshipped my skin with his mouth and hands.  
I loved it. And I needed more.  
I needed all of his skin to touch all of mine.  
Pulling back the slightest bit, I pulled my tank-top over my head and carelessly tossed it to the side. The air in the house was cold but his warmth was enough to stop me from shivering.  
His big hands glided over my back, eagerly, like he wanted to touch every part of me at once. His touch against my cold skin sent shivers of pleasure through my body.   
I closed my eyes and enjoyed his caresses, his hands and mouth on my body, his breath playing with my overly sensitive skin.   
Slowly, I let my arms glide down from his shoulders and started unbuttoning his shirt.   
He moved upwards from my cleavage in reply and craned his neck for another kiss.  
I willingly complied, parting my lips just the slightest bit, allowing him to explore my mouth with his tongue. He tasted of the wild and warmth and summer nights and the sensation of his tongue against mine travelled all the way downwards to my core, forcing a small gasp from my throat. Rocking back and forth on his lap just once, I lost patience with his shirt and simply let my hands glide inside.  
He answered in a very low, very male growl.   
“You know what I just remembered?” I breathed.  
“Hm?” he made, not really seeming interested in talking.  
“When we were interrupted earlier… I wasn’t wearing any pants. I think, in order to have the full experience, we should correct that. Just so it feels like we were never interrupted, you know what I mean?”  
He laughed. “I understand and support your idea.”  
Grinning, I got up and unbuckled my pants. He watched me eagerly, following the movements of my hands as I pulled them down my legs. I had been aching for him before, but his eyes on me made me squirm in anticipation.  
“You might wanna lie down for what comes now, old man.” I chuckled, motioning to the right of him and gently pushed him to the side as I climbed on top of him again.  
With a grin he came to rest on the sofa and placed his hands under his head so he could still watch me while reclining comfortably.   
  
I didn’t waste a second and unbuttoned his shirt all the way. His chest and belly were finely dusted with dark hair and I bent over him and kissed my way downwards. He smelled divine. The soft hairs tickled my lips and nose as I moved over his body. Goosebumps appeared where I touched him. It was delightful watching him react to my gentlest of caresses.  
I stopped myself when I reached his navel. A thin line of hairs led downwards and vanished into his waistband.   
I let my fingers glide downwards over the bulge in his pants, tracing his hard shaft through the fabric of his jeans. He answered with a groan as I let my fingers glide upwards again.  
Looking up at him I found his eyes closed and a soft expression of contempt and pleasure playing around his mouth.  
I made sure to rub along his crotch with my body as I moved back upwards and came to rest atop of him.  
His eyes were still closed when my mouth found his.  
Greedily he grabbed me and pulled me towards him so I collapsed on top of him, my bent legs to either side of his hips. I felt him tug at the waistband of my panties with his fingers, tracing the outlines of them and cup my ass with strong hands.  
“This sofa is… way too small.” he gasped between kisses.  
I had to agree. My right leg kept sliding off the seat. “Bedroom?”  
He nodded.  
I climbed off of him and took his hand to help him up. He caught me in his arms and we awkwardly stumbled into the bedroom, kissing each other, almost falling over our own feet in our eagerness to be close.  
He pushed me backwards until my legs touched the foot end of the bed. And then he pushed some more until I tumbled over and fell.  
He shrugged out of his shirt and pants in quick, hurried motions, tossing everything to the floor, before crawling on top of me. The pair of washed out boxers he wore strained to keep him contained.  
I whimpered in anticipation when he crawled on top of me.  
He ravished my neck with his mouth and with nimble fingers he pushed down one strap of my bra, exposing my breast.  
Another whimper escaped me, turning into a small moan when he caught my nipple with his mouth. My eyes fluttered and my back arched in his direction without any possibility to stop myself.  
He wrapped his arms around my back and unhooked my bra, his mouth never leaving my breasts. I slipped my bra off and it joined the heap of clothes on the ground.   
The sensation of his rough tongue and lips on my eager, exposed flesh was almost too much.  
I lifted my hips against him in desperate search for friction. The layers of fabric that separated us were unbearable. I let my hands glide under the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down over his ass, making his dick finally spring free.  
He groaned and hooked his fingers into the waistband of my panties. I lifted my hips to let him pull them down.  
He let one of his hands glide down over me, from my breast over my navel and to my hips. His fingers traced my entrance and I shivered in anticipation. Damnit, I needed him. I wrapped my legs around his hips to bring him closer.  
He resisted, keeping some distance between the two of us, nervously clearing his throat.  
"What is it?" I murmured.  
“Shouldn’t we use a condom?” he asked.  
I sighed. He was right of course, but condoms were rare these days. I didn’t have any. “You’re gonna have to just… pull out.” I murmured.  
"And you’re alright with that?”  
"Yea well… I got no other choice than being alright with it, do I?” I laughed a not entirely happy laugh.  
He hesitated, still not moving.  
“Daryl... don’t worry. Just... " I cupped his cheeks with my hands and caressed his face, looking into his eyes. "Just fuck me already." I lifted my head and kissed him again, slowly pulling him down on top of me. The feeling of his dick against my entrance, already slick with his excitement made me gasp. Damn, I wanted him so bad. “Daryl… please!” I whispered. He groaned in anticipation and with a small movement of his hand lined himself up with me. And then, he finally pushed into me all careful and slow, inch for inch. The sensation made both of us gasp. It was incredible. Feeling our bodies mold against each other…  
There was so much love and tenderness in his movements, I had forgotten sex could be this soft and warm. He was so careful, holding back to make sure he didn’t hurt me, just giving me pure, perfect bliss.  
His eyes were half hidden behind his hair and I pushed my fingers through it, combing the strands back so I could see him clearly. “I won’t break, you don’t have to be so careful.” I whispered.  
He cleared his throat again and finally seemed to let himself go.  
Our eyes met and in this moment we were one, truly. Our hips moved together, finding the same rhythm making each motion more pleasurable than the one before. I lost all sense of time as we rode the waves of pleasure together.  


His face was directly above me, his eyes closed in concentration as his movements became faster and his breathing sped up.  
My insides clenched around him in a first indication of my impeding climax. I gripped his arms, needing something to hold on to as his movements became frantic, bringing me ever closer towards the edge.  
And then, just as I was about to tumble over, he shifted his position.  
“What are you doing?” I panted.  
“Just…” he didn’t finish his sentence, but put his hand between the two of us and let his thumb glide over my clit.  
I gasped… and tumbled straight into pleasure. For a few seconds I lost all control of my body. My eyes fluttered closed and my legs spasmed helplessly. Fuck, this was heaven.  
He thrust into me a few times more, drawing out my moment of extasy until I could feel myself no more.  
The world around me lost all meaning as I lost myself in pure bliss.  
I only half felt him pull out and cum onto my belly in my dazed state.  
He collapsed next to me, his chest heaving and sinking with his labored breath.  
If I could have moved, I'd have rolled over to touch him, but I didn't yet feel like I had full control over my body again, so I just remained motionless, except for the occasional twitch of my legs with the aftershocks of orgasm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I could move again, I got up and waddled into the bathroom to clean myself. Daryl had dozed off on top of the covers.  
> I snorted, as I came back into the bedroom.  
> "Are you wearing socks?" I asked.  
> He opened one eye and looked at me tired but happy.  
> "Are... are those the ones I made?"  
> "Found them in the living room..." he murmured.  
> I didn't know whether to laugh. Socks during sex were... questionable, but the fact that he wore them, despite my meager knitting skills made my heart jump in my chest as I crawled back into bed with him. Pulling the blanket over the two of us I snuggled into his body and fell asleep.


	12. a cold, snowy night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its winter and supplies are getting low.  
> People are getting sick and need medicine.   
> Ren finds out where to find some and she goes to find them with Daryl.   
> Freshly in love as they are, they find the time for some together time even in the coldest, darkest moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was done with the story, with the two of them finally getting their shit together... but ideas keep popping into my head, so there will be a few more chapters...

Winter had started. It had stripped the trees of their last stubborn leaves and covered their branches with snow and icicles instead.  
The world was covered in white. People stayed inside as much as possible, huddled around their hearths. Daryl and I were no exception. It was nice, being newly in love and caught in our house with each other all day and night, talking, making love, enjoying life.  
We were grossly in love and swimming on an ocean of oxytocin. It was disgusting.

Despite the snow there were still things to be done though. Daryl was doing guard duty as well as going hunting whenever possible.  
I worked at the stables each day and had signed up for taking care of Negan a few times a week.   
We’d called a truce, agreeing we’d both done shitty things, and I felt kinda sorry for him, sitting all alone in his dark, cold cell.  
There could be a lot said against him, but he had always treated me well when I’d been staying at the Saviors Compound.   
Daryl complained I’d forgiven Negan too easily. I honestly couldn’t blame him. He was probably right. That didn’t change anything though. I was still doing what I felt was right. 

I was slowly getting used to being among people again. Among people who cared for my wellbeing, to be exact.  
At the Saviors, no one but Negan and a very few others had given a shit about my comings and goings. No one had tried to befriend or get to know me and that’s how I generally preferred it. I had always been a loner by nature and I was okay with that. People in Alexandria were different. They refused to accept my preferences and kept on bugging me to participate in whatever ideas they came up with.  
Daryl, thankfully, understood and accepted my need for solitude; mostly because he felt the same way. We didn’t have to chatter all day long. Silence was golden. If one of us wanted to be alone, the other gave them their space, no questions asked.

I expected Daryl back by afternoon at the earliest. He had gone out to hunt.  
I had done my chores at the stables and was on my way to bring Negan a late lunch, carrying a small tray with bread and venison stew in my hands and a thermos with hot tea under my arm.  
Sitting with him was kind of an escape from the others, since no one else ventured into the prison until they absolutely had to.

Negan looked up at me when I came down the stairs and a smile appeared on his face. Not the classic Negan smirk, but a real, genuine smile.   
"Doll! What a sight for sore eyes!" he exclaimed, slowly getting up from his bed, putting the novel he’d been reading to the side. Slowly, almost stiffly, he walked towards the bars.  
Being in captivity didn’t become him. We hadn’t taken his leather jacket with us when we’d captured him and he wore an old greenish winter-jacket instead. His face had lost much of his animation since he had no one to bully anymore and prisoner-him looked much older than he had as the leader of the Saviors.  
"Hey there!" I said, handing him the tray through the wide opening at the bottom of the bars.  
"I sorely missed you yesterday, Doll. None of my other caretakers are as nice as you... or as hot." he chuckled, taking the tray from me.  
"Probably because you're acting like an ass towards everyone..." I grinned tiredly, ignoring his flirtations. "Why did you open the window again? It's freezing in here!" The small hatch was barred from the outside, but could be opened from inside his cell. It was wide open despite the freezing temperatures.  
"It's like a fucking soap opera out there. You wouldn’t believe the things people say when they think no one can hear them." There was genuine amusement in his voice.  
I snorted, unscrewing the thermos and pouring some steaming tea for Negan. “Alright… whatever makes you happy.” I put the thermos on the ground, pulled a flask from my jacket pocket and poured some rum into his cup. "Rick has prohibited me from giving you booze, so this better stay between the two of us, understood?" I held the cup just out of his reach.  
The patented Negan smirk appeared on his face and a bit of his old self flashed over his tired features. "Doll... do you want to turn me on, being a bad girl like that?"  
"Stop it with the flirtations, will you?" I rose an eyebrow. “We talked about that. If Daryl hears you talking like that, he’ll have an aneurism.”  
"I'm sorry, Doll, I can't help it, when you’re so..."  
I held up a finger to stop him from saying anything more.  
He shut up and I handed him the steaming cup of tea through the bars.  
He greedily grabbed it and took a careful sip while walking towards his bed again. He had neither chair nor table in his cell, so he ate sitting down on the bed, balancing the tray on his knees. He ate silently, washing the food down with mouthfuls of tea. The stew wasn’t very good. It never was when Cybil and Frank manned the kitchens, but Rick had ordered we could only have what the communal kitchen offered until spring, since it wasted less food and firewood than each house cooking for themselves. The rule made sense, so I chose to follow it.  
Taking the blanket I'd put in the corner and spreading it on the ground I sat down before pouring myself a cup of tea with rum too.  
I sat silently, hugging myself, sipping tea, enjoying the companionable silence. It was very much appreciated after the mindless chatter at the stables.

"You care for a game of cards, Doll?" Negan asked once he was done eating. He cleaned the inside of the bowl with pieces of bread and put them in his mouth with relish, before placing it back on the tray and sliding it out through the bars again.

Playing Gin had started out as a joke, when I found that Negan gossiped like an old lady. Now we played almost every time I came to see him. We were deep into our second game and had almost emptied both the thermos and the flask, when two voices outside came within hearing distance.  
We both looked up.  
"... running low on meds as well." Rick said.  
"I’ll go find some." Daryl answered.  
"But where? We..."   
Their words cut off. They had passed the window and were out of earshot again.  
I stared at the ground. I had been aware of our dwindling stores, but hadn't thought about anything but food and wood.   
It was winter and people were getting sick. We needed meds now more than ever.  
"You know where to find a fucking shitton of meds, Doll." Negan said, folding his cards into one single stack, face earnest.  
I frowned at him, not sure what he was referring to.  
"The infirmary at the Compound was stocked to the fucking ceiling! Most of it thanks to you." he clarified, talking slowly as if I was an idiot.  
I stared at him and my eyes went wide. "You're right!" Slowly I got to my feet. “I have to tell them!”   
"Always happy to help.” Negan saluted.   
I hurried up the stairs to find Daryl and Rick.  
“That's why I like the fucking window open, Doll!” I heard him shout through the open hatch when I passed by it.

Daryl and Rick were sitting at the kitchen table, looking through the folder where the people at the food depository noted everything that went in and out.  
"I know where we can get meds." I said without preamble.  
"How do you... " Rick started.  
"I was downstairs with Negan. We heard you talk. He hears… a lot. You should really be more careful." I quickly explained, walking towards the kitchen table and leaning on the back of a chair.  
"And you shouldn't be downstairs with him as much." Rick scolded.  
"Yea... we should rather let him suffer in silence, right?" I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to know where to get the meds or not?"  
"Where?" Rick asked courtly. Things had been uneasy between the two of us from the beginning. He didn’t trust me and he didn’t make a secret of it. There was no love lost between him and me, but we managed to get along most of the time.   
Still, seeing the annoyance in his face made my day.  
"At the Saviors Compound. I mean… a lot of it is probably gone, but it’s still worth a shot. Daryl and I could go take a look." I said, shooting Daryl a questioning glance.  
He nodded.  
Rick considered my words, thinking them through. "You’ll have to go as soon as possible," he said, “we have people at the doctors' and no way to treat them."

+++

Daryl and I went through the gate at first daylight, which, considering it was the middle of winter, meant by around 8am.  
The day was cold but sunny. It had stopped snowing but the road before us was covered in a thick blanket of fresh, mostly untouched white.  
I squinted over the sparkling snow crystals. This was beautiful.  
The Saviors Compound was about a day's journey on horseback in good weather. If the weather held and we pushed the horses, we could make it.   
Poppy seemed happy to be out and about again, despite the cold, even more so now that she had an equine friend with her.  
Daryl had taken a horse named Kit Kat, a sturdy, beige mare, a few inches taller than Poppy was.   
The forest was silent except for the sound of the horses’ feet on the mushy snow. Small clouds condensed in front of each of our mouths and noses in the fresh, clean winter air.

The journey was uneventful for most of the morning. Once or twice we saw small groups of Walkers stumble through the forest and over the road but we easily outrode them all. 

Over the course of the day, more and more clouds were approaching and without us really noticing, covered the blue sky in a dark and angry gray. I pulled up my hood to stay warm, when the first snowflakes started falling.  
What had started as a few odd snowflakes slowly but steadily turned into an outright snowstorm over the course of the afternoon.   
Daryl suggested we make our quarters in the hut where we'd first met and tackle the last part of our journey tomorrow.  
I vetoed his idea. I didn't want to leave the horses outside during the night without proper shelter. Daryl reluctantly agreed with me. The wind had picked up and there was no way to shield the horses from its icy gusts. We couldn’t risk them getting sick or hurt in the cold night.

Snowflakes painfully whipped into our faces and the going was becoming ever slower. We had passed the former first outpost about 30 minutes ago. It couldn't be much farther, but the snow was getting so dense, I barely saw the ground under Poppy’s feet.  
"Should have gone to the hut..." Daryl muttered, his face half hidden behind his thick grey shawl.  
"Probably..." I meekly admitted.  
This sucked.  
My body felt as if it was frozen through and I couldn’t feel my fingers and toes. I needed to move to get my blood flowing again. I stopped Poppy and dismounted, rubbing my fingers against each other, I jumped up and down a few times.   
Daryl dismounted as well and walked around his horse to where I stood. "C'm'ere" he mumbled, taking my icy hands between his.  
"How come you always have such warm hands?" I murmured, deliberately ignoring the much more dire problems.  
He snorted and stepped very close to me. My hands caught between our bodies, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.   
He pulled his shawl down and brushed his cold lips over my forehead, pushing my hood back a bit in the process. I buried my face against his chest. The outside of his jacket was cold, but then, everything was cold. It didn’t matter. Being close to him was more important.  
“What are we going to do?” I asked. The horses were left and right of us offering some cover from the wind. They were uneasily snorting and scuttling in the snow, obviously cold and tired same as Daryl and I.   
Daryl scanned our surroundings over my head. “C’mon.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me after him.  
The horses trotted after us as we walked off the road and into the forest to find better coverage. The road was like a swath through which the wind could blow and shoot the snow straight at us.

“Should we make camp somewhere?” I asked unsure, stopping again, now that we were sheltered from the worst.   
Daryl contemplated for a moment. “How much longer to the Compound?”  
We had passed the the rusty car with the family of mummies in it not too long ago. It must have crashed against a tree, killing all three occupants when everything had begun. No one had bothered to give them a burial. “In good weather, I’d say about ten minutes.”   
“So 30 minutes now… we’ll make it. Come on.” He took my hand again and pulled me after him.   
The forest ground was snowy as well, but not half as bad as it was on the road. The wind still bit through my clothes, right into my skin.  
Watching only the ground before my feet, I trotted after Daryl, the horses following behind. “We should have stayed home.” I pressed through chattering teeth. “Where it’s warm and dry and warm…”   
Daryl said nothing, just walked on, parallel to the road so we wouldn’t lose our way. His steps were long and sure. Mine were more of an uncoordinated stumble. 

It seemed like an eternity passed until the ugly grey building finally appeared out of the snowy haze. It was as ugly as ever, but it looked more broken and run down than it used to.   
The wind catching in the corners howled eerily. The howl was accented by the jangling of the chain-link fence that surrounded the whole structure. Very nice and inviting.  
There were still Walkers stumbling around in the enclosure. I didn’t know if it were the same ones that had always been there or new ones that had somehow managed to catch themselves. I didn’t stop to check.  
Striding past them towards the stables, my shoulders pulled up for warmth and hugging myself, I only looked left and right enough to make sure there were no Walkers close by.   
One that was walking around aimlessly was quickly put out of its misery by Daryl and his hunting knife. I ended another ones existence with my hatchet in its head. We were so used to killing them, we didn’t even slow down.

Poppy neighed in anticipation when I opened the door to the familiar stable.   
“Sorry, girl. Your friends are gone.” I said, leading her inside, stomping the snow off my boots and pulling down my hood.   
There were 20 bays, 10 on the left side, 10 on the right and Poppy inspected each of them as if one of her friends might be hiding. The stable was empty except for a few mice that scattered away, disturbed by the late night visitors. Contrary to what one would expect, all the windows were still intact. With the door closed only a slight breeze wafted through the building.

We put Poppyseed and Kit Kat in two adjacent boxes on the right side. There was a small heap of hay in the very backmost bay and they had a nice dinner.  
“Should we stay with them?” I asked, pointing at the hay. I didn’t want to go stumbling through the dark Compound now, in search of somewhere to sleep and with the hay, we would have a soft and possibly even warm bed if we cuddled up.  
Daryl shrugged. “Sure.”  
“You think it’s save to make a fire?” The ground was concrete, but there was hay and straw and cobwebs everywhere.   
“We’ll only have ourselves to blame if we burn the whole thing down.” Daryl joked.   
I laughed. “Yea, right.”  
I hastily cleared a part of the ground with my foot and Daryl found some wood for us to burn.

Ten minutes later we had a nice, little fire going.   
I crouched as close as possible without burning my knees, enjoying the feeling of warmth returning to my limbs.  
Daryl shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around me from behind.  
“Aren’t you cold?” I murmured, snuggling into the warmth that was still caught in it, breathing in his scent.  
“Not as cold as you are.” he murmured, crouching by the fire opposite of me and holding his hands towards it as well. 

We had a quick meal consisting of day old bread and dried meat, before we made our bed in the hay. The fire had burned down to glowing embers, spending some much needed warmth and comfort. I went out and got an armful of snow to drop on the embers to properly extinguish it. The possibility of the wind blowing a stray stalk of straw or hay into the coals and setting everything on fire was too big.  
We had one blanket beneath us, another one above. Our jackets were spread on top for extra warmth. The walls of the bay shielded us from the breeze. It was almost cozy.  
I snuggled against Daryl as closely as possible, both of us fully clothed. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and held me tight.   
“You warm enough?” Daryl whispered. His breath tickled the sensitive skin on my neck.  
“Nah…” I pulled his arms around me tighter and wiggled my ass against his crotch. I was tired but much too cold to sleep. “You think skin on skin contact would make us warm up?” I whispered, shivering, grinning into the darkness.   
Daryl pried his hand from my grip and let it glide under my sweater. I shivered some more, though unsure now, if it was caused by cold or from excitement.   
His hand glided over my tummy and upwards and I allowed myself to melt against him, relaxing into his warmth and caresses with a soft sigh. His warm fingers on my skin were like being kissed by the sun. His lips on the back of my neck sent flashes of electricity through my body. This was nice.   
“Warm already?” he asked again.   
“Nah… you’ll have to try harder.” I whispered, snuggling backwards against him, wriggling my ass against his crotch.  
He let his hand glide farther upwards, slowly cupping my breast.   
I whimpered. His hard length pushed against me from behind, caught under way too many layers of clothes.  
Turning around so I faced him and breathing into my hands a few times to make sure my fingers were warm, I let them glide around him and under his sweater. I draped my leg on top of his, pulling us closer against each other.   
His lips found mine in the darkness and I answered his touches eagerly, slightly opening my mouth to welcome him. I let my hand glide downwards into his waistband at the same time as I felt him unhook my bra.   
“You warm now?” he asked, pulling back just enough so he could talk, our noses almost touching.  
“Not all the way.” I whispered, finding his lips again.   
I felt his bulge push against my belly in reply.  
My fingers glided forward over his hips and I struggled to unbuckle his belt with shaking hands.  
Unfazed by my struggles, he let his hands glide under the fabric of my bra, carefully, gently letting his fingers slide over my sensitive nipples, squeezing my breasts. I stopped what I was doing and enjoyed the sensation for a second.   
The fact that there was barely any light by which to see intensified all my other senses; the feeling of his body against mine, the smell of his skin, the taste of his mouth.   
It was almost impossible to concentrate on unbuttoning his pants. The sensation of our lips against each other, of his hands on my breasts, my fingers against his skin was almost too much. I whimpered as he pulled away from my lips and moved downwards over my chin to my neck.  
I let my hands glide into his pants, cupping him through the thin fabric of his boxers. My thumb gently slid over his tip and he paused his kissing, his mouth hovering just over my skin.   
A pleasant shiver went through his whole body. I’d never met a guy before who was quite so sensitive when it came to the smallest of caresses. Feeling his reactions all pure and real made me want to entice more of the same from him. I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top, kissing his mouth and jawline and neck, as far downwards as his clothes allowed, very aware of his erection pulsing and pushing against me.  
He wanted me. I wanted him. I could feel my anticipation drench my panties.   
Lifting up just enough so I could reach my pants I unbuttoned them and grabbed Daryl’s hand from where it rested on my ass to moved it to my front.   
I didn’t have to ask him twice and he let his fingers glide into my pants and panties.  
I whimpered when he found my entrance with his fingers and bent down in search for his lips. I wanted his mouth and his fingers and his dick.   
Let my hands glide into his boxers, I wrapped my fingers around the length of him, slowly pumping a few times, moaning into his mouth as he entered me with rough fingers and mirrored my movements.   
“More.” I demanded, voice shaky.   
I kissed along the line of his jaw and down towards his neck, gently biting tender skin. My hand was still inside his boxers, wrapped around him.   
In one smooth motion he turned us over so I was on my back. His fingers hooked into each side of my waistband and he pulled down my pants to my knees.   
My breath hitched in my throat with anticipation and want as he climbed on top of me. I spread my legs as far as my half discarded pants allowed and he moved between them.   
Swallowing in anticipation I pulled him against me. The feeling of his tip against my moist entrance sent pleasant shivers through my body.  
“Fuck, I need you.” I whispered.  
He entered me in one smooth motion.   
I cried out. I wanted to wrap myself around him, to have as much of him inside me as possible.   
With a groan he found my lips again.   
I grabbed his upper arms for something to hold on to as he started moving inside of me.   
“More.”  
He chuckled and stopped moving. “There’s not much more I can give you.”  
“Don’t ruin the mood.” I laughed as well and pulled him down for another kiss.  
He started moving again and we moaned into each other’s mouths at the sensation.  
My eyes fluttered closed. My hips moved with him of their own accord to give him the perfect angle to enter me, faster and ever more impatient. My hands found their way under his sweater and the feeling of his body under my greedy fingers made us both shiver with pleasure.  
The muscles deep inside of me clenched as if wanting to pull him deeper inside.   
“More.” I whispered again, giving voice to my body’s desire.  
A deep male growl broke from his lips as he thrust into me again. Deeper and harder, becoming ever faster, driving me closer and closer towards the edge.   
Randy as we were for each other, neither of us took very long. I felt him speed up and his movements became jerky.  
“Hmmmm…. fuck.” I moaned, closing my eyes in bliss. My body spasmed as the first wave of pleasure rolled over me, threatening to pull me under. Sensation shot through my body as I tumbled over the edge. My toes clenched inside my shoes, my upper body lifting against Daryl, fingernails leaving trails of greed on his skin.  
A primal noise escaped my lips without the chance or the will to stop it and the world was gone for just a second.   
I felt Daryl pull out and move away, finishing into the hay. My hand limply rested on his lower back, reluctant to break skin contact but I was too drunk on serotonin to do much else.   
“You warm now?” he whispered, collapsing next to me.  
“Yea.” I laughed “Thank you for your hard work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read and edited this chapter so often, I honestly lost the feeling for it. I have no idea if its good or bad anymore, so please accept my apology in case its awful...   
> I promise to do better in the future!


	13. Killing ain't fun!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Daryl finally make it into the Saviors Compound.   
> They had expected their trip to be quick and easy. Turns out though, that it's neither the one nor the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's gotten way more violent than I'd planned. Some shooting and stabbing and lots of blood, but nothing too graphic. Still, if you're easily triggered, proceed with caution.

I barely got any sleep that night. Despite being pressed against Daryl, embraced in his arms, I was much too cold. The fine stalks of hay stung through the blanket and my jeans and made me itchy all over. And as if that wasn’t enough, the sense that we weren’t alone was getting stronger and stronger.  
At first I thought it was my imagination, but after the third time the sound of someone’s laughter startled me from my doze, I was pretty sure it wasn’t.  
People still being here or coming back after we’d brought down the Saviors seemed kinda obvious. We couldn’t be the only ones who wanted to have a go at the stuff that was still left in the building. Their stores had been huge and a lot of people knew about them.   
Mentally walking through the steps of how to get to the infirmary and planning the best and safest route kept me awake into the early morning hours.   
Daryl softly snored next to me, his mouth half open.   
The horses’ breaths were slow and steady. They were sleeping as well. Only me and the mice were awake.  
… and whoever was laughing and bawling outside.   
I started at the sound of glass breaking. Whoever was outside was singing irish drinking songs, laughing, shouting, not having a care in the world. Damn, I wanted a drink too.  
+++  
I was almost warm. Or at least, I didn’t feel like I’d freeze at any moment anymore. Daryl was stirring behind me, carefully pulling his arm out from under me.   
Groaning, I moved so he could pull away.  
“Didn’t want to wake you.” he whispered, gently kissing my temple.  
I wrapped the blanket around me again and pulled up my legs, making myself as small as possible to keep warm.

An icy gust of wind blew inside when he opened the barn door.  
I sat up, suddenly wide awake. “Daryl! Wait!” I hissed.  
He pulled the door closed again and walked the few steps to the box I was in. Stopping at the entrance, he leaned against the wooden wall. “Hm?” His breath formed small clouds before his mouth and nose.  
“There’s people outside. Be careful.”   
+++  
“There’s at least eight people moving inside the building.” Daryl explained. He’d been using his morning cigarette break wisely and had done some scouting. “How far is the infirmary?”   
“I think the safest route will be through the building. We should be able to reach it in a few minutes once we’re inside. I think they were drinking last night. They can’t be too attentive today.” I dropped the armful of hay I’d been carrying into the hayrack between Poppy and Kit Kat’s boxes. They greedily dug in.  
Daryl nodded. “You look tired.” he said, closing the distance between us and pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.   
“I’ll manage. Don’t worry.” I took his hand with mine and kissed his palm.

We left the horses in the stable, hoping they’d be save there.  
The snowfall from last night had brought about two feet of fresh, fluffy snow. Everything, including our trail from when we arrived last night was covered.  
Making sure no one was in the courtyard, we entered the Compound through the kitchen. There was no way of hiding our steps in the fresh snow, so we just let it go and hoped for the best.   
The wind was still blowing, though much softer than last night. Maybe it’d blow over our trail. Maybe not. We couldn’t change it either way.  
The kitchen was a mess. What had once been the pristine stainless steel wet-dream of every cook left in the world now looked like a horde of 5 year olds had been left to play in it for an hour… unattended. Every single drawer and cupboard was open. Cutlery and kitchen knick knacks mixed with broken dishes on the dirty tiles. Muddy footprints covered the floor and even the counter in one spot. Sally, former empress of the kitchen and its surroundings, would have a heart attack if she saw what had become of her kingdom... if she was still alive.   
I quickly scanned the mess for anything edible but came up empty handed. Everything useable had been taken. The rest was rotting.  
The fresh air that came in through the broken windows made the smell somewhat bearable, still we didn’t linger.

The mess hall was worse than the kitchen. A few dead bodies were piled in one corner, two more were sprawled on the ground, their blood and other bodily fluids long since dried. I refused to look at the hearth in the back corner. Something dark and brownish had flowed from there towards the middle of the room, forming a moldy smelling puddle.  
Daryl hurried towards the stairs before me, stepping over the bodies without looking down. I followed him swiftly but much more careful not to step into anything.  
I tensed with each of our steps when we ran up the grating stairs. The noise seemed awfully loud in the empty hall, echoing off the bare walls. I expected someone to come investigate at any moment.  
No one came. This was easy so far. Disgusting, but easy nonetheless. 

We could have used the back entrance. The Infirmary was at the other end of the compound and with the path I’d chosen, we had to get through the labyrinth of corridors without anyone seeing us. Still, weighing our options last night, I had decided this was the safest way. There was no cover outside and we’d leave a trail through the snow on top of that. Going through the inside would be easier. There were lots of places to hide and between the two of us we could easily take out whoever we encountered.  
Daryl stopped when he reached the end of the walkway. Hastily he motioned for me to duck and hurry up. There was someone behind the swinging doors. I saw them move through the wire reinforced glass windows in the door wings. And they saw me too. Shit.   
Daryl, hunting knife in hand, hid behind the door, every muscle in his body tense and ready to strike. I remained where I was. I was discovered. There was no use hiding, but I could still distract them to give Daryl an easier time attacking. My heart raced. Being bait was scary.  
The door was pushed open and a woman stepped through. At first glance, I’d thought she was a man. She surely was built like one, tall and bulky.  
“Who are you?” she bellowed, trying to grab my arm, before Daryl grabbed her from behind. Her eyes opened wide as he covered her mouth with his hand and pressed the edge of his knife against the soft flesh just under her chin. She was more than a head taller than me and as broad as Daryl through the shoulders. I couldn’t be sure with the thick jacket she was wearing, but if I had to take a wild guess, I’d say she probably wasn’t fat, but muscled. I really hoped Daryl would be able to hold her.   
“Drop your weapon.” he hissed at her from behind.   
She hesitated, her eyes filling with hatred. I put my hand on my hatchet and her gaze followed my movement. Staring down someone who was that much taller than me was hard, but I’d had some practice over the years and my stare seemed to work.  
Slowly she opened her hand and the knife fell to the ground with a clatter. I took a deep breath, hoping the noise wouldn’t attract any of her friends.  
“We’re only here to get some meds for our community. We won’t bother you.” I tried explaining. Her eyes narrowed. Daryl’s hand over her mouth prevented her from speaking, but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t have anything friendly to say. And who could blame her, really. We’re here to take your shit. Be friendly and we’ll leave. Yea, she’d surely lead us to the infirmary now. Well done, Ren. I inwardly rolled my eyes at myself.  
Alright, start over. Change of tactics. “How many of you are there?” I asked.  
She looked down at me, hatred filling her eyes. Damn, she really was huge.  
“Come on, I asked you a question!” I hissed, taking a step closer. My heart pounded with fear, but she didn’t have to know that.  
She slowly lifted her hands and held up all ten fingers, then closed her fists and opened the fingers of her left hand again.   
Fifteen people. Damn, we’d have to be careful. I shot Daryl an uncertain glance over her shoulder.   
Big mistake. My insecurity made her bold and she jerked against him, trying to elbow him in the ribs. He brought her back under control with a jerk of his arms. I saw a tiny bit of blood trickling down her pale skin from where Daryl’s knife was still pressed against her throat.  
She froze, staring at me, now real scared. I saw it in her eyes, in the soft pulling together of her eyebrows, in the slumping of her shoulders.  
I put my hand over her face, covering her mouth and nose, while Daryl kept her still. “I’m sorry.” I said, and I really meant it.   
She struggled but Daryl remained unfazed. Together, we held on to her until she stopped struggling and went limp against him.  
“Should we let her live?” I whispered, keeping my hands where they were. It would be the humane thing to do, but definitely not the smart choice.   
Daryl seemed to be at odds with himself. He thought for a moment before slowly starting to shake his head. Swallowing nervously, I kept my hands were they were, suffocating her, hoping it would be a peaceful death.   
It took a human about three minutes of oxygen deprivation until they died. I had no way to tell time, so I just kept holding on while Daryl kept watch. I couldn’t allow myself to think about what I was doing or I’d puke, so I thought about our next steps, hoping against hope that there’d be no more people in our path.

An excruciatingly long amount of time later, Daryl placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. Yea, she was probably dead. I pulled my hands away and got to my feet, wiping my hands on my jeans as if I could wipe off what I’d just done.   
“You okay?” Daryl asked, voice soft, taking my hand in his, giving me a reassuring squeeze.   
“Yea, all good…” I’d deal with my conscience later, when we were safe again. “There’s fifteen of them… fourteen now.” Focus on the goal, deal with bullshit later.  
“Where to?” Daryl asked, taking my victims’ gun in passing and putting it into his waistband.  
I passed him and took the lead. Without electricity it was mostly dark inside. The light filtering in through the windows at the end of the corridor was the only source of illumination. I didn’t need more than that. In the short time I’d lived here, I’d went through this corridor more times than I could count.   
My crossbow practically materialized in my hands when I heard a shout from somewhere in the corridor before us, bringing me back to the present. I loaded and aimed in under ten seconds. Daryl was even quicker and both our bolts hit the stumbling guy’s chest within moments of each other.  
I hated killing people, but right now, it was either them or us. And we needed those meds. Alexandria needed those meds.  
We hurried towards the body and I pulled out our bolts while Daryl kept watch, his crossbow already loaded again.   
Wiping the bolts on my jeans, I handed one to him and took the other one myself.  
The guy on the ground stank like he had bathed in booze. We very likely wouldn’t have had to kill him, but drunk as he was, we’d probably made his day much better by ending it.  
“Take it.” Daryl pointed at the guy’s gun, lowering his crossbow.  
I waved him off. “I don’t like guns.” I wanted to say more but shut up and stopped. There was a staircase in front of us and footsteps were coming nearer.   
Daryl pressed his back against the wall. I did the same on the opposite side.  
Two people were talking and the slight smell of cigarette smoke wafted through the air.   
“Remember when we used to do this shit every night?” a male voice chuckled.   
“Don’t remind me.” a female groaned. She sounded pained. “Why did we have to get up so early anyways?”   
Yea, I’d asked myself that as well. If they’d just stayed asleep till midday like every normal drunkard, none of them would have had to die.   
“Because I wanted some alone time with you before everyone else woke up.” the man said. The dirty smile he must have shot her carried through his voice.   
The woman chuckled and their footsteps stopped. The sound of clothes against clothes and hands against clothes and mouths on mouths replaced them. The woman moaned softly and a zipper was being pulled down.   
I grinned at Daryl before taking a step forwards to see where they were. We needed to go downstairs.   
They were upstairs and very much occupied with each other. Looking back at Daryl once more, I started down the stairs.   
At the first landing I stopped. Someone was coming upstairs. Fuck!   
Why were they all up at this hour?   
I turned around and moved back upwards.   
“Morning.” the figure downstairs murmured, voice drawn and tired. He had seen me, but not recognized me as a stranger.  
I forced myself to relax my muscles and lean against the wall in what I hoped to look hungover. “Morning.” I answered, rubbing my face as if tired, hoping the semi dark would be enough to fool him into believing I was part of their group.   
“Wait, do I know you?” he stopped opposite me and stared at my face intently.   
“Nah… we only talked all night, asshole.” I faked a laugh, trying to seem friendly. I prayed the alcohol still in his blood would make him easy to convince and he’d just believe my words.  
“Were we? Damn, I must have drunk more than I thought… sorry, man...” he rubbed his head and continued looking at me.   
“Don’t stare at me… I look fucking awful.” I half turned away.  
“Nah, you’re good.” he said, leaning against the railing opposite of me. “Want one?” he said, holding a pack of cigarettes towards me.   
I waved him off and started walking again, holding on to the wall with one arm as if still drunk.   
“Why are you carrying weapons?” the smoker asked.   
Shit. “Makes me feel safer.” I lied, hesitating only for a second.   
I heard him move towards me and tensed as his hand landed on my arm. “I really can’t remember you at all.” he said, holding me back, forcing me to look at him. Shit.   
“You shouldn’t drink as much then.” I laid some annoyance in my voice. “Let go.”   
“You’re not one of us! I’m not that drunk!” The fingers on my arm tensed and he pulled me closer.   
Footsteps sounded from upstairs again. Fuck. I hoped they were Daryl’s.  
My Captor grabbed both my hands and held them behind my back. This gave me the chance to look upstairs. The footsteps hadn’t been Daryl’s. Another guy, probably the one who’d been making out with his girlfriend earlier, was coming downstairs. He’d probably heard me fight with the smoker and was getting curious.  
He passed the spot where we’d come onto the stairwell. I saw Daryl. My captor did too. He shouted a warning to his friend, but Daryl was faster. He jumped the stranger from the darkness like a predator. Born to kill. A spray of blood covered the walls. The stranger sank to his knees. Daryl had slit his throat.   
The woman had been following her boyfriend. Seeing him die, she grabbed a gun from her waistband, her hands shaking so badly she almost dropped it. She pointed it at Daryl but each of us knew there was no chance she’d actually shoot him. Her movements made it clear she wasn’t used to handling weapons.  
“Stop moving or I’ll fucking kill her!” my captor shouted, probably as much to draw attention away from her as to really make Daryl stop moving. With a jerk, he pulled me closer to him. I felt a knife against my throat and became very still.   
Daryl looked at me, then at my captor, keeping half his attention on the woman.  
There was no emotion on his face only cold, hard calculation. His bloody knife was still in his hand and in one smooth motion he lifted his arm and threw it. My knees went weak as I saw the blade come towards me. I heard it fly past me, felt the wind it made and then the sound of something wet. It hit my captors’ eye.   
He let go of me with a howl, stumbling backwards, hunched in pain. I turned around and gripped the knife’s hilt before he had a chance to do so. I wasn’t thinking, just acting on instinct. I changed my grip and stabbed him in the side of the neck. The blade scratched against his collar bone and into his flesh. Probably not the best spot to stab someone, but then I hadn’t really had much time to think or aim. The fact that he was hurt already probably saved my life. He went down on his knees, bleeding like crazy and howling in pain. I pulled the knife out and stabbed him in the neck again, at a different angle this time. Hot blood wet my icy cold fingers as I twisted the knife and pulled it out. I’d probably severed his jugular.  
Adrenaline somewhat subsiding I took in my surroundings again. The sound of footsteps on the stairs; two gunshots that momentarily deafened me; then nothing… except for the shrill ringing in my ears.   
“Daryl?” My voice was shaky.  
“You okay?” he answered.   
I sighed in relief. “Yea, all good…” except for my weak knees.   
He came down the stairs and looked at me over the dead body of the guy I’d just killed.   
“Your knife.” I whispered, holding out my bloody, shaking hand to him. Because what else would I say?  
My victim moaned on the concrete floor. His movements were quickly slowing down as the bloody puddle under our feet grew.   
Daryl took the knife and wiped it on the dying guy’s jeans, first the blade, then the hilt, making sure it was dry, before he put it into its sheath.   
“C’mon.” he said, continuing through the red metal doors at the bottom of the stairs. I followed him, not looking back. 

The Infirmary was in about the same shape as the kitchen. Each cupboard and drawer open, bottles and blisters of pills scattered all over the ground, many of them crushed to powder under careless feet. Daryl grabbed a piece of wire from the ground and wound it around the handles on both wings of the door, locking us inside the infirmary, making sure we wouldn’t be surprised while we were occupied.

At first glance it looked like we were too late, but then my scavenger instincts took over.  
People always took the stuff at eyelevel first. My hands were shaking and I took a few slow, calming breaths. This was good. I was on familiar ground. I knew how to do this.  
“Check the top- and bottommost shelves.” I said. Daryl nodded and we went to work. Taking off my crossbow and then my backpack, I stuffed what I found into it, not wasting any time reading the labels. Despite the first impression, between the two of us, we quickly filled up my pack with all kinds of pills and bandages and other medical looking stuff.   
“You alright?” Daryl suddenly asked, his voice soft.  
I startled. “Yea, sure, all good.”  
“Because you’ve been staring at empty air for a while.”  
“Have I? Sorry!” I quickly started closing up the backpack and hefted it on my back with a groan.  
“It’s alright…” he stepped behind me and helped me settle everything, before turning me around and quickly squeezing me around the shoulders with one arm. He placed a quick kiss on my temple before walking towards the door and checking the corridor outside through the wire glass.  
“Someone’s out there.” he hissed, moving backwards from the door.  
I took my crossbow and stood against the wall next to the door. “How many more bullets do you have?” I whispered.   
“Four.” His voice was even raspier than usual.   
Great. We had four bullets and eleven possible enemies to fend off, if our first victim had told the truth.  
If they rushed us now, we’d be in deep shit. I’d fought guys in close battle before and walked away. But that didn’t mean I could do it again. Crossbows were too big and clumsy to be used in close quarters. Should have taken that gun when I’d had the chance. Fuck.

I saw two shapes hurrying past the door and remained perfectly still, willing them to overlook me.   
My heart was beating so loud, I was sure they must hear it. They didn’t. They kept on moving, talking among themselves.  
The exit was to our right. The two shapes had ran to the right as well. Seemed like this was our lucky day. I groaned.  
Slowly I walked to Daryl, careful not to step on anything on the ground. There were scalpels and injection needles among the debris as well as splintered glass bottles. I touched his hand and he intertwined his fingers with mine for a moment, giving me a reassuring squeeze before stepping up against the doors to look outside.   
“Coast’s clear. Come on.” he said, quickly unwinding the wire and pushing the doors open.   
I followed him and pulled him to the right when he looked at me unsure about the direction.   
The exit was just around the corner. I was too wound up to check before I passed it. Big mistake. Always check the fucking corner!  
The two shapes we’d seen move past the windows were two young guys. And they were waiting for us, rifles pointed. Shit.   
I stopped and lifted my arms. Daryl did the same.   
“Who the fuck are you?” the right guy said. He couldn’t be older than 20. The other one was probably 25. They looked very much like brothers, both with dark hair and eyes and of similar height. The left ones’ hair was a bit longer and shaggy looking. The right one was shorn to bristles about the same length as the meager beard on his still soft cheeks. “Wait, I know you!” he said.   
I looked at him, unsure. Did I know him?   
“You’re Negan’s whore!” he continued.  
Shit. Was he one of the Saviors? Were they reforming their group? The faces of the others we had seen inside the building flashed before me, all muddled up into one big stranger. I had no idea if I’d known any of the people.   
“Sorry, that’s kinda old news.” I stopped thinking and let my mouth take over. “Negan is gone.”   
“We know he’s alive. Captured somewhere,” the right one said.  
“Stop talking and shoot them already!” the younger one hissed, elbowing his brother.  
“You shoot them!” the older one shot back, not letting us out of his view.  
A slow grin appeared on my face. Not entirely happy, but definitely relieved. They were scared. They had probably been among the workforce when the Saviors had still been here and were not used to fighting.   
“How about neither of you shoots anyone and you just step to the side and let us walk away?” I tried to smile as I took a small step towards them, my opened hands raised to chest level. I’m harmless. Don’t be scared.  
“Stay where you are, bitch!” the right brother shouted, pulling his rifle back up.   
“Really?” Daryl asked from behind me. “We’ll give you guys this one chance. Use it. Don’t be idiots.”  
My heart raced. I had looked death in the eye a bit too often for my liking today. And I hadn’t even had breakfast yet. I didn’t want to die hungry. I managed to remain perfectly calm outwardly. No wonder with the thought of food filling my brain. I chuckled to myself.   
“Fuck you! You’re not the one giving out chances.” the younger one spat, bringing me back to the real world. Something in his face changed and I knew he’d made up his mind. One wrong move and he’d shoot us. Damn. Zoning out now probably wasn’t the best of ideas.  
I started as the sound of a gun being fired fucked up my hearing for the second time that day. I was standing in the line of fire of everyone in the room. The bullet must have been aimed at me. I prepared for the pain, squeezing my eyes shut.  
Nothing happened. Slowly I opened first one eye, then the other and looked at the guys. The shorn one was crumpled on the floor, the shaggy one bent over him, on his knees, holding his brothers’ limp head. His face changed as he processed what’d just happened. He turned back towards us, pulling up his rifle, pointing it at me. Before he could pull the trigger, Daryl shot again. A red, bloody mess suddenly appeared straight between his eyes. He fell over face down, on top of his brother.  
I took a deep breath, collecting myself. We had to get out of here.  
I looked down at them and regretted it immediately. My face twisted. They were so young. They could have had a life. Fuck.  
Daryl gently nudged me on.   
Right. I shook my head. Focus, damnit!   
We still weren’t out of danger. Not by far.   
We had to get to the horses and be gone before anyone found us. I’d had just about enough killing for one day.   
The universe had other plans though.  
Daryl pushed open the door to the outside and took about half a step, before he twisted to the side. Someone, hidden from my view by the second door wing, took a swing at him with a two-by-four. Daryl managed to lift his arms enough to slow the impact down, but not to stop it. He went down with a groan.  
I pulled my hatchet from my belt and pressed myself against the closed half of the door, weapon raised. I saw Daryl’s legs, as he slowly tried bringing them back under him and had to force myself to stay hidden.   
A small, balding man, oblivious to my being here, carelessly moved towards Daryl, weapon still in hands. He had his back towards me as he lifted the slant again to end Daryl for good.   
Yea well... that wouldn’t happen. I gripped the wood just as the guy’s swing reached its peak and pulled backwards.   
The man, surprised by my feat, lost his balance and stumbled backwards, back inside the building, together with me.   
I managed to wrestle the slant from his hands before I fell over the dead bodies on the ground.  
I landed on top of the two of them, the old guy next to me, half on top of my leg. Giving him a good kick in the face, I freed myself and hastily stumbled to my feet, two-by-four somehow still in my hands.   
Not waiting for my opponent to regain his bearing, I brought the weapon down on his head once for hitting Daryl and once more for good measure. It came away bloody. Good.  
He was out. I kicked him once more in passing as I went outside and pushed the door closed, bracing the slant under the handle to stop it from being opened.   
I helped Daryl to his feet.   
“Are you okay?” I asked. “You’re bleeding.”   
Daryl pushed his hand against his forehead and steadied himself against me. “Yea… I’ll live.”  
I looked around to make sure we were alone before examining his head. Gently I pushed his hair to the side to assess the damage. Damn, that was a lot of blood. “Keep putting pressure on it and tell me if you feel nauseous.” I murmured.  
I had a ton of bandages in my backpack, but I couldn’t stitch him up out here in the open. Was it safe to do in the stable? We were discovered now for sure and we should really get away as quickly as possible, but we had to stop the bleeding first.   
My eyes frantically scanned the ground as we came close to the stable. There were no tracks but ours leading to the door. Good. So the horses would be okay. We’d be okay for a few minutes too, right?  
“Still good?” I asked once we were safely inside the barn.  
“A bit dizzy…” Daryl mumbled. His face was half hidden behind his hand.   
“Sit down.” I ordered, stepping close to him so he could hold on to me. I went back out and got a handful of snow to ice and clean the wound.   
Daryl hissed as I touched his head, but remained sitting still. 

The cut wasn’t as big as I had initially thought once the blood around it had washed off. I relaxed somewhat. The blood flow had slowed down and I didn’t think I’d have to sew up the gash. I put a bunch of gauze on it and hurriedly wrapped a length of bandage around Daryl’s head.   
“Looks supercute.” I teased once I was done, but quickly became serious again. “Are you feeling okay still?”   
Daryl nodded. He looked tired.   
“Hey! I need you to talk to me, okay? Use your words.” Crouching before him, I fussed around with the bandage to make sure it was tight and firm.  
“I’m good, stop worrying.” he took my hands in his and made me look at him. “We need to get out of here.” he said.   
I nodded. “You good to ride?”   
“Yea.” He laboriously made it to his feet, refusing to take my hand.   
I rolled my eyes, but didn’t comment. Let him play the strong man. He was right. We had to leave… and soon.  
We got the horses out of their boxes, quickly putting their saddles back on. I had one eye on Daryl at all times. My mind raced with all the ways we could get fucked up if we were caught now.

Daryl pulled his hood over his head again and opened the door the tiniest bit, carefully peeking out before he shoved it open all the way. And people said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.   
“Quick!” Daryl grabbed Kit Kat’s reins and led her outside. Poppy and I followed.   
We both mounted and spurred the horses on. They did their best, but the snow almost reached their knees. We were ridiculously slow. 

“There they are!” someone shouted behind us. We had almost reached the main gate. Fuck.   
I spurred Poppy on harder, willing her to get through the snow quicker.  
We cleared the gate and gunshots sounded behind us.   
Out of instinct, I ducked.   
“Come on, faster!” I said to Poppy. We had to get out of here. Damn!   
Daryl and Kit Kat were before us. We followed their trail, which made the going easier, but not faster, since we couldn’t overtake them. Damn!   
More gunshots. The snow left and right of us spewed with the impact.   
A sharp pain in my leg made me jerk. Fuck. Had they just hit me?   
Poppy jerked as well and jumped into the air. Fuck. Had they hit her too?   
She reared up with a loud neigh, her body vibrating under me, and bolted off through the snow. All I could do was hold on.  
She was jumping and slipping in the snow like crazy. I managed to stay in the saddle, doing my best to steer her in such a way as not to hurt either of us.   
There was more shooting behind us and shouting from Daryl, but the gunshots slowed down as we were getting out of their reach. Bullets were too precious to waste.   
The snow was exhausting to get through and Poppy quickly got tired and slowed down. I talked to her in am even, steady voice, doing my best to calm her.   
It took a while but finally she stopped, her breath coming heavy.  
Daryl and Kit Kat quickly caught up with us. They had had no problems following our trail.   
“Are you okay?” Daryl stopped Kit Kat next to me.   
“Yea…“ I murmured absentmindedly.   
“One of you is bleeding.” Daryl pointed at the blood drops in the snow.   
“I think we both are…” I murmured, bending down to check my right leg. Sure enough, my pants were ripped and bloody just below the knee. Not enough to drip though.   
I pulled the fabric this way and that and only found a shallow gash. Must be Poppy bleeding then.  
I dismounted, sinking into the snow to my knees and walked around her to assess the damage.   
Daryl remained on his horse, looking back behind us to make sure we weren’t being followed.   
We had made it a good distance from the Compound in Poppy’s crazy run. I didn’t think they had any horses, since the stable had been empty, but one could never be sure.

Poppy had a gash on her right front leg. Carefully I checked the wound. It looked shallow too. Thank god.  
Considering the placement of her wound and mine, and the timing, we might have been hit by the same bullet.  
Her eyes still held a hint of fear, but we were out of immediate danger now. All around us, the forest was silent. Only the trees creaked weakly in the wind.  
“I’m so sorry.” I said, hugging her. She had been with me for a long time, but until now, I’d somehow managed to never get her hurt.   
In all honesty, in this world, it had only been a matter of time. Still, I felt awful for getting her hurt. I’d have to be extra generous with her treats once we were home again.  
Both Poppy’s and my wounds were shallow and didn’t need immediate attention. There was nothing I could do for her now, so I climbed into the saddle again and followed Daryl as he lead us off through the forest.

Without having to talk about it, we went to the hut in the woods. The wind had calmed down today and I didn’t feel as bad leaving the horses outside. They were used to it after all.   
The hut was empty.   
I grinned, when I stepped inside and found the familiar disgusting cot in the corner.   
The second chair was gone and the hole in the roof had grown. A couple of snowflakes had found their way inside.  
Besides that, the hut was much the same as when we’d first met here only a few short months ago.  
I watched Daryl make a fire in the hearth, a soft smile playing around his lips. He was probably thinking along much of the same lines as I was.   
“I’m so glad I met you.” I whispered, hugging him from behind when he stood up, satisfied with the fire.   
He turned around inside my arms and put his forehead against mine, his arms resting around my waist. He didn’t use words to show me he was feeling the same. And he didn’t need to.  
I relaxed against him. After the morning we’d had, this moment of peace was paradise. The world wasn’t perfect, not by far, but this moment was.  
“You know, if this was a story, this is where it would end… and they lived happily ever after…” I chuckled.  
Daryl snorted. “Glad this ain’t no story then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm not sure if this is the last chapter or not... there's still a few ideas inside my head, but they don't really match this story or where it is right now... I might post them as one shots, so if you liked the two of them, stay tuned! ;)


	14. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer's coming and Ren shows a slightly different side of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really nothing but fluff with a bit of crack to top the whole story off... 
> 
> told ya the story wasn't over yet :P

Months passed and spring had sprung and was slowly turning into summer.   
Daryl and I had started going out of town more often, patroulling, hunting, and I’d even gone on a short scavenging trip when the snow had first melted.   
Life was good.   
Thanks to our trip to the Saviors Compound in winter, everyone had made it through the cold season. 

The golden afternoon sun shone through the trees, warming the brown, leafy forest ground. Birds were singing and insects buzzing. The whole forest was alive and happy that summer was finally coming. So was I. The sun on my skin made me feel alive. For the first time in months, I felt warm through and through and my heart beamed with joy.  
“You sure you don’t want me to carry it?” Daryl asked. He was walking next to me impatiently, showing clearly that we were going much slower than he’d like.   
I shook my head. “Nope! I shot it, I’ll carry it!” I grinned. A dead dear hung over my shoulders, its legs pulled forward by my hands, to hold it where it was. It was heavy, heavier than I liked to admit, but I had shot it and I’d carry it home.   
There was supposed to be a feast in a few days and now we knew what we’d eat. I was beaming with pride.   
“Come on, don’t pout.” I grinned, awkwardly moving closer to him and elbowing him, as far as the burden on my shoulders allowed, which was not very far at all. Daryl and I were equally good hunters. Today, he had missed though and I had made the kill.   
“I’m not pouting.” Daryl snorted. “I just wanted to help you… you look a bit… strained.” He turned his head and a smile was playing over his face.   
“I don’t need your help.” I straightened my spine and squared my shoulders to show him how much I didn’t need his help.   
My shifting made the deer’s head roll backwards over my shoulder and the weight-shift brought me off balance. “Shit.” I murmured before I fell over and landed on my ass, half buried under the carcass.  
Daryl turned and a slow grin spread on his face, before he buried his face behind his hand.   
“Stop laughing!” I ranted, but couldn’t help but start chuckling as well.   
“Sorry,” he surpressed his laughter and took a few steps towards me. “C’mon,” he held his hand out towards me and turned away as another bout of laughter shook him.   
“Will you stop it?” I chuckled.   
Slowly I freed myself from under the deer’s legs and got to my feet.   
“Ass!” I punched him in the arm, still snickering.   
He put his arm around me and placed a kiss on my forehead. 

I felt the sudden change in mood in his whole body, each muscle going from relaxed to rigid in a second.   
“Walkers.” Daryl murmured, suddenly serious. He let his arm drop from around me and had his knife in his hand in a second.   
Two Walkers were slowly stumbling through the forest, moaning, groaning, the usual. Pity for them filled my heart. Here they were, animate but not alive. Forced to exist as mindless, emotionless creatures, unable to enjoy…  
Before I could finish my thought, Daryl had killed both of them. I looked around but saw no more than the two Walkers.   
Daryl bent over my deer to pick it up. “C’mon, let’s go home. It’s getting dark.” he murmured, stopping only for a second.   
I huffed. “But I wanted to carry it!”   
He shot me a sideways glance. Alright. Playtime was over.

We reached Alexandria half an hour later. Daryl had offered to let me carry my quarry the last few minutes so everyone would see it was mine, but I had waved him off. He seemed comfortable carrying the extra weight. And in all honesty, it wouldn’t matter who shot it anyways. Everyone loved Daryl, while only a very select few kinda liked me.   
They’d never admit it, but to most of Alexandria I was still Negan’s fucktoy. Only a few openly showed their dislike, but I’d have to be an idiot not to feel their animosity. It had bothered me at first, but by now I had come to terms with it. I didn’t need them to like me. I didn’t like them either.

We took the carcass to our house and Daryl proceeded to clean and skin it in what I’d started calling the back yard.  
The cats, once they saw what he was doing, quickly came out and eagerly rubbed up against his legs, begging for pieces of the meat.   
I went up on the porch and leaned on the banister, watching them.  
If anyone would have told me a year ago that I’d have the proverbial white picket fence and somewhat of a little family, I’d have told them to give me some of the drugs they were taking.   
Now here I was, watching them. 

We were both exhausted after a long day of hunting and went to bed early that night.  
I couldn’t fall asleep yet though. I had my head on Daryl’s chest and softly let my fingers play over his body.   
“Sometimes I miss how soft the world used to be… how soft I used to be.” I murmured thoughtfully. The domestic bliss we were living had made me think of the time before.  
“How I would just go about my life, with fighting over the remote with my sisters being the hardest thing I’d have to do all day.”  
“Must have been nice…” he mumbled.  
“Yea… I miss them.”   
He snorted.  
I lifted up on my elbow so I could look at his face. “Why are you laughing?” I let my finger glide upwards from his chest, over his neck.   
He caught my hand with his, stopping my movement. “My life was never soft. My father beat the shit out of my brother and I every day.”   
I blinked at him, needing a moment to process his words. I’d of course suspected something like that, the scars on his back looked too old to have happened after the outbreak, but hearing him say the words was something entirely different. “So… the scars…”  
“Don’t… worry about them scars…” he said slowly, as if speaking the words hurt him. “Just… be as soft as you want!” he said, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing the tips of my fingers.  
“Nah… I can’t be soft… being soft is what gets people killed…” I snuggled into the crook of his shoulder again.  
“Being stupid is what gets people killed. You’re smart. You can be as soft as you like.” he mumbled and let his arm snake around me from behind.

+++

It was the day of the feast and again, the weather was perfect. The nights were still cool, but as soon as the sun rose each morning, the air was warming up and it got nice and pleasant outside.   
I was getting ready in the bathroom, brushing my hair, tousling my fingers through the strands, willing them to dry quicker. I wore my hair in a braid most days, since it was much easier to manage, but I figured I’d do it a bit differently today.   
The warm temperatures and our talk from a few days ago had brought up an idea in my head.   
At the very bottom of my backpack, in a crinkled plastic bag, I had a small treasure. My most favorite dress from when everything began was buried there, under all my other stuff. I had carried it with me ever since the beginning, as a reminder of who I used to be. Pulling it out, I found it was wrinkly and smelled slightly moldy, but I still loved it to pieces.   
Purplish-blue with flowers all over, strapless with a handkerchief skirt that ended around my knees, it used to make me feel like a fairy.   
I looked at myself in the mirror and felt weird. Like I was wearing a costume.  
Being without weapons was even more unusual. I felt kinda naked without it.   
Putting my belt and hatchet on made me feel somewhat more natural. I considered changing back into my usual jeans and tank-top. I wasn’t the girl from back then anymore. I had grown and changed and hardened as well, whether I wanted to admit it or not.  
Making up my mind, I shook my head at my reflection. I wanted Daryl to see me. All soft and dressed up like the person I used to be. I wanted to see his face. Would he think I was pretty? Or would he laugh? 

Judging by the noises coming through the open window, people were already celebrating in the town square. Children were screaming and laughing. The new guy was playing his violin and there would probably be dancing. The air was warm and held a hint of something sweet.   
Outside, everything was green and warm and inviting.  
Looking at my boots by the door I grimaced. Even though this was the apocalypse… I couldn’t wear them with the dress. Well, it was pleasantly warm and I didn’t have to go far. I could go without shoes. 

Daryl was talking to Larry, the old guy from the library, his back to me, when I approached. He wore a shirt with ripped off sleeves and his angel wing leather vest over it. His worn out jeans hung low on his hips, but I knew there was a great ass hiding under the folds of his pants.   
“Woooow! You’re so pretty!” Shelley, the little girl that lived across the street from us suddenly exclaimed loudly, reminding me there were other people than just Daryl and I around. I tended to forget about that, somehow. Before I could say anything, she had run off again, chasing a boy about the same age as she was.  
Daryl had turned around at Shelley’s shout. I looked at him and our gazes met.   
His eyes widened as he took in how I looked, my long, wavy hair cascading down over my shoulders, the dress flaring in the wind, held down by the weight of my belt… or at least that was how I imagined I looked right that moment. I didn’t feel like a fairy though, more like an amazon, like a warrior.   
Daryl was still staring at me.   
Someone in the kingdom had figured out how to brew beer and we’d traded with them to get a few bottles for the occasion. He had a bottle in his hand and seemed to try to place it on the table next to him, but kept on missing because he couldn’t take his eyes off me.   
I laughed but didn’t break my stride. I was vaguely aware of others looking at me, but they were nothing but background noise, static if you will.  
Finally handing his beer to Larry, Daryl strode towards me. He stopped a few steps before me, looking me up and down.   
“You like it?” I asked, his staring making me feel insecure.   
Daryl nodded.  
“Not too soft?” I whispered.   
“Perfect amount of soft.” he mumbled, hesitating as if he had to convince himself it was really me standing before him, before he finally allowed himself to close the last distance between us and kiss me. In front of everyone.   
That was new. He usually wasn’t much for public displays of affection, but he seemed to have forgotten all his inhibitions in this moment.   
His arms wrapped around my waist, squeezing me close, and I felt his hands wander downwards to cup my ass.   
“There’s kids around.” I chuckled against his mouth.   
“I don’t care.” He kissed me again, deeper and greedier.   
“Reeen and Daryl, sitting in a tree… “ Shelley sang, running in circles around us. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G” another girl about her age joined her.   
I snorted. Fucking kids.   
Daryl pulled away, laughing. “C’mon, let’s get you some food.” Our moment being over, the rest of the world came back into focus.  
Someone had carried various kitchen tables and chairs outside and we sat down at the one Larry had seated himself.   
People were glad winter was finally over for good and everyone had survived. Everyone was happy and joyful. I watched the dancers and enjoyed the music as I ate, stealing a sip from Daryl’s beer every now and then. 

“I’ll go get Negan something to eat.” I said, when I’d finished.   
Daryl stopped talking to Larry and looked at me with a sigh. He seemed to want to say something, but thought better of it. We’d had this discussion too many times before. 

“Finally someone brings me some fucking food.” I heard Negan say when I passed by the window to his cell. “It’s bordering on torture, having to smell the BBQ and watching you assholes eat… Doll! Look at you!” he interrupted his tirade when he recognized me. “Hot damn!”   
It was cool in the cellar and goosebumps ran up and down my bare arms. The noises from outside were still audible.  
I bent down and slid the plate through the opening in the bars. “You like it?” I asked, getting back up, rubbing my arms against the cold.  
“What kind of a question is that? Of fucking course.” He pressed his body against the bars, reaching out for me.  
I took a step backwards, but he had caught my wrist and held on to it.   
“Negan, don’t…” I warned.   
“Oh come on, you can’t walk in here like that and expect me not to…”   
“You better stop talking right there and let go of me right this second.” I interrupted him, my voice void of all emotion.   
“Or what?” he jerked me close to the bars with a smirk.   
I took a deep breath. My right arm was through the bars up to the shoulder, my cheek pressed against the bars. I licked my lips and his gaze fixed on my mouth. He took an involuntary step closer, still holding on to my wrist. It was enough to regain some of my mobility.   
“Come here and I’ll show you.” I whispered.   
He grinned and took another step closer, his face just above mine.   
I balled my left fist and punched him straight in the face. Hitting someone with your non-dominant hand is hard. Even harder to do it through bars, so it probably wasn’t a very hard punch, but it was enough.   
Startled, he let go of me and I pulled back out.   
The door opened in that moment and footsteps were audible on the stairs.   
I took a satisfied step away from the bars and crossed my arms over my chest. Negan looked flabbergasted.   
“Everything alright?” Daryl asked halfway down the stairs.   
“Yea, all good.” I murmured. “I was about to come back out.”   
I took a step towards him and he protectively put his arm around my shoulders, rubbing my cold skin.  
Negan was silent.   
A feeling of satisfaction filled me when I saw his nose was bleeding.   
Daryl looked between the two of us quizzical but chose not to comment. Smart.  
“I’ll send someone for the plate in a few minutes.” I said to Negan, following Daryl back up the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned this to be a one shot, but more and more ideas keep popping up in my head, so its gonna be like 7 or 8 chapters, some fluffy, some smutty, some funny, some sad.  
> It's gonna be a rollercoaster of feelings!


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